Zodi’s Blog

The New Reality #2

More of the best new reality TV ideas!

 If you missed #1, I strongly urge you to go back and read The new reality #1 I need strong moral and financial support in my brave fight to put quality programming on the air! I have a network executive tied up in my basement but so far negotiations are at a standstill. So I need your help people! I have come up with a few more charming ideas to push the envelope of reality!

 

~An Honest Education or Home School Hell?

This would be a Jeopardy-style game show for those lucky seniors about to graduate from that esteemed classroom at Mom’s kitchen table. Our young scholars will answer such questions as;

─What kind of dinosaurs did Adam and Eve have as pets?

─Is the NRA one of the three branches of government, Yes or No?

─What is the square root of 25?

─ If you have 20 people, 12 are catholic, 10 are liberals, 5 are gay, and 15 saw “The Da Vinci Code” how many are going to hell?

In the event of a tie, we would have them point out the various places that the ‘evil-doers’ live on a map, with the ‘axis of evil’ countries being worth double. 

Unfortunately, the ‘losers’ parents will face criminal prosecution by the United Negro College Fund, because a mind IS a terrible thing to waste!

The lucky winner will get to choose from a vast array of employment opportunities such as;

  • Restroom attendant for Larry Craig!
  • Page for Mark Foley!
  • Masseuse/Meth-dealer for Ted Haggard!
  • Or, if Sarah Palin wins in 2012, The Attorney General of the United States!

*In the interest of being ‘Fair and Balanced’ I’ll pick on a liberal arts education soon.

 

 

~ Animal Relations with Dr. Drew

A couple months ago I wrote a post titled Dirty animal sex and its popularity has astounded me. It was about animals having sex, not sex with animals. You would not know that from the keywords people ‘googled’ to get to this post however. At one point I looked up the most popular keywords out of curiosity, and most were involving Hot Live Porn, Filthy Monkey Masturbation, and Philly Cocks*. Anyway the pathology of the human mind fascinates me, so why not do a show to find out how all of these people became this way.

I mean I kind of ‘get’ why lonely farmers out it the middle of nowhere resort to sex with goats. I don’t really get it, but it’s understandable in the way that people who marry their cousins in West Virginia are understandable. There are just no other options. But to seek something like that out on the internet, which is filled to it’s sex crazed brim with anything else you might want, WHY animals. How can someone’s thought process/libido become so twisted that sex with livestock could make them even minutely aroused? What happened during childhood? Show me on this Curious George doll, er.. wait,.. AAHHH!

Dr. Drew is perfect for the role because he’s one of the few people that is capable of sitting through an interview with a rabbit rapist without laughing, crying, or puking. I think it would make compelling TV to say the least.

*I did not add all of those keywords just to get thousands of hits on this blog. HAHA!

PS. If you came upon this post by way of Philly Cocks, then please seek help immediately!

 

 

~Survive This

This show will be a complete rip off of Survivor except for the fact that it will be real. We will drop 10 lucky contestants in the middle of exotic and dangerous locations. There will be no Jeff Probst, there will be no rewards, no rules, the only challenge will be to survive and not quit. Whoever makes it the longest wins a cool million. We’ll make sure that all they are all dick-ish and cocky, that they brag and lie all the time. We will pretty much follow the gold standard that ‘Coach’ set this year on ‘Survivor’. Then if they give up, they’ll have to sign an affidavit promising to never speak of their greatness again. Then I will appear and say, “Your dragon slayer sword is now forever sheathed” or something along those lines.

 

Then every couple seasons we will mix it up and have an urban edition where we take ten wasp-ish contestants and drop them in the ‘hood’. Or, take ten minority contestants and drop them in the bible belt. We could have a celebrity edition where we put Rush Limbaugh in San Francisco, put Nancy Pelosi in a southern country club, and feed Lou Dobb’s to some hungry immigrants.

