Zodi’s Blog

The New Reality #4

As many of you know I’ve taken on a pet project to bring relevant, entertaining programming to everyone. Whether they want it or not. So my mind keeps churning out shitty ideas and throwing them at the big fans of the major studios hoping something will stick. You can find my best work at The New Reality #1 So anyway, my latest but probably not my greatest…… 

 

Spanish Mayors of the Alpujarras

 

Like the name suggests this would be a play on ‘Real Housewives of Orange County.’ Every week the mayors would get together at the local bar for some tapas and cervaza and discuss their reprehensible lives. Every season we would begin following them on election day. The elections are quite entertaining in their own right. While the national elections are extremely polite and civil, the local mayoral elections are a case study in Machiavellian technique crossed with American style barbarity.  

 

They set up beer/whiskey stands on opposite sides of the street, and proceed to get as many of the locals as shit-faced falling down drunk as possible, while still being able to walk in a voting booth. By 4pm things have progressed to the point of discordant schizophrenia. Which is my phrase of the week. Even while they are behind their respective bars on the street, they are calling each other ‘Cheney’s fucking monkey,’ dope smokers, gypsy lovers, and worst of all dirty capitalists. I’m really surprised that the ‘getting your electorate drunk’ thing hasn’t caught on in the states yet. It’s freaking awesome! Could you imagine the voter turnout if they did this in the US?

 

They make utterly outrageous commitments that could never possibly be kept. They promise everything and a gold plated kitchen sink. One year they promised the farmers an entire Euro increase per kilo on the sale of almonds. Something that they have no control over whatsoever.  The problem is that both sides are making all of these promises to men who are most likely in the middle of a blackout. So there can be no accountability, only more free alcohol. As soon as they announce the winner, both candidates ‘take back’ what they had said about one another and make nice. They do have public accounts to pilfer together after all.   

 

Once elected, the cameras would follow them everywhere. Through the back room deals with mining and real estate companies, to the scene of their hundred thousand dollar accepted bribes from developers. These guys make deals that would make Rob Blagojevich queasy and nervous. Once they get caught they’ll claim that it’s not their signature on the check that was deposited into their bank accounts. We’ll get to see them take their Russian mistresses to the Greek isles and buy them condos, all on the public dime. [It was funny that in 2004 one mayor agreed to a construction project allowing 14 luxury condos to be put up in the Costa Del Sol region, and as soon as they were completed and all the money changed hands, he literally had them bulldozed. He then of course, denied it was his signatures both on the form allowing construction and the order to demolish. He’s still in Prison.]  

 

Once the internal authorities start closing in we’ll give the mayors an opportunity to avoid living with 25% of their peers (seriously) in a Spanish federal prison. They would have to play a series of games to determine who’ll get to remain free to whet their beaks. I’m thinking ‘Survivor’ style games just for the sheer comedy of seeing 300lb; drinking, smoking, sleazy guys compete in anything athletically. Although something along the lines of ‘The Price is Right’ would also be appropriate. They could name how much of a bribe would be applicable to each scenario of corruption. Either way I believe this would make quite a compelling show.

 

 

Alcoholic Acrobats, Addicts that Win the Lottery, and Other Tales of Woe

 

I realize that the name is a bit long and will probably give TV Guide fits of anxiety, but what am I going to do? I think it all needs to be in there or people won’t know what they’re watching. If I shortened it, they might think they’re getting alcoholic acrobats and then the show is about an addict who won the lottery. Then their whole perception of the show is off kilter. Besides I think there is a certain ring to the long name.

 

This will be a weekly, one hour documentary devoted exclusively to tragic tales of incompatible situations. The series would begin with the heartbreaking tales of those legendary acrobats with Barnum and Bailey, back before they were an ‘animal friendly’ respectable enterprise. Back when they fed the midgets to the tigers for acting up. This begins back in the Circus Baron Days. [I’m using caps to show the gravity of the situation] B&B used to run their business with a ruthlessness that caused their competitors to fold like tents and their employees to drink like Mel Gibson when he gets irritated with the Jewish hierarchy in Hollywood.

 

It was a sad, volatile situation when B&B’s top 7 acrobats all became emotionally and physically dependent on the sauce. Without a drink they were shaking too badly to perform, but with a couple in them…..well bad things happened. After the first 4 deaths the situation finally came to a head when Cranjo and Maranjo both missed the always dangerous ‘double bar flip axle 12 twisty-turn.’ Back then they didn’t use sissy ass safety nets. There was nothing on the ground but broken glass and railroad spikes. It was after the double funeral that things slowly started to get better for the circus performers.

