Zodi’s Blog

Palin Changes the World

 

"All we need is love!"

 

                                              

Former Alaskan governor Sarah Palin gave a speech last night. A speech that I firmly believe will alter the very fabric of politics in America and probably the world as well. The great orator was succinct, erudite and uncharacteristically reasonable. Despite her scary intellect, Palin was able to adroitly ‘dumb down’ her language to enhance communication with her audience, while still mastering the folksiness and sing-song voice that has made her a political rock star.

As Palin stepped onstage, she was met by a raucous, blood-thirsty crowd in full lynch-mob mentality. Without hesitation, Sarah began her speech, “Hiya! I know that many of you proud Americans came here tonight expecting to see a pit-bull or a even a barracuda..(laughs)……. But I’m sorry to tell ya…..that the pit-bull has been rescued and the barracuda is belly up.” The opening line was met with gasps of shock and looks of consternation from the long confused tea baggers.

After Palin paused for a full two minutes to collect her thoughts, the audience was still visibly shaken but seemed willing to listen. She finally continued, “Over the last several months I’ve had time for some deep introspection, and I’ve come to realize a few things about salvation. Salvation as an individual. Salvation for our country. And salvation for our world!”

“I now know that now is NOT the time for derision, for hatred, or for casting aspersions upon our fellow man nor our perceived enemies. With unemployment running rampant, and the global economy on the precipice of disaster, NOW is the time to put aside our differences and rejoice in our commonalities. Republicans, democrats, independents and tea baggers everywhere, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists and even wacky backy Rastafarians (chuckles),… everyone the world over, NOW is the time for rationality, for intellect and for passionate but civil discourse!”

“Most of all NOW is the time for love! We can change the world with pure, true love. Love for each other, love for every living organism and love for the earth which sustains our very existence. I’ve come to the conclusion that without love pervading our every thought and action…..I truly feel that all civilization has achieved throughout our six thousand years (wink) on earth, will be lost…. forever.” As she paused and a single tear escaped her beautiful left eye, most of the audience fell to their knees utterly lost in the rapturous moment.

As she continued I began to lose any semblance of coherent thought. I felt awash in a pure, white light. I then knew that the world would never be the same. I awoke in a sea of tears. Tears of joy for the new, enlightened era of politics. Later, during the ‘Great Teacher’s (as I will refer to her forevermore) post-speech Q and A, I was able to re-focus my attention. I heard her utter one of the most Zen-inducing sentences ever contemplated. She said, “They’re not knowin what are we gonna do if we don’t have Tea Party support” I know that it will likely take years of intense meditation before I can begin to grasp the essence of such profundity.

As a testament to her new outlook, the former governor has agreed to donate her one hundred thousand dollar fee from the event to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

God Bless Her!!

In ‘possibly related’ news…

Rush Limbaugh was arrested last night after tearing apart his Palm Beach home in a drunken, drug-fueled rage. Limbaugh scuffled with police until they were able to subdue him with an extra value meal.

FOX News Corp. held an emergency midnight meeting with all top level executives. A trusted source has informed the media that FOX will be filling for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection on Monday morning.

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February 7, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

39 Comments »

  1. I’m easily subdued with an extra value meal as well. What a coincidence.

    Comment by Candice | February 7, 2010 | Reply

    • That little nugget of information just went in the vault! –oh a pun..yay.

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 8, 2010 | Reply

  2. What a beautiful speech from a beautiful person. She’s mesmerizing. I for one am ready to join her cult.

    Comment by Jay | February 7, 2010 | Reply

    • I agree Jay. She’s like Jim Jones and David Koresh rolled into one, plus with sex appeal and cutesy accent.

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 8, 2010 | Reply

  3. Your post of the account that took place gave me a waking wet dream. Afterwards I clubbed a seal with my elephant tusk bong and drank motor oil I found in the ocean. In other words I was touched.

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | February 8, 2010 | Reply

    • I only hope that your dream occurred in the shower. And I’m so happy that you are doing all you can to protect the environment. You didn’t get any 6-pack holders stuck around your neck did you?

      Thanks Rooster!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 8, 2010 | Reply

  4. She’s a beautiful woman. Inside and out. She’s Marie Curie, Mother Teresa, and Joey Heatherton rolled into one. God Bless you Sarah, and God Bless you, Scott. Cheers!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | February 8, 2010 | Reply

    • I can always count on you to add a google or wiki inducing reference. And that my friend, is why I love you so!

      Thanks Matt-Man!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 8, 2010 | Reply

  5. what part of that speech was written on her hand?

    Comment by nursemyra | February 8, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m guessing the love part about love….

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 8, 2010 | Reply

  6. Personally, I think her hand said “This end up.” It was supposed to go on her forehead but mirror-writing was never her forte. (A pack of highly-trained publicists and handlers are currently searching for what, if anything, may be her forte. Current bets are on “raising illegitimate grandchildren.”)

    Good stuff, Scott. I loved the mental image of Palin spending “two minutes to collect her thoughts,” as well as the mental image of the crowd being willing to give her that much time.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | February 9, 2010 | Reply

    • I think your comment was funnier than my whole post. I tried to write about it in my usual style. But I couldn’t be funny, I just get too pissed off. This window licker never get within spitting distance of public office again, or I’m never coming back! Aghh.

      Thanks CLT…you know, you’re a funny guy!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 9, 2010 | Reply

  7. HA! The Rush comment was awsome, though it may take that big honkin Angus burger. Sarah is just a big cutesy love muff isn’t she? I think her kid was reading something on her middle finger in that other post. Inbreeding isn’t just for breakfast anymore! I hope she gets eaten by rabid wolves.

