Zodi’s Blog

Lovejuice needs a spokesman

Eventually I’m going to decide to wake up from this fairytale world of siestas and fiestas and go back to the grown up world of bills and bullshit. When that day comes I plan to head butt my way into the advertising industry and use the talents that God gave me to make other people glorious sums of money. So in preparation for that day I thought I’d do a little pro-bono work for the brands that could obviously use my help. Because I’m charitable like that!

 

I found this kiosk in Stanstead airport outside of London. Apparently, and very surprisingly they are all over the UK.

 

 Lovejuice

 

What marketing geniuses came up with this one? I don’t care what culture or generation they came from; they didn’t get the tiniest gut reaction that maybe ‘Lovejuice’ isn’t the ideal name? Seriously? Or maybe they intended the absurdity, and just really knew their customers. Or that the shock value would eventually wear off and be hardly noticed anymore. Or maybe I am just really immature? Nah, it couldn’t be the latter.

 

Well, what’s done is done. We can only go up from here! So first, I thought of some slogans for this wonderful company. Not sure what may work best, so I’ll name a few.

  • I want your Lovejuice!
  • Lovejuice, it’s not just a snack anymore!
  • Ohh, you made me spill my Lovejuice!
  • You make my Lovejuice flow!
  • Come and get a Lovejuice mustache!
  • Got Lovejuice?
  • Need a boost? Lovejuice!
  • Lovejuice-the other, other white meat.
  • Lovejuice-just keep going
  • Lovejuice-don’t stop
  • Show someone you care, give them your Lovejuice!
  • How can you have any pudding, if you don’t drink your Lovejuice?
  • Lovejuice- We got the goods, and we are at your service! 
  • I’m bursting with Lovejuice!

 

I’ve edited that down from hundreds to just those 14. I’ve also impressed myself by showing incredible creative restraint, although, I am still sweating and shaking from the effort.

 

I’ve also taken the liberty of writing a short commercial which can be adapted to a 30 or 60 second runtime.

Announcer, “For centuries man has been searching for euphoria,…”-cut to clips of addicts getting high.

for enlightenment,…….”-show clips of meditating monks, old religious movie scenes, and a star trek convention.

for any reprieve, any relief from the stresses of our daily lives,….”-show clips of people smoking, drinking, turtle sex, random animal sex. etc..

Announcer again,  “and juice!”

Then cut to woman struggling with a juicer, show a blender mishap with juice shooting all over the kitchen.

-Cut to Lovejuice kiosk.  Announcer again, “We here at Lovejuice have found utopia; the secret formula to achieve all of these lofty pursuits!…”

-Zoom in on a happy couple sitting, sipping Lovejuice. Man says to woman, “You ah.. got a little um….” he discreetly points to lip. Woman seductively licks lips.

Announcer again, “Lovejuice, oh yea, we went there!”

I hope they like it!!

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June 26, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , ,

20 Comments »

  1. Brilliant!

    I’m in hysterics. I hear they are selling Love Juice at TGIF. In fact there is a splinter franchise in the works.

    TGILJ

    But if they are all over the place then there really must be a market for love juice drinkers… Makes me wonder about flavours…

    Banana O’rama
    Orange You Horny
    Peachy Sweet Secretions
    Love Apples
    Grape Ball of Jism Shots

    Comment by alantru | June 26, 2009 | Reply

    • Alantru, I knew I could count on you to take this to the next level! Some celebrity endorsed ideas…
      The Fiona Apple…juice
      The G-unit-G-spot
      The Pussycat Daiquiri
      The Brad SPitt don’t swallow
      The Nicole Kidman-Strawberry Fields
      The Miley Cryrus Virus
      The Have a spoon of Witherspoon

      I would love a TGILJ so much I’d buy the company!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 26, 2009 | Reply

      • And so you did!

        Comment by alantru | June 26, 2009 | Reply

  2. Grape Balls… Okay, that’s my word of the day. Have a Grape Balls day.

    Comment by alantru | June 26, 2009 | Reply

  3. P.S. Great stuff on the celeb endorsements!

    I’ll take a large Miley Cyrus Virus to go!

    😀

    Comment by alantru | June 26, 2009 | Reply

    • We don’t go by small, medium, and large for the MS Virus. Small is a ‘crab,’ medium is a ‘rash,’ and to paraphrase Eddie Murphy a large is ‘your dick may just fall off.’ So you would like a ‘your dick may just fall off’ to go?

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 27, 2009 | Reply

      • I’ve thought it over. What the hell. I’ll try anything once. It’ll grow back. Right?

        Comment by alantru | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  4. Lovejuice – One swallow at a time.

    Turtle sex? really? Okay, how do they keep the shells from getting in the way?

    Comment by Claire Collins | June 27, 2009 | Reply

    • Oh yea, really!

      I love your slogan! I may bring you in on this project!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 27, 2009 | Reply

  5. I don’t see what the hubbub is all about. Sounds delightful to me… love juice… it’s sweet and caring… it’s… Oh my god! I just got it… That’s disgusting! I’ll take a case.

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | June 27, 2009 | Reply

    • I’m thinking of marketing a new blend of Sheryl Crow and the Eagles. “The Avian Delight” Maybe you’d enjoy a case of that?
      I’ve already announced using you in the highly anticipated “The Cockfighter!”

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 27, 2009 | Reply

      • I’ll take two cases! That’s awesome! I’ve always wanted my head under the words “Cock Fighter”! I don’t even want compensation…

        Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | June 28, 2009 | Reply

  6. Love juice. The only way to go is DOWN!

    Love Juice is also a natural lubricant and it can even rival Jergens as far as making your skin silky smooth. So go ahead, rub a little love juice all over your body.

    Comment by candice | June 27, 2009 | Reply

    • Um.. could you say that a little slower? I may need your voice to help speed up the process with some of these drug addled celebrities. They keep passing out in what I like to call the flow room.
      You’re a genius! A whole new line of body lotions and ‘facials,’ Awesome! I could even branch out further; I wonder if Avon would pick up our new ‘pearl necklace’ collection?

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 27, 2009 | Reply

  7. Dr. Pecker is always a favorite.

    ManGo – a delicious blend of mango juice with a hint of penis.

    Comment by fundamentaljelly | June 27, 2009 | Reply

    • Perfect, Now you’re using your head! A hint of penis sounds just about right. I also forgot to mention my specialty multi-national selection.
      The Kuwaiti Kiwi
      The Irish Stew
      The Malta Milkshake
      The Belize Breeze
      The Columbian Snow
      The Mexican Pearls before Swine Flu
      The Panama Canal

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 27, 2009 | Reply

  8. Yeah, count me out. It reminds me of a time that a guy friend of mine told me he loved me…not in a gay way…but just, you know, “man love”. I was like, well all right, but let’s not refer to it as “man love” ever again.

    Comment by Shawn | June 27, 2009 | Reply

    • I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how a man professing his undying love to you should have any influence on whether you would like to try one of our deliciously salty and warm beverages. You may be having a ‘mis-association’ issue.

      Come and try our new Carrot top-Carrot juice, it’s double infused with pure protein! The first ones on the house!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 28, 2009 | Reply

  9. Alan- I’m going to need you to go ahead and sign this disclaimer agreement. No need to read the whole thing, ha ha, bunch of legal mumbo jumbo. Everything will be fine!

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 29, 2009 | Reply

  10. It’s comforting to know that you have your fingers on the pulse of culture, ready to apply CPR at a moments notice!

    Comment by Bill Reed | August 7, 2009 | Reply


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