 

After the acrobats we would cover all of the junkies and crackheads who ever hit the lottery. We would delve deeply into the 5-9 days from the point they picked up their check to the time they were lowered into the ground. We’d interview all of their ‘friends’ and ‘relatives’ who had the time of their lives while the party lasted. We’d almost feel the euphoria of realizing that you’re never, ever going to run out of drugs. And the terrible heartbreak and despair of realizing that you’re never, ever going to run out of drugs. 

 

Lastly we’d find oddball cases like people with OCD whose compulsions lead them to lie down in traffic and count to 40. They’d obviously keep getting hit and run over, but as soon as they were released from the hospital, they’d be right back at it. They are called compulsions for a damned good reason after all. Because it’s compulsory for them. At least I think that’s why they call it that. I should really do more research before I start hair-brained shows. I’m sure that this series would last a good 4 or 5 months before the viewers became too depressed to even pick up the remote.

 

I hope you like my ideas. And as always, I’m wide open for suggestions! And possibly Dick Cheney.

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September 27, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

37 Comments »

  1. I would totally watch the alcoholic acrobats show. I think you’re on to something with that one! 😉

    Comment by candice | September 27, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks Candice, will you send a letter of recommendation to Fox? I figure that I have the best shot with them!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 28, 2009 | Reply

  2. lovin’ your phrase of the week, it may deserve a month

    both shows are outstanding
    I think the mayors show has a place on American TV as well, I live in a township and all kinds of wiseguys stuff goes on
    perhaps Micheal Moore will start his own channel – C-FUCK sounds good

    the 2nd show is wonderful!!! and even after it depresses the crap out of people it could morph into a TV show about people who don’t watch TV anymore
    there’s always an angle

    Comment by dianne | September 27, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks Dianne, I love my phrase of the week as well, I’ll consider extending its term. C-FUCK is maybe the best idea I’ve never had. I may have to borrow that one! Brilliant. Seriously!
      ‘People Who are Too Depressed to Turn on the Television Because they Watched Alcoholic Acrobats, Addicts that Win the Lottery, and Other Tales of Woe’ is the longest named, bestest idea yet!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 28, 2009 | Reply

  3. Oh sure drunk acrobats and alcohol pushing Mayoral candidates make for some fluff, but I would be much more intrigued by a documentary on the proposed almond subsidies that you mentioned. That’s heady stuff, my friend. Cheers!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | September 28, 2009 | Reply

    • Unfortunately Matt-Man, you are intelligent. That wouldn’t be a problem, but for the fact that you are such a miniscule minority that the shows you would watch would never get made. Or aired. We now live in ‘Idiocracy’ I think you may have noticed. Nobody including me can make a nationally televised show that 17 people would watch. If you don’t believe me, just look at how long ‘Ghost Whisperer’ has been on. I’d take a guess that the average IQ in the U.S. is hovering between 63-67. Thank god those people don’t read or I’d have a lynch mob at my door!
      Thanks Matt-Man!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 28, 2009 | Reply

  4. Dianne is right, Scott. “discordant schizophrenia” should be made into the phrase of the month. In fact, it should get it’s own street sign, it’s just that good.

    Speaking of good, these reality shows are stupendous. You make Mark Burnett seem like a has-been.

    Like the name suggests, the first one has the potential of going all the way. The lack of accountability and ‘take-backs’ alone is something the majority of the world’s drinking population could relate to. And personally, seeing 300 pound drinking, smoking, sleazy guys is something I do every day at work, so I know I would feel right at home watching it. It would be like “Cheers”, but obviously a lot more realistic (as if a bar would hire a waitress who looked like Rhea Perlman in real life)

    And the second one sounds like it has the potential to be “The Feel-Good Series of the Year” for people who get off on other people’s tales of woe. (It’s a demographic that hasn’t been broken into yet, and I think this might be the very thing to “break it”). Compelling indeed.

    The only suggestion I have is to perhaps bring Julie Chen into the mix? That woman is a real “Reality Show” ratings grabber! Obviously!

    Anyway, nice work Scott, I can’t wait to hear what the networks have to say…

    Comment by bschooled | September 28, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks B, I was thinking about renaming my blog ‘Zodi’s Musings and Incoherent, Possibly Intoxicated, Ramblings of Discordant Schizophrenia.’ I realize that the name is a bit long and will probably give people that feature me on their blogroll fits of anxiety, but I think it all needs to be in there. I mean what if people think they are getting musings and they come to find intoxicated ramblings?

