Zodi’s Blog

The New Reality #1

#1 because I have a feeling that this is a topic I will come back to endlessly, it’s just too good. After already having established my affinity for reality shows I thought I’d share some of my more innovative ideas for the future of reality programming. I have tried pitching some of these ideas to the major networks but I’m still not positive that it’s a go. It’s really hard to communicate with a restraining order. Yes, I’m talking about you NBC.

Anyway here are a few…

 

~Amsterdam After Dark.

I know what you’re thinking, but no, nothing too pornographic. We would follow a cast of 7 principle ‘characters’ through their lives and misadventures in Amsterdam’s red light district. After meeting an explicit criteria based casting call that is sure to have the freaks lining up around the corner, 12 lucky contestants will be chosen based on their experience. The call will go out for prostitutes, club promoters, dancers, sex show performers, cops (preferably a little on the shady side), coffee shop owners and ecstasy dealers. One or two from each category will move on to the next stage – a chance to not only appear on TV at their worst, but also to be able to show off their chosen lifestyle to thousands of enthralled and confused viewers. Oh, and a chunk of change, enough to at least pay for a rehab, medical care, or commissary in the event of incarceration.

We’d get to know these people intimately and thoroughly through their ups and downs, highs and lows, no pun intended. Maybe the most entertaining of all would be the chance to ‘meet’ the side characters on the periphery of society that could only be found in Holland (or Florida). The characters in the sex clubs alone would be worth the price of admission. I’d have to do something about the background techno beat though, I hate that shit. It would be like a drugged up, sexed up, European version of ‘Housewives of Orange County’ except without the housewives. Ok, nothing at all like that show, but you get the gist.  

                                                               

~Convict Island.

A harmonious combination of the violence of MSNBC’s ‘Lock up’ and the mystery and violence of ‘Lost’. This quality program would probably have to air at night on HBO, Showtime, or even pay per view, due to what might be a whole lotta blood. We would take the worst of the worst type prisoners, guys so evil and violent they can’t even function in prison, guys who are in the shoe for life, and offer them an ideal alternative. The alternative is of course being dropped on a tropical island in the middle of nowhere with 50 like minded contemporaries. Surround the island with underwater electric fencing. Fill their side of the sea with sharks, eels, barracudas, box jellyfish, and whatever the hell Brook Shields stepped on in ‘Blue Lagoon. Add some hidden cameras and presto, prime time magic baby. Magic!  Then if they got themselves on track and sorted out and the show became a little boring, you could throw in some tigers, cheetahs, and maybe to give it a ‘Lost’ feel, a few polar bears. If I could do a smoke monster I would, but that’s just not an option in real life, unfortunately.  It would be a win/win for everyone, they wouldn’t have to rot away in a box for centuries, and we would be provided with at least a couple hours of entertainment. If this one sounds a little mean, I apologize but there is absolutely nothing worth watching on Tuesday night. 

 

~Big Brother OCD.

The worst part about OCD is when you feel that you have to do some compulsion, but you know that you’re being watched, and you have to do it anyway. Then you feel like a freak, but you’re not a freak damn it, it’s just that if I don’t tap my right arm against my right leg while silently mouthing the Family Guy theme 4 times in a row, then my father will probably die in a sub-prime, credit crunch induced freak accident. Oops..breath…..ok, that was what the doctor calls a slip. So as far as debilitating mental illnesses go, OCD is by far one of the most amusing. So the show would be like regular Big Brother but with obsessions and compulsions. The HOH competition would consist of games like who can walk by a light switch without having to flick it 17 times. Who can shake the most hands in a row without running to the bathroom in tears to apply the compulsory hand sanitizer. Lots of fun and games like those. We would put people in the house with conflicting compulsions as well. There will be one person who has to polish every piece of silverware in the tray and another who has to rewash anything that’s been touched by someone else. They would either kill each other or just get over it. They would just get over it, trust me I know. If need be we could add a physiatrist and meds as rewards. See the show does have some redeeming social value as well.     

 

I personally guarantee that these would be some of the top rated shows in television history. (I feel that we would win all resulting lawsuits as well.) I don’t understand why the network execs refuse to acknowledge my genius. Anyway, due to my perseverance and optimism I’m still filming and doing research in Amsterdam. My dedication to excellence in broadcasting is inexplicable, even to myself.

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April 22, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , ,

9 Comments »

  1. You should DEFINITELY be in television development and production. I would so watch those shows.

    Comment by Davis | April 22, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks, I’m working on that as we speak, well as I write. Actually, I’m not the best multitasker, so yea., thanks for the comment!

      Comment by zodifl | April 22, 2009 | Reply

  2. That’s hilarious….how do I sign up for Amsterdam After Dark …

    Comment by Paul Burke | April 24, 2009 | Reply

  3. I’d like to volunteer for key grip. I don’t have any experience, but I think that it would just add to the brilliance of your shows. Let me know, so I can give my boss notice.

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | April 25, 2009 | Reply

    • The key grip is yours. You’re going to need those grippers once we’re in Amsterdam.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 20, 2009 | Reply

  4. […] you missed #1, I strongly urge you to go back and read The new reality #1 I need strong moral and financial support in my brave fight to put quality programming on the air! […]

    Pingback by The New Reality #2 « Zodi’s Blog | May 23, 2009 | Reply

  5. I acknowledge your genius Scott…this stuff is pure gold.

    Comment by bschooled | September 9, 2009 | Reply

  6. […] them at the big fans of the major studios hoping something will stick. You can find my best work at The New Reality #1 So anyway, my latest but probably not my […]

    Pingback by The New Reality #4 « Zodi’s Blog | September 27, 2009 | Reply


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