Zodi’s Blog

Facebook Profiles: Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck’s Info

About Me: I don’t have any other info up because why would I? They already know my date of birth, addresses, education, assets, investments, whether I had sex with my dear wife Tania this week, if I’ve eaten too much sugar or, GOD FORBID, SALT. They know which movies I enjoy, THEY EVEN KNOW THE COLOR OF MY COLON, PEOPLE! This is the liberal/Stalinist/Machiavellian/Italian?/Indonesian/Islamic and definitely UN-America culture of Big Brother that Obamamania has imposed with bad bad Leroy Brown (and Brown University is just another breeding ground for liberal elitists who want to know the color of MY COLON!) intentions. Do you see how obvious it is now?

 

 

Glenn Beck’s Wall

Nov 9th Glenn Beck – On sale now- the funniest, wildest, craziest, downright ridiculous outtakes from my nightly show. Oct 5th through Oct 9th Edition. Beck Gone Wild, Too Crazy for Cable!!! Buy now, only $14.99!! These box sets make great collectors items!! Buy now!!!!

Nov 10th Glenn Beck – Coming up on tonight’s show, I’ll prove that the Black Panthers, in collusion with Acorn, are trying to steal your wives and daughters and plan to ‘turn them out’ and make them their personal bitches and ho’s. It all becomes crystal clear when you exam the street lingo they use. Phrases such as “once you go black, you never go back” run much deeper than you’ve ever imagined. YOU’LL BE SHOCKED AND APPALED!!

~ Rush Limbaugh – I’ve been saying this about Ebonics for years now. It’s all a scam. They just want white women and big tires.

~ Larry Craig – Those naughty, naughty, big, black men need to be punished!

~ Eliot Spitzer – Where is all this going on? It should be stopped.

~ Shawn Hannity – @Eliot; yea you’d like that wouldn’t you, you filthy fornicator? You’re destroying this great, great, great nation!

~ Michael Steele – “Bitch better have my money.” “I’ll put my work boot up yo ass!” “I’ma bout to go all Ike up in this bitch, Tina!”

~ Rush Limbaugh – @Michael- Simmer down Steele. Freak. You black freak.

 

Nov 11th Post Apocalyptic Pet Care – Hi Glenn! We were wondering if you’d like to sponsor our service. We feel that our brands have a perfect synergy.

~ Foodinsurance.com likes this.

 ~ Glenn Beck – $200k sign on. $30k per shoot (TV). $20K per taping (radio). $5K per tweet or FB update. 8% of all future revenue share with stock options and you have a deal. It’s standard.

   

 

Nov 11th Glenn Beck – I can not watch 7 Pounds without tearing up. It is the Saddest. Movie. EVER.

~ Will Smith likes this.

 

Nov 13th Glenn Beck – Tonight’s show exposes the murderous Hollywood elite, their drug addled henchmen and the evil influence they’ve bought in Washington. These guys kill for fun and profit. I’m almost positive that they are responsible for the deaths of Charlton Heston, Sony Bono and John Voight. Anyone who dares to speak up against their shadowy control is in their crosshairs and marked for death.

~ John Voight – The Fuck? I’m not dead.

 

Nov 13th Glenn Beck- Don’t forget to visit Post Apocalyptic Pet Care for all of your post apocalyptic pet care needs. Who else is going to walk Fido during the seven year tribulation?

~ Post Apocalyptic Pet Care likes this. 

 

Nov 13th Glenn Beck – Tonight’s show exposes the murderous Hollywood elite, their drug addled henchmen and the evil influence they’ve bought in Washington. These guys kill for fun and profit. I’m almost positive that they are responsible for the deaths of Charlton Heston, Sony Bono and Ronald Reagan’s dog Rex. Anyone who dares to speak up against their shadowy control is in their crosshairs and marked for death.

~ John Voight likes this.

 

~ Shawn Hannity – I fear for you safety Glenn, I really do. God’s speed Sir!