    Comment by Dan McGinley | February 9, 2010 | Reply

    • Or falls out of the helicopter she uses to hunt them. That would be ironic! And you’re right inbreeding is the other white meat.

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 9, 2010 | Reply

  8. Donation to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge? Blahahaha is that so they can re-stock?

    Comment by frigginloon | February 9, 2010 | Reply

    • Ha! Probably. She likes to hunt in a ‘shoot fish in a barrel’ kinda way.

      Thanks Frigginloon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 9, 2010 | Reply

  9. I can’t stand her. The sound of her voice makes my stomach turn, really. Which makes me appreciate posts like this, lol.

    And did you have to wiki Joey Heatherton?

    Comment by Mrs. D/3 Men & a Lady | February 9, 2010 | Reply

    • I feel the exact same way. There’s no way she could make a run…right? Right? Not enough people are that stupid. Right? Naahhh.

      I’m ashamed to admit that yes I did have to google Joey. It must be this Spanish air….

      Thanks Mrs. D/3 Men & a Lady!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 9, 2010 | Reply

  10. Totally irrelevant but I gotta admit she looks pretty damn good.

    Comment by Paul | February 9, 2010 | Reply

    • If I saw her on a billboard and didn’t know what she stood for, what she sounded like, how much hatred spews from her mouth, I’d agree. But for me the wretchedness shines through too clearly to see anything but the blackness of her soul.

      Thanks Paul!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 9, 2010 | Reply

  11. What a putrid hot mess – both Palin and Limbaugh….it amazes me that some people give her credibility…frightening……

    Comment by Amy Gray Light | February 9, 2010 | Reply

    • I guess we have to look at the people who do give them credibility. They can’t even spell their own protest signs.

      Thanks for stopping by Amy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 9, 2010 | Reply

  12. Joey Heatherton was hot! I wanted to be her when I was a young girl
    My father used to say she had a “coked up look” – of course that only made her more wonderful to me
    Now I pray that my grandbaby will aspire to the heights of awareness and Christian love set forth by Sarah. Lovely, loving Sarah. I have always believed God was a SHE and perhaps SHE is here.

    Poor Rush! Maybe he’s retarded?

    Comment by dianne | February 9, 2010 | Reply

    • I’ve always been a sucker for that coked up look myself Dianne. I think that the big hair, wild eyes, and loose morals had a lot to do with it. Like that girl in Less Than Zero. Not Robert Downey Jr. the other one.

      Honestly Dianne you just made me scare my dog with my laughter at the Limbaugh/retard line. They better never take retard away. It may be my single favorite non-curse word in the English language!

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 10, 2010 | Reply

  13. Sounds like a very moving experience. And I applaud her for reaching our to wacky backy Rastafarians.

    Comment by Donald Mills | February 10, 2010 | Reply

    • It was Don, and I totally agree; Rasta’s don’t get enough love or respect from our supposedly religiously diverse culture. We can always count on our Sarah to promote the building of bridges….so to speak.

      Thanks Don!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 10, 2010 | Reply

  14. As I stumble about the blogosphere, I am constantly pleased to find so many gifted, funny writers. Um, meaning, of course, that I think you’re one of them, otherwise that comment would be completely lame.

    I will never look at an Extra Value Meal in the same way ever again.

    Comment by Another Desert Rat | February 10, 2010 | Reply

    • Yea, that comment would have sucked if you finished with, ‘except you.’ I keep trying to comment on your beautifully disturbing image, but I can’t seem to sign up to google accounts. Maybe because I’m in Spain?

      Thanks Desert Rat!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 10, 2010 | Reply

  15. Was she wearing a wig? I’ve never seen her with quite so much hair before.

    This was hilarious, Scott.

    Comment by azahar | February 10, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m sure those boys at FOX are doing her some favors with ‘hair and make-up.’ Even off hours.

      Thanks Azahar!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 10, 2010 | Reply

  16. Funny stuff Scott. I think she is overestimated by both the right and the left. She will be a footnote within two years.

    Comment by fundamentaljelly | February 10, 2010 | Reply

    • I hope so, but I have underestimated the stupidity of the voting public many times before…. Man, I hope so.

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 10, 2010 | Reply

  17. Hahaha!

    Profundity, indeed.

    Seriously Scott, I´m not knowin what are I gonna do if I don’t find high-speed internet soon.

    So much comment-worthy wit on this post, so little patience I ain´t gonna got.

    Comment by bschooled | February 10, 2010 | Reply

    • I think to thank you B. Oh, but how you’ve already been missed! My internet has been running at the speed of a paraplegic on Xanex as well, so I feel your pain.

      I hope you’re having an amazing trip!

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 10, 2010 | Reply

  18. I’m so sorry I missed that speech but your recap is touching.

    I thought she had talked about that “hopey changey thingy”. That must have come from the haters who are inadequate to appear on Fox News.

    Comment by David | February 19, 2010 | Reply

    • No, no… it was my bad. Somebody apparently slipped a potent mixture of Peyote and ecstasy into my drink that night. It turns out that I mis-read the whole thing….sorry.

      Thanks David!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 20, 2010 | Reply

  19. Being as how I missed this post when it first came out due to the fact I had no idea who you were, I now post on this post. Such zen moments really, really, knock me out. I went out and bought the cover to her book . . . well, really I stole the cover and left the book there. Does that make me a bad person?

    Comment by jammer5 | June 12, 2010 | Reply


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