Facebook Profiles: The Buddha

 

The Buddha’s Info

  

Sex: I have the sexual organs of a God! Too bad that God is Buddha. Haha!

Birth date: 563 Before. The. Christ. Haha! 

Current City: I don’t really like to be tied down and I tend to travel a lot. Why does your mind seek to label and pigeon hole?

Relationship Status: It’s complicated.  

Looking for: Nothing, we possess all we will ever need inside of us. And Cheesy Puffs.

Activities: Ending suffering, surfing (just learned!), chowing, being, letting my love light shine, chillaxin.

Interests: Philosophy, candles, eastern thought, chillaxin. Asking myself… Get it? Haha! 

TV Shows: Weeds, 30 Rock, Breaking Bad. 

Books: The Stieg Larsson trilogy, Time Travelers Wife, Eckhart Toole, anything by Deepak Chopra.

Quotes: I am the way, the truth and the light. –Jesus. That dude is righteous bro.  

About Me: I’m a pretty humble God, just trying to end suffering, bring consciousness to the world, chow down and chillax! I am not inherently opposed to marijuana. Why would I be?  

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The Buddha’s Wall

     

July 11^th The Buddha – It is better to travel well than to arrive.

~ Keanu Reeves – Dude!

~ Tiger Woods – Well said Buddha, but I miss my Escalade. And my wife.

~ The Buddha – Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Take a smoke if it will help. 

~ Keanu Reeves – Duuuuuude!

~ Tiger Woods – Thanks bro.

 

July 13^th Richard Gere – Quick question. If I save the life of an animal of the field, a small rodent as such, does his life then belong to me in essence?

~ Uma Thurman – Owww. You freak.

~ Oliver Stone – How do you know it’s a rodent and not some space creature putting these thoughts into your head? Have you thought of that Richard?

~ Richard Gere – @Uma. Fuck off bitch. @Oliver. Oh my, you may be right!

~ Keanu Reeves – shit dude?

~ The Buddha – Every one needs to walk the middle road. @Uma, be nice. @Oliver, please take your medication and stop confusing the idiots. @Richard, how many times have I told you that you are going to be reincarnated as a colostomy bag if you keep this up. Do not interfere with nature. Your mind seeks fulfillment where it can not be found.

~ Uma Thurman – I disagree Buddha. Anal sex can be nice.

~ Keanu Reeves – hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe dude!

~ Richard Gere – I’m sorry master, I’ll meditate on it.

~ The Buddha – Meditate with no animal up your ass Richard. That is the middle way.

 

July 13^th Jesus Christ – Hey B, you want to mash up some waves tomorrow?

~ The Buddha – Yea, I’m down. Breakfast at IHOP?

~ Jesus Christ – Absofreakinglutely!

~ Keanu Reeves – Can I come? 

~ The Buddha - Have you any herb?

~ Keanu Reeves – dude!

~ The Buddha – Ok, but don’t get all talky.

~ Jesus Christ – 6am tomorrow guys!

 

July 13^th The Buddha became a fan of The Sound of One Hand Clapping, Becoming a Fan, and The Office.

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July 14^th The Buddha- Killer waves and righteous peeps!

~ Jesus Christ, J-Lo and Keanu Reeves like this.    

 

July 14^th The Buddha- To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one’s own in the midst of abundance.

~ The Buddha – Can a Buddha get a like? WTF. 

 

July 15^th The Buddha is now friends with Steven Segal, Mark Wahlberg and 14 others.

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July 17^th Pat Robertson- You should be ashamed of yourself. You are leading all these heathens straight into hell. Plus you’re fat.

~ The Buddha – Your soul suffers Pat. You need to seek peace.

~ Pat Robertson – You’re going to hell you fatso. I can squat 4500 pounds, thanks to God. And my protein shake.

~ The Buddha – Please do not spam my wall Pat.

 

July 17^th The Buddha wrote on Mohammad’s wall.

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July 17^th The Buddha – Haha, some people are so afraid of hell that they create it on earth.

~ Cher and Oliver Stone like this.

~ Pat Robertson – You are a passive aggressive fat man. Have you become a fan of The 700 club yet?

~ Tom Cruise – You are both so ignorant. You are both so wrong. My Lord Xenu knew you when you were a mere pup, Siddhartha Gautama. You and Pat both need to Come to the Real Truth!

~ The Buddha – @Tom why do you feel the need to capitalize what are only words. Words hold no inherent power, they only point the way to the truth. Or Truth as you would say.

~ Tom Cruise – Don’t be glib Siddhartha.

~ Keanu Reeves – @Tom. dude i love you in that movie you did u should come check out my band somtime we should get 2gether and hang do u surf? i went surfing with buddha and JC the other day u want 2 surf with me to? it’ll be sick

~ Tom Cruise – @shit4brains- I’d rather have sex with a female.

~ Jesus Christ – Don’t resist the asshole Buddha, if you ignore him he’ll go away eventually.

~ Pat Roberson – My Lord, is that you?

~ Jesus Christ – I defriended you for a reason Pat, leave me alone.  

 

July 18^th Mohammad- Hi Buddha. Thanks for the birthday wishes my brother. May a million spider webs protect you always.

~ The Buddha likes this.

 

July 19^th The Buddha – Just chillin under a Bodhi tree with Patrick Swayze listening to some Nirvana hahaha!

~ The Buddha – There were like 3 jokes in that one. Why can’t you people just ‘like’ it?

~ Keanu Reeves likes this.

~ Keanu Reeves – dude, i got 2 of those funny jokes I was in the movie tell patrick that nobody puts baby in a corner hehehe he’ll get it!

~ Phil Jackson - @Keanu- Did your mother huff glue while breast feeding you? @Buddha- Hey B, I just came up with an inspiring and Zen inducing locker room speech, let me know when you have a minute to help me fine tune it.

~ Keanu Reeves – @Phil. your a dickbag

 

July 20^th The Buddha wrote on Phil Jackson’s wall.

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July 20^th The Buddha- I heart fried peanut butter and Jelly toped with vanilla ice cream with a side of hot dogs and cheesy poofs!

~ Keanu Reeves - dude! mumumnomnomnom!

 

July 21^st Ziggy Sobotka- Is this where I come to blow shit up and get 72 virgins?

~ The Buddha – No.

~ Mohammad – Oh Jesus Christ.

~ Jesus Christ – What?

~ Jesus Christ - Seriously, what?