~ Rush Limbaugh – I’ve been saying this stuff for years.

~ Ted Nugent – I hate those fucking fuckers. Ain’t taking my guns.

~ Larry Craig – Those naughty, naughty actors deserve punishment.

~ Chuck Norris – I’ll protect you Becksy. As you know there are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a roundhouse kick to the face. In fact there are none. Oh, also, I’m what Willis was talkin’ bout.

~ Hike Huckabee likes this.

 

Nov 16th Glenn Beck –It really burns my blood that wackos out there on the left are accusing me of being anti-Semitic because I dared to publicly denounce the Nazi devil Soros. He’s anti-Semitic. I’m pro-Semitic. I love Jews. I do, I really love Jews.

~ Alan Greenspan likes this

 

~ Shawn Hannity – It is the liberal Jews in this country who are anti-Semitic. And they are ruining this great, great, great country.

~ Ben Stein – We love you too Glenn!

~ Rush Limbaugh – I’ve been warning you people about Soros for years. Nobody listens El Rushbo anymore.

~ Larry David – Hey Glenn, are you my Israelite? Are you my Israelite? You are a fucking asshole Beck, you really are. Oh wait, I have a message from Susie. She says, “Fuuuuuckkkk Yoouuuuu!” Don’t feel bad though, that’s kind of her shtick.

~Glenn Beck – @Larry- you aren’t a real Jew who loves God and loves America. You’re an evil Hollywood Jew.

~Woody Allen – Beck, Lucifer just called and wants to know what time to expect you?

~ Shawn Hannity – @Woody- People like you (East Coast liberals, not Jewish people. I love Jewish people) are destroying this great, great, great country.

~ Jon Stewart – And fuck your mother’s mother. Now, go get your shine box!

~ Glenn Beck – Leave me alone Jon. You said you would in your rally thing.

 

Nov 17th Glenn Beck – On tonight’s show we’ll examine what the federal government, OPEC, a Saudi Prince, the liberal media, Queen Elizabeth II, and standardized testing in public schools have to do with MY COLON.   

~ Shawn Hannity likes this.

 

~ Rush Limbaugh – I’ve been talking about my colon for years now.

~ Larry Craig – They are so naughty. YOU are so naughty Becksy!

~ Michael Steele – “I’ll be put my foot up your colon Beck” –That was my street voice.

~ Ben Stein – The queen is an evil, imperial evolutionist.

~ Chuck Norris – I once cleaned a man’s colon. By kicking him in the face.

~ Shawn Hannity – @Chuck, LMBO! Wait, that didn’t even make sense.

~ Susie Essman ‘Green’ – “Fuuuuuckkkk Yoouuuuu Beck!”

November 28, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

56 Comments »

  1. 7 pounds was hands down the worst will smith movie I ever saw.

    Comment by Bearman | November 28, 2010 | Reply

    • It made me weepy, but I’m like that. Especially when I’m on my period.

      Thanks Bearman!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  2. I was so relieved when Jon Voight proved he was still alive. He deserved to have a long life after getting humped like a pig in Deliverance. Actors who do stuff like that take their art seriously. Susie Essman is losing her mojo – she used to call people “fat fucks” when she was at the top of her game.

    Comment by Gorilla Bananas | November 28, 2010 | Reply

    • I think it was Ned Beatty who squealed like a pig in Deliverance!

      Comment by frigginloon | November 29, 2010 | Reply

      • I thought it was Burt but I never actually saw it.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

        • It was Ned Beatty. And you should definitely see it Scott. Great film.

          Comment by nursemyra | November 29, 2010 | Reply

          • I’ll download it this weekend, if I can.

            Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • You were relieved but Angelina was pissed. I think it’s harder to get fat for a role because then you’re stuck with the weight. Or to trip on acid for like 6 months straight like Kilmer did for The Doors.

      Susie only called Jeff a fat fuck because he was a fat fuck. You have to be a fat fuck for her to call you a fat fuck. She’s cool like that.

