Zodi’s Blog

A beer in every hand

Democracy through beer goggles

Last night was a big night for democracy in Spain. At least it was in our little mountain village nestled high in the Alpujarras.   Yeah baby, Election Day, which was as entertaining as everything else here is to my American mind.  See, they apparently vote the way they do everything else in this country; by getting shit-faced, falling down drunk and stoned. As always, these old farmers started drinking at the crack of dawn, literally. It all starts off with brandy and coffee at a ratio of 2 to 1. By noon, they are drinking vino and spilling out of the bars. At 3:00pm the opposing political parties set up bars on opposite sides of the street, giving away free beer and wine. From there everything progresses nicely to revelry, fights, black-outs, and ballot casting.

So now each political party has half the street cordoned off, with about 2 feet of open space in the center. Each side is growing in numbers, drunkenness, and partisanship. Are you getting a nice mental picture of this yet?

Now if you think that America or the UK is bad with ridiculous politics and campaign promises, you should really get out more. Come over here for some democracy in action. These guys make the smear campaigns we’re used to seem tame. I’ve heard politicians accusing each other of being murderers and rapists, only to ‘take it back’ once the campaign is over, then they all seem to get along again. As far as promises; these guys make the Obama campaign seem dour and pessimistic by comparison. They not only promise ‘a chicken in every pot,’ they will breed it, raise it, kill it, pluck it, and send you a gourmet chef to cook it in a platinum pot in your brand new gold plated kitchen. The problem is both sides are making these promises to elderly, drunken, mostly illiterate men. There is no accountability, only free booze.

Oh, I should mention that all of these old men love their weed too. They roll it in their tobacco and smoke like a tire fire. They are mostly farmers after all, and it’s always been a nice side income. I don’t know which politician promised them ‘a bud in every bowl’ but the entire town was lit up like a Christmas tree last night.

Almost everybody must be registered as an independent, since most people kept staggering from side to side. Maybe different kinds of tapas? Although there seemed to be few loyalties, there were some violent skirmishes. I saw a few pushing matches break out between the bingo brigade, but thankfully no one broke a hip. 

When it came time to actually vote at 9:00pm, after a day of free booze, they all staggered into a large government building. You could only get in if you were Spanish and voting, but I did peek through a door and saw an open bar. No, I’m not kidding. Whatever else happened in there was more mysterious and confusing than the plotline of “Lost.”

The best way I can describe is if you put the democratic and republican conventions in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, then changed election day to fat Tuesday. Can you see the picture now?

I went to bed last night to the sound of angry drunken, stoned, socialist farmers arguing, puking and falling down. My wife and I helped two old men stand back up before calling it a night.

I went to town this morning to find old men sleeping on benches, propped up in doorways, and yep, back in the bars drinking. I don’t know who won last night, but it wasn’t these old men. They probably accidentally voted for Franco again.

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June 2, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

9 Comments »

  1. yeah, but at least the weather, scenery and food are great, unlike US and UK

    Comment by Davis | June 2, 2009 | Reply

  2. Davis- I think you may have misunderstood, I freaking love it here. I’m all about the live human entertainment!

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 2, 2009 | Reply

  3. Wow. I guess they’ve just dropped any pretense of a civilized, responsible government. Actually, it sounds rather appealing, since I often feel our own process is a farce.
    I’m glad we have a constitutionally guided republic. At least we know how things might work, if only humans weren’t involved.

    Comment by barelyknittogether | June 2, 2009 | Reply

  4. Barelyknittogether-I agree! In my opinion, the world would be a much better place if humans were not involved! It’s the same as our elections in the US; If our elections were alcoholic, steroid raging, professional wrestlers being promoted by Vince McMahon! Thanks for the comment!

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 3, 2009 | Reply

  5. Sounds great to me. I have to think a lot more people would get involved in the process if things were more like that. And if they lowered the voting age to 14.

    Comment by Shawn | June 3, 2009 | Reply

    • That’s funny you say that, I’m not sure what the voting age is here, but the drinking age is like 1 month. They still give their baby a ‘gum of whiskey’ for teething over here! No matter what bar or club you go to there are kids (like 16-17) drinking their asses off until 5am. Most seem better behaved than I was when I got smashed at that age tho!
      As for the voting, hell yea; I would have been a little Rush Limbaugh if it meant drinking! I would have probably been working for Obama by now actually; he’s more in line with the free beer angle!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 3, 2009 | Reply

  6. Where’s the reality show in all of this?

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | June 5, 2009 | Reply

    • Rooster, I can see a reality show in anything! Actually this is one of the better ones. Follow two candidates on the pub crawl/campaign trail. Sex, lies, intrigue, and bumper stickers! I’ll include it in #3, but you get the gist! Thanks KG!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 5, 2009 | Reply

  7. I know one more decision

    Comment by LeraJenkins | June 23, 2009 | Reply


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