Zodi’s Blog

You are my sunshine

I was going to write a blog detailing how unhappy most of the people of England are. About how walking down even quiet, quant, little village streets the people refuse to look up at you, to acknowledge your existence as a fellow human in any way, much less to smile back and say hello.

                

I was going to write about how their thin and pasty skin is stretched in a downcast snarl of hate and pain, covering brown, yellow, and crocked teeth. About how the little children who even while riding their bikes are frowning, complaining, and looking for a fight. When I asked one kid about it he told me that he didn’t care if he got hurt or hurt someone else just as long as hurting was involved. 

 

I was going to write about how I saw a grandmotherly nun beat a puppy to death with a cane stolen from a nearby blind man. About how Tony Robbins and Pippy Longstockings committed a double suicide involving the London Eye, teeth whitener and an umbrella. About how I saw the Supernanny getting little kids drunk and making them play online poker for money.

 

I was going to explain how incredibly miserable the average citizen of the UK appears to be. Then something miraculous happened. It was as if the black and thunderous storm clouds parted, the rain finally subsided, the fog mercifully lifted, and the sun cast its life giving energy back upon the earth, lifting the depression and loneliness off of the inhabitants of this cursed country. Oh wait; that is exactly what happened.

 

The sun came out! You would have thought that it was the last day of high school and the final bell had rung. It was like an entire country was a death row inmate that had received the call from the governor at the 11th hour. The day turned into a party in the streets. Suddenly London was Paris in the springtime. Tables and chairs were whisked outside, and patrons were drinking and dining alfresco. Cafes were soon filled with jubilant and beautiful nubile bodies kissing and touching, eating and drinking. Laughter and dancing spilled out onto the streets. The beautiful romantic streets now cast in a soft golden light.

 

I then saw a group of supermodels swarm in on a Microsoft Vista protest and pick out nerdy and lonely men to have random sex with. I saw Sir Ben Kingsley smile. I saw the Queen put on some Jay-Z and get jiggy with it. I saw Posh Spice hug a homeless man.

 

I do have to wonder how much of this was based on my own perceptions? I do love me some sunshine.

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June 20, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

21 Comments »

  1. Well at least your melatonin levels will increase. Funny thing, this hormone has a short half-life and is excreted in the “piss” within an hour. Enjoy this while you can.

    Comment by fundamentaljelly | June 20, 2009 | Reply

    • -Don’t I know it! I’m already a full blown addict. Moving from Pittsburgh to Florida was the beginning. Moving from Florida to Spain sent me reeling out of control. It won’t be long before I hit full blown, rock bottom sun addiction!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 21, 2009 | Reply

  2. Well at least your melatonin levels will increase. Funny thing, this hormone has a short half-life and is excreted in the “piss” within an hour. Enjoy this while you can.
    Oops…forgot to say great post! Looking forward to your next one.

    Comment by fundamentaljelly | June 20, 2009 | Reply

  3. Makes me wish I were in London. I will be back tomorrow to tell you how uproariously funny I found this.
    -BKT

    Comment by barelyknittogether | June 20, 2009 | Reply

  4. But did the Queen back that thing up and then drop it like it was hot? That’s what I really want to know.

    Comment by candice | June 21, 2009 | Reply

    • Candice- she dropped that ass like a fucking nuclear bomb!
      Then she shook her milkshake for all the boys in the yard! It was jaw dropping!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 21, 2009 | Reply

  5. I’m back! Typing to you from a hotel room in the glamorous city of Roanoke, VA. I came back because, though it isn’t cloudy here, it can inspire the same kind of depression, which reading this immediately dispelled.

    I just have nothing as amusing as your writing to add. Thanks for the substitute zoloft. 😉

    Comment by barelyknittogether | June 21, 2009 | Reply

    • BKT-What’s wrong with Roanoke? I’ve never been there but I’ve always enjoyed Virginia Beach. Although I was living in Pittsburgh at the time, nevermind. For me, the sun is like heroin; you could be on the beautiful island of Ibiza, or in a slum of Mumbai, and it’s all good as long as you got that good, good shit!
      Does your hotel have a pool? The only thing better than sun is sun and water!!
      Thanks for your lovely words!-See, I’m learning those impecable British manners!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 21, 2009 | Reply

      • Roanoke has its merits. But none of them are accessible late at night when you have to get up at 0’dark:30 to get one’s husband to the airport for army summer camp.

        I agree completely about sunshine and water. The hotel, unfortunately, had no pool. Traveling on the cheap. *sigh* But give me some sun and a beach, a river, or even a nicely flowing creek, and I am a happy, happy woman.

        Comment by barelyknittogether | June 21, 2009 | Reply

  6. Well it’s a good thing you didn’t write about any of that depressing, rainy day, sadness… that would have been a total washout. So does your (newly) FULL BRIT wife have her moods altered so dramatically by the weather in other parts of the world, (I mean since she’s FULL BRIT and all and from what you’re saying their souls are intertwined with the forecast)?

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | June 21, 2009 | Reply

  7. No, my full Brit wife doesn’t get affected as much as I do by the sun or lack of sun. Not as much as I do. I think a lot of the city dwellers in London have a distrust of strangers and an unwillingness to share even pleasantries with all but the closest friends and family. However, on that rare occasion of sunshine all of that disappears in a country-wide euphoria.

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 21, 2009 | Reply

  8. I have so much sun that I actually get happier and excited when the clouds come out and the rain falls. It’s such a rare occurance.

    I lived in Oregon for awhile. It rained the whole time. Very depressing.

    Comment by Claire Collins | June 21, 2009 | Reply

    • I do know what you mean Claire. In Spain it doesn’t rain a drop between May and Oct. I loved the early afternoon thunderstorms all summer in Florida.
      Still after just a week in England, I found myself missing the sun. Crazy!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 22, 2009 | Reply

  9. Great stuff.

    Last time I was there all I saw was the inside of several pubs. Oh, and I had sex with the Queen.

    Comment by alantru | June 23, 2009 | Reply

    • But you didn’t touch her, right? Because you’re not supposed to touch her, you know.

      Comment by barelyknittogether | June 23, 2009 | Reply

    • BKT- You are allowed to touch her during sex but only if you give her what’s known as a ‘tongue curtsy’ first!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 23, 2009 | Reply

    • Alantru- Yea, the first time I went all I saw was pubs. This was just as good. I heard the Queen was kind of a dead fuck? Then again you have a limp bat. Hahahaha!!! Sorry.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 23, 2009 | Reply

      • She chugged from a bottle of Pimms and then yelled “on with his head”

        It was awesome!

        Comment by alantru | June 24, 2009 | Reply

  10. Do you have money Scott? If you do, I’ll swap you sunshine for money – payment up front of course 😀

    Comment by Julie | June 23, 2009 | Reply

    • Julie, Well I guess having money is relative, but relatively speaking or not, no, not really. The good news is that I’m back in Spain and riding the sunshine wave high! The bad news is, if I had bought some sun off of you, I think I’d be returning it right about now. It’s 95 and sunny. There is no AC anywhere in this part of Spain. Do you have any rain or especially wind for sale??

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 23, 2009 | Reply

  11. Nope ‘fraid not Scott! No rain or wind today, sold ’em in bulk yesterday! Today currently glorious sunshine with 55,4 temp (I had to use temp converter to get to that figure). Anything else I can interest you in? Always happy to relieve someone of excess notes 😀

    Comment by Julie | June 24, 2009 | Reply


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