      Thanks GB!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  3. Friend request:
    Hi Glen, I’d like to be your friend. I don’t think you know me, but if you’d invite Rush, Sean and that hot babe from up there near Russia, I could come visit and meet with you all to show you my plan to help make your dreams come true. Yes all those elitists and bad smart people could all be eliminated much easier with my plan. But I must show you all in person.
    Here’s my plan: The hard part of eliminating these people is that security is way to high. They’re all terrified. Now if nobody was afraid, that’s the trick my friends. You see, then security wouldn’t need to be so high. Are you getting my drift? So with my new cellphone here in my right hand and one push of the on button….. guess what this big donut like bulge is under my coat? BOOM!!!!!!
    Muhammad Rashid Suhrawardi

    Comment by Micky-T | November 28, 2010 | Reply

    • You have to love when his listeners put down their AK’s, take off their tin foil body armor, step away from the cool aid, and stop crying long enough to ‘worry about him, really, really worry about him because his life is in danger.’ Then they go on to tell you about how ‘those people’ will stop at nothing to bring him down.

      How anyone can believe that garbage is beyond me. I know exactly what he does because I do it all the time myself. It’s just string of consciousness theorizing. He takes whatever comes in his head and connects it to the next thing that comes into his head.

      Thanks Micky!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  4. from 90 percent understood to just 5 in one week; I assume you refer to;

    http://www.glennbeck.com/

    Comment by Dave Hambidge | November 28, 2010 | Reply

    • That’s the one Dave! Give him a whirl, you will be entertained.

      Thanks Dave!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  5. Oh my… who is going to walk my dog? I will just take her with me. What no Ebonics collectors edition boxed set?

    Comment by Siren | November 28, 2010 | Reply

    • Oh if you expect to be going in the rapture, then I’ll take care of your dog. I love dogs! And I hate raptures, so it works out.

      Thanks Siren!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  6. I LOLed so hard my lung came out. I was so waiting for Ann Coulter to poke Hannity!!

    Comment by frigginloon | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • God Damn it, I can’t believe I forgot about the horse faced tranny. This isn’t over with Beck, not by a long shot. It’s too fun.

      Thanks Loon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  7. LOL! These Facebook Profiles you do are awesome. This one is another classic dude. I’m guessing Beck will have a restraining order against you first thing tomorrow morning for this. He’s kind of touchy. The bitch.

    Comment by Jay | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • He better not. I have another half dozen character assaults left to do on him. Besides, if he tries to restrain me, I can blackmail him with those pics I have of his colon.

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  8. Poor John Voight. His daughter won’t speak to him and now this idiot thinks he’s dead.

    I love these Facebook posts. You rock them so hard!

    Comment by Amy | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • Ahh he deserves it. What kind of an asshole calls out his daughter on national TV?

      You almost made me feel ‘a certain kind of way’ with those complimentary words.

      Thanks Amy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

      • Story of my life. Making guys “almost feel a certain kind of way” since 1990.

        Comment by Amy | November 29, 2010 | Reply

        • Ok, so you totally did. You got me there!

          Promise.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  9. lol, ‘i once cleaned a mans colon by kicking him in the face’.
    Chuck norris rules

    Comment by Artswebshow | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • Yes, Chuck Norris has cleansed many colons in his lifetime. All without ever touching a grain of bran. He is that good.

      Thanks Artswebshow!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  10. I’m surprised Beck’s colon doesn’t self-irrigate with litres of bile as there is clearly plenty floating round his system.

    Comment by Mitzi G Burger | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • Oh he has an overflow of bile every day Mitzi. It comes spewing out of his mouth like so much vitriol.

      Sorry about that visual.