      I think ‘Cheers’ is believable in having Rhea Perlman as a waitress; I’ve been in bars whose waitresses make her look totally hot. The part I found disingenuous about the show was that nobody ever got into fights. Nobody was selling/snorting blow in the bathrooms. Rhea Pearlman’s character did not have an opiate addiction. That just made it way too far-fetched.

      You know, I haven’t thought about the sadistic demographic. I’m going to have to put some serious thought in on this. I may be able to come up with a whole line-up to fill their viewing needs. Can’t forget about the poor masochists either can we? You’ve put me on another great idea!

      Julie Chen is a must! Did you watch BB U.S. this year? I’m only in the 6th week so don’t tell me who won. I just saw Jesse leave, and I smiled. I hope Jeff wins. But don’t tell me.

      Great comment once again B; you are the best!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 28, 2009 | Reply

      • Scott,

        I agree, your blog name has to be honest….and real. Like mine for instance. No one could ever say, “Hey Bschooled, what you just said there wasn’t really convo, you know. It was something totally different…you are a liar! And I hate you! A lot!”

        Well, I guess they could say that, but then I might think that was their problem, because really, who’s to say what’s convo and what’s not? And I can’t help it if my parents decided to name me after some foreign person they used to know either. But that’s neither here nor there…

        Maybe you should do the acronym thing….”ZMAIPIRODS”, or, if you are one of those “avant garde” acronymers, try “ZMIPIRDS” (thereby leaving out the connecting words).

        Just don’t ask me how to pronounce it! HA!!!

        !!!
        !
        ?

        Anyway, I should probably go take my meds…I feel funny.

        Comment by bschooled | September 29, 2009 | Reply

        • The coolest thing about your blog is that you DO make convo! While I shove my observations and opinions down everybody’s throats like a fascist dictator, leaving little room for banter, you delicately place a thing of beauty up on a pedestal for the world to gaze at and eventually argue over. You are a genius in making convo. What foreigner that your parents didn’t know, did they name you after? Maybe I’ve heard of him? Or her?

          Since I’m a true reality addict, and have seen Project Runway, I’m proud and embarrassed to admit that I know what ‘avant garde’ means. I’ve decided that the term fits my entire personality perfectly. So yes, I’ll proudly go with ZMIPIRDS! Although it sounds like something a salirophiliac would get into. I don’t particularly want to attract those people so maybe I better think about this a little more.

          Thanks B, you’ve given me a lot more to think about, as always!!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 29, 2009 | Reply

  5. ‘Tales of Woe’ week one – a man eats chicken and pasta until he explodes because he’s tortured on whether or not to leave paradise for peanut butter.

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | September 28, 2009 | Reply

    • That was Hilarious Rooster, great comment! I couldn’t eat pasta until I exploded because I only eat vegetable pasta. So while my intestines would be all aquiver, I couldn’t actually explode. My rectum would feel like it was exploding, but I’d be fine.- That may have been a classic case of TMI.

      Although this comes close, I’d say Costa Rica is the closest I’ve seen to paradise.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 28, 2009 | Reply

      • Is there peanut butter is Costa Rica?

        Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | October 5, 2009 | Reply

        • Why yes, yes there is. Jif too!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 5, 2009 | Reply

          • Sounds like the PB Costa Rica train is your ticket.

            Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | October 12, 2009 | Reply

          • If it were up to me entirely, I’d spend my time divided between, Spain, Costa Rica, New Zealand, Italy, and Afghanistan for re-ups!

            Thanks Rooster!!

            Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 12, 2009 | Reply

  6. Those shows both sound awesome. I would watch them. I think maybe you should be named President of one of the major networks. Possibly two of them. Then you can replace all of the medical dramas with your quality programming. It would be a ratings bonanza!

    Comment by Jay | September 28, 2009 | Reply

    • Maybe you should come to court with me to help get the restraining orders lifted. I keep telling the networks that I’m only trying to help!
      You should really read #1, it was the best. Some of those shows would honestly be the top rated on tv.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 28, 2009 | Reply

  7. Both shows sound amazing, but you may pick up more of a US viewership if you added prescription drugs into the mix.

    you know, something they can easily relate to.

    sorry my blog keeps getting stuck in your reader, sometimes blogger goes batty. go figure.

