Zodi’s Blog

April 1st but no fooling – madness on a motorized bar stool.

Yesterday another world record for stupidity was broken as the first known DUI on a barstool occurred. A 28 year old was charged with the crime after wrecking his makeshift ‘drunken self transporter machine.’ Which is a barstool welded onto a 5 horsepower lawnmower. Apparently the stooge on a stool had been driving the contraption for months.

 

After astounded police arrived on the scene Kile Wygle admitted to drinking “a lot” which it turns out means 15 beers, or a ‘hillbilly six pack’ as it is known among his peers.

 

Kile Wygle, I assume is a real person and not some human clone of Wylie Coyote juxtaposed into our unfortunate world. Although you can easily picture Wylie, I mean Kile’s face as he started to slide off of that barstool and slide onto the asphalt.

The inebriated Tim Allen, tool-time wannabee was released from the hospital yesterday with minor injuries and a major hangover.

 

The Ohio resident was also charged with driving on a suspended license. I can only assume the suspension was for driving with self styled beer goggles and not his required corrective lenses.

 

Still, I have to admire the engineering prowess of his successfully combining his two favorite pastimes… drinking, and sitting on a bar stool drinking, with the extra added convenience of mobility.

 

The true tragedy in this was the fact that ‘Killian Kile’ hadn’t completed the addition of a built in catheter, allowing him to remain seated for everything but sleep and court appearances.

 

I am proud to know that Americans still have the ingenuity to both injure themselves and get arrested in new and outrageous ways, proving that we are still the envy of the free world.

 

My only surprise about this story was that it didn’t happen in Florida.

 

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April 1, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , ,

6 Comments »

  1. Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.

    Comment by Mr WordPress | April 1, 2009 | Reply

  2. Well written and funny

    Comment by wyrm11268 | April 3, 2009 | Reply

  3. If you look closely enough, Scott, you’ll find that a lot of evolutionary u-turns take place on Ohio soil. Of course, they’re streaming in from West Virginia and Kentucky, but nonetheless…

    I wrote a new motto for my state:

    Ohio: Well, at least we’re not New Jersey

    The Nerd

    Comment by wordnerd45 | August 4, 2009 | Reply

    • I lived in Pittsburgh for the first 27 years of my life so I’m very familiar with what streams in from West Virginia. In terms of weird news though, no place on the planet can hold a candle to Florida; where life truly is a Carl Hiaasen novel. Or at least Tim Dorsey.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 5, 2009 | Reply

  4. HEY!!! I remember this post on your blog. Well, here’s another one for ya…in case you havent’ seen this, check it out

    http://www.tmz.com/2009/10/22/man-gets-dui-on-lazy-boy-mobile/

    The Nerd

    Comment by wordnerd45 | October 22, 2009 | Reply

    • This was my first post. This incident forced me into blogging. I’ll read that, thanks!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 23, 2009 | Reply


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