      Thanks Mitzi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 29, 2010 | Reply

  11. Not being on Facebook usually makes me feel a little behind the eight ball with these posts, but when I dont even know the fucktards you so often feature, I am really at lost

    But no fear, I’ve never really believed ignorance is bliss, preferring to instead fully immerse myself with the woes of the world. So I did some research and I’m all up to speed on the man who believes that “Sunlight is the best disinfectant. However, sanitizer is a must”, which has got me thinking that I might start leaving my dirty dishes out in the sun, and washing my hands with sanitser afterwards…

    Thanks for the introduction (and inspiring me to waste 10mins of my life looking at his website….)

    Comment by RubyTwoShoes | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • You really should get on Facebook so you can quit doing 8 balls and also so I can see what you look like. It’s not like I’m a pervert (I’m actually not) I just feel like I need to see what people look like when I know them, even in the bloggy way.

      That’s crazy; I had never seen his website until just now either. I usually just catch other people making fun of him. He’s a Fox News opinion guy who is making obscene amounts of money by scaring the shit out of white people.

      Thanks Ruby!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 30, 2010 | Reply

  12. you got Larry and Susie perfectly!!!

    Comment by nursemyra | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • That right there is the ultimate compliment for me!

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 30, 2010 | Reply

      • you’re welcome Scott

        Comment by nursemyra | November 30, 2010 | Reply

        • Best. Show. Ever. In my opinion. At least the best comedy.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 1, 2010 | Reply

  13. Well, I see that Woody Allen has finally put down that damn clarinet long enough to scrawl out a Facebook comment. And by “scrawl,” I mean that I envision him writing this in longhand and then have a personal assistant type it into the internet for him, after first typing it manually on a 40-year-old typewriter so he can vet it for errors.

    Maybe now he’ll finally go pick up his Oscars that he’s been too busy tooting his own horn to pick up over the last 30 years. I assume they’ve stashed them in a safety deposit box or bus station locker for him, should he ever descend from the strata to collect the worthless trinkets.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • You just mostly described me, only without all the vetting for errors or personal assistants. Or adopted wives. I write most of my longer stuff longhand and then type it in. I do, however, seriously need to start proofreading. I do it, but I always miss stuff. I hate it! Maybe I should adopt an Asian.

      His personal life aside, the man is a sick genius. I just read a few of his books for the first time and was surprised at how irrelevant and off the wall his humor was. Like me only better. A lot better.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 30, 2010 | Reply

  14. There’s humor in EVERYTHING, isn’t there ?, lol.

    Comment by Heff | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • When you have a sick, sick mind there is. Past drug use may also help, but I can’t tell.

      Thanks Heff!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 30, 2010 | Reply

  15. jammer5/span> Fuck you Glen “my tears will fall” Beck in your rebuilt colon and also in your other rebuilt colon that I paid Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick after which it will need to be rebuilt again and I’m not even saying I’m sorry or anything like that so fuck you again in either rebuilt colon. BTW . . . when are you having Sarah on again so I can pay Chuck Norris to kick her in the colon?

    Comment by jammer5 | November 29, 2010 | Reply

    • Wait, just wait. First of all, are you saying that you know that Beck has two colons? The freak, the white freak. Secondly, do you know Chuck Fucking Norris? You can pay him to do ‘colon hits?’

      If so, it’s is the most awesome thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Please put me in touch with the colonoscopizer.

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 30, 2010 | Reply

  16. My Gosh, Scott. You must stream beck n’ rush some to know that much about them! It was funny as hell and creepy too b/c Beck is like that. “I often listen to that sorry son of a c***s*****g ho! It’s crazy. You in Spain but you know about his foodinsurance, the world’s gonna end bs. You must read a lot too, man. Wow. I bow before you sir! Please, please do Sarah Palin! El Rushbo too. He was talking his Thanksgiving Indians suck stuff last week. Thank you, you sure be funny!

    Comment by Lisa | November 30, 2010 | Reply

    • No, I’ve actually never seen 5 minutes of the douchecanoe in action, honestly. All I’ve seen are clips on shows like The Daily Show, Colbert and Real Time. I don’t think I could watch him. Isn’t’ he like Charles Manson where you can’t spend five minutes in his presence without losing control of your own mind?