    Comment by Candy | September 28, 2009 | Reply

    • I’ll definitely add prescription drugs. Half of the country is addicted to opiates now. They don’t give you anything for minor pain here except ibuprofen. They don’t even have percs and vics. It goes all the way from ibuprofen to morphine. So you’re not getting anything for middle of the road pain. Which is probably a good thing. Even though I admit that I loved when they gave me percs for wisdom teeth. I can see why people get addicted. Anyway, the pharmaceutical companies are all getting rich off of the blood and lives of the U.S. citizen. It’s really sad. I did love when Limbaugh got shown for the hypocrite that he is though!

      I’m not sure what it is with blogger, I have a few problems with other people’s blogs as well. Come on over to the WordPress dark side!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 28, 2009 | Reply

  8. Huge fan of alcholic acrobats…i would TIVO that……although PAPA Walenda is prolly turning over in his grave….but that is a winner…have to have to add the fights that break out when they fall of the high wire…..zman sends

    Comment by zmanowner | September 28, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks Z-Man! If you would TIVO it then I’ll do my damndest to get it on! Since the acrobats would already be dead, maybe I could interest you in some clown on clown violence?

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 29, 2009 | Reply

  9. From: Big Shot Broadcaster Guy and his Lackeys
    To: Writer who will do as we demand
    Subject: Your reality pitches

    We have approved “Spanish Mayors of the Alpujarras” and have given it the green light.

    Congratulations! A bucket of money is on its way over. All we require in return is your soul, dignity and all your free time.

    We really love The Spanish Mayors of the Alpujarras and are excited by its possibilities. We do, however, have notes. Please make the following changes…

    Change the title from “Spanish Mayors of the Alpujarras” to something more provocative and less Spanish. The concern here is that the title limits our audience demographic.

    We recommend using the words “Adventures” “Zany” “Zombies” “Vampires” “Zombies” “Poohbar the Talking Egg” and “Slippery” “Cherry Rose” in the title. *

    * Please note that all recommendations are, in fact, orders.

    Please change the elevator pitch from “Real Housewives of Orange County” to “it’s Punky Brewster meets Law and Order”

    Lose all references to tapas and cervaza and replace with cookies and milk. Only veil these reference so we know what you’re talking about even though you’re not saying it.

    Change Spain location to a roadhouse in Alabama. (Possibly Albania.)

    Lose “election” theme and all reference to American barbarity. As the show now stars a 12 year old Albanian/Alabamian girl (named Cherry Rose) and her loveable talking egg, Poohbar, we will require more “family friendly” themes.

    Lost the whole “reality” concept. No one wants reality anymore. It’s too depressing. Even while we were making the stuff, we had no real grasp of it. It’s better this way.

    To review. We now have a 22 minute sitcom (working title: The Adventures of Slippery Cherry Rose and Poohbar The Talking Egg”). Family viewing dramadey. Think heart warming.

    Lose all cynical comments and all the other great stuff you’ve included. Replace with a deaf aunt. (Working name for aunt – Tilda.)

    Set each episode up with some sort off Cherry/Egg conflict. Include 264 egg puns and 132 cherry puns in each episode.

    Please deliver an outline, 12 episode springboards with beat sheets and first drafts, within the next hour.

    Welcome aboard. We’re looking forward to seeing what you have for us, Scott. We will review “Alcoholic Acrobats, Addicts that Win the Lottery, and Other Tales of Woe” shortly and give you our thoughts. We’re thinking animation for kids 2 – 6. A tough demographic but one that has much merch payoff potential.

    Best,

    Your friends at the studio

    Comment by alantru | September 29, 2009 | Reply

    • Dear (oh dear) Mr. Big Shot Producer Guy,

      While I have no personal integrity whatsoever, I do possess a modicum of artistic integrity. While I do love some of your changes, others are simply impossible to implement and still hold to the character of the show. Besides, you said that the money was on its way. I’ll blow (snort and drink) my way through that cash before you can say, “Hurry, call our bank and cancel that check.” I’m really efficient at quickly decimating piles of cash. Also, I’ve retained Johnny Cochran to represent me should you choose to sue. Maybe you’ve heard of him? I have The Reverend Sharpton coming in to give a speech as well. He’s going to ask what the networks have against the Spanish minority and why whitey keeps trying to whiten everything up.

      I am not however a total assclown/hat/hole and am willing to make a few concessions. I am willing to change the title to ‘Spanish Zombie Mayors of the Slippery Alpujarras.’

      I am willing to change the elevator pitch to ‘Punky Brewster meets Law and Order.’ I just loved that Punky. I was 9 years old in 1984 and was infatuated, ok, in love with her. In a totally non-sexual way of course. I was 9 for Christ’s sake. Also I love the Dum Dum Dah that’s used when Law and Order changes scenes. So I’m down with all of that.

      The only other change that I’m willing to make is the addition of the deaf aunt. Except since we are in SPAIN, her name will be Maria. And instead of deaf, she’ll be retarded. I just love retards. I really do. And look at how well Corky worked out for you guys!

      I just got word that my guy inside the post-office has received your check. Why didn’t you send it registered? I have a guy inside the bank who is going to cash it for me whether it’s canceled or not (for a 10% cut. That’s how I roll. I am half Italian after all. What did you think was going to happen?) So you might as well just work with me here. By the way, you call $245.95 a bucket of money? WTF? I want at least Charlie Parsons kind of money.

      You guys don’t want to be called racists and linked with the lunatic right-wing fringe do you?

      Sincerely,
      Writer who Has Taken a Stand

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 30, 2009 | Reply

      • From: Big Shot Producer Guy and his horde of evil minions
        To: Defiant scribbler
        Subject: Your ass, a sling, the connection

        Dear Writer,

        We admire the courage of your convictions. We just don’t understand it. And we certainly won’t tolerate it. In fact we have notes about it. But since it seems glaringly apparent you choose to ignore the notes from the mountain, we have decided to use other means of persuasion. Please send back the bucket of money. Plus another bucket for the inconvenience you have caused us. And one more for our hurt feelings.

        We have contacted Sharpton. He suggests you settle. Instantly. We agree.

        However, we’d like to try and make nice. Make our changes. Deliver the scripts and we’ll not only send over another bucket of money, but a crate of champagne and Punky Brewster. We own her ass. You can too.

        Your concerned and litigious friends (for now) at the studio.

        Comment by alantru | September 30, 2009 | Reply

        • To: Big Shot Producer Guy
          From: Writer who has taken a Stand

          You don’t have to be afraid of what you can’t understand. Trust me, I’ve learned from hard experience. I was afraid of advanced quantum theory for the longest time, but now I’m completely at peace with it. The trick is acceptance of the things you thought you couldn’t tolerate. Unfortunately, the bucket of money is gone, all $245. I still have the .95 but I plan to treat the GL to a box of wine later today, so that’s as good as gone as well.

          I’m now in a mood to settle, seeing as how you threw Punky into the mix (and I’m out of money). But I want just a little more. I want Punky, I want a case of champagne, I want an 8-ball of blow a week (every Friday night), a driver, 12 beers a day, an ‘assistant’ to make sure that I only drink 12 beers a day (and only do the blow on Fridays), a six-week cycle of steroids, and a personal trainer. I’m trying to get healthy you know!

          If you agree to my minor concessions then you will get everything that you want out of me and more!

          Sincerely,
          Writer who is willing to cave.
          PS: Could you tell your horde of evil minions (specifically Bill) to suck it?

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 1, 2009 | Reply

          • From: Big Shot Producer and his crew of evil monkeys
            To: Writer who is up for some sweet Punky
            Subject: Our patience, your ongoing demands, David Mamet

            Dear Scott,

            Fear of what we don’t understand is what has made up all powerful. We have reviewed your latest offer and are reluctantly willing to accept. We were just about to begin talks with David Mamet about having him write the beat sheets, overviews, show bible and episodes of “The Adventures of Slippery Cherry and Poohbar The Talking Egg” but we’re thrilled to leave him hanging.

            We’re pleased to have you back on board. Start spinning family entertainment gold for us.

            Signed,

            Your good friends at the studio.

            PS. The Minions have been destroyed… I mean, fired, and replaced with evil monkeys. I’m personally looking forward to working with the monkeys; they are everything a Hollywood producer needs to be… Dependable, obsequious, sleazy, evil, and easily expendable. (Plus, in some countries you can eat their brains!!!)

            Comment by alantru | October 1, 2009 | Reply

          • To: Big Shot Producer Guy
            From: Writer who is now your bitch

            I’m so incredibly happy and relieved that you have agreed to my humble requests. Working together we are going to make a positive difference in the world. I will use retarded Maria to showcase the good in mankind