  

Please do feel free to leave a comment or an idea. If you would care to contribute to this worthy cause, please make checks payable to Zodiblog; In care of Ecstasy and Hookers, Amsterdam Holland, Po box.55555 as I am STILL stuck here filming, ‘Amsterdam After Dark’. Oh, the sacrifices I continue to make for my fans!!

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May 23, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , ,

15 Comments »

  1. Philly Cocks are hard to get along with, (no pun intended). ‘Survive This’ has to be the best name for a show hands down.

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | May 24, 2009 | Reply

  2. Wow, I hadn’t even realized the double entendre on that phrase. Now that I think about it, those two words have 5 or 6 meanings. Thanks for the brain exercise again my friend!
    You are the grip. As soon as you’re ready, come to europe!!

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 24, 2009 | Reply

  3. Still waiting on my passport. Something about poultry or food exporting???

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | May 25, 2009 | Reply

  4. lol. I forgot about that issue. Well, I brought my dog over here, we’ll get you sorted out! You better be one hell of a key grip!

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 25, 2009 | Reply

  5. Hi Scott. Wow, this is just like hanging out at my own place!
    Animal relations with Dr Drew? That’s a spin off of the Jerry Springer show isn’t it?

    With tags like those, these shows will all have to be on Fox!

    Comment by Claire Collins | May 25, 2009 | Reply

  6. What I had in mind was a bit more of a Dr. Phil feel. A sad, gross, funny, exploration of the twisted human brain. I just want to know why!!!
    I do think Fox will be the prime canidate for most of my shows, due to the ‘in bad taste’ factor, the rest will be cable or pay per view!
    Thanks Claire!

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 25, 2009 | Reply

  7. I am the greatest key grip in the whole world, the whole universe. Don’t tell anybody, but my real name is Keyan Grippin, hence the trade is named after me.

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | May 26, 2009 | Reply

  8. I knew that our friendship would eventually win me a trivial pursuit ‘pie’! “come on die, gimme ‘arts and enertainment!”

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 26, 2009 | Reply

    • Nothing is more satisfying than a piece of pie. Wait a minute… a feel a new reality show coming on… full contact Trivial Pursuit?

      Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | May 27, 2009 | Reply

  9. Dr. Drew came to the university where I work last fall and he told us this rather disturbing story about a young man’s “relationship” with his dog. I promise you, he (along with everyone else in the room) was THIS CLOSE to barfing.

    Comment by Pammy | June 2, 2009 | Reply

  10. I’m actually surprised he was close to losing his lunch; he’s usually as stoic as Buddha! That’s why I thought he’d be perfect for the role! Considering he brought this story up at a university, I pray it was about the psychological side and not medical um…complications? ugh.
    Thanks Pammy!! If you run into him again, maybe you could put in a good word for me?

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 3, 2009 | Reply

  11. I suppose it was on the psychological side. The kid was explaining that he didn’t need a girlfriend (or boyfriend) because his dog provided for all of his “needs”. It was a little, uh, graphic. I want to say it was a Great Dane but I really can’t remember (I think, for my own sanity, I blocked out the details).

    P.S. Dr. Drew is HOT!

    Comment by Pammy | June 3, 2009 | Reply

    • Thank God you can block it out! If you couldn’t you might end up as a female Hannibal Lector or something. You’d be emotionally scarred anyway. I hope Dr. Drew straightened that kid out by now! Why are there no famous hot girl Docs??

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 3, 2009 | Reply

  12. […] enjoy for some time now. If you missed them, please check out ‘The New Reality’ #I and #II . I guarantee you will love them or my name is not Chuck Barris and I am not a CIA assassin. My […]

    Pingback by The New Reality #3 « Zodi’s Blog | August 21, 2009 | Reply

  13. […] up surpised even me and I’m the creator of such quality programming as Amserdam After Dark, Animals Relations with Dr. Drew and Alcoholic […]

    Pingback by Is This Really On? « Zodi’s Blog | February 19, 2010 | Reply


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