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 1, 2010 | Reply

  17. Ditto what Lisa said. You must got Fox news on twenty fo seven over there.

    My Dad watches this Fucktard all the time, so I got a healthy dose of him over my Thanksgiving break. Enough to make me want to shoot myself in the face.

    Just for the record, not all Republicans think this asshole is king.

    Comment by candice | November 30, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank God no. I’m actually not into the news channels at all. Way too depressing for me.

      I don’t think that at all. I believe that the vast majority on both sides are intelligent, well spoken people with convincing arguments. Both sides of the fence just have to stop allowing themselves to be represented by the lunatic fringe.

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 1, 2010 | Reply

  18. “…when up on tonight’s show, I’ll prove that the Black Panthers, in collusion with Acorn, are trying to steal your wives and daughters and plan to ‘turn them out’ and make them their personal bitches and ho’s.”

    Okay, fine. You win. Now I have no other choice but to watch this Glenn Beck guy, only because I can’t STAND not knowing why I find this comment so funny.

    I swear, being an ignorant Canadian isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

    Fricking hilarious post, Scott. Even if I don’t “Get Beck”.

    Comment by bschooled | November 30, 2010 | Reply

    • I love you for your sweet, gentle innocence B. I’ve found that ignorance really is bliss. Can you remember the utter heartbreak of hearing for the first time the Big Macs will kill you. Or that crizzy or horsey is bad for you? Or that you can go to jail for robbing pharmacies at night with nothing more that a sawzaw, bolt cutters and a flashlight?

      No, the more you know, the more life loses its magic and mystery.

      Stay pure. No, stay golden B, stay golden!

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 1, 2010 | Reply

  19. Black Panthers!!! Hi-larious.

    “~ Rush Limbaugh – I’ve been saying this about Ebonics for years now. It’s all a scam. They just want white women and big tires.” Hi-larious.

    And, shit, I thought Voight was dead too.

    Comment by Vodka and Ground Beef | December 1, 2010 | Reply

    • I fell in love with them for the first time during Forest Gump and I’ve never looked back. While many appear dour or even militant on their rough, black laden exterior, they are the nicest, funniest group of paramilitary culturists that I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing Madden 08 with for money.

      Thanks VaGB!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 1, 2010 | Reply

  20. ~ Michael Steele – “I’ll be put my foot up your colon Beck” –That was my street voice.

    Ha. That made me laugh audibly. Good One. Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | December 1, 2010 | Reply

    • That Michael Steele is always trying to be such a hard ass. He just never quite pulls off the ‘street.’

      Thanks Matt!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 1, 2010 | Reply

  21. bhahahaaha nice one i like this.

    i thought glenn beck was like 102 and that explained him…his senility

    Comment by Susi Spice | December 2, 2010 | Reply

    • He may appear young Susi, but he has a very old, weary, weepy, and crazy soul.

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 3, 2010 | Reply

  22. I love your FB posts. I’m still not going to go searching for Beck though – I can figure out that he’s an asshat just from the posts you and a few others have made about him. Love the Chuck Norris comments!

    Comment by Reb | December 2, 2010 | Reply

    • That’s a very smart decision Reb. From my understanding, watching or researching him is right between smoking crack and injecting meth into your eyeball on the ‘bad for you’ scale.

      Thanks Reb!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 3, 2010 | Reply

  23. Regis likes this.

    Comment by Dr. Ken | December 3, 2010 | Reply

    • And I like Regis. But only because he’s Irish.

      Thanks Dr. Ken!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 3, 2010 | Reply

  24. I dont know who glenn beck is, but he doesnt sound like hes a good, christian, man.

    -Rick

    Comment by Rick Jones | December 3, 2010 | Reply

    • That’s the weirdest thing I’ve found with Christians. They are all so damn unchristian-like.

      Thanks Rick!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 5, 2010 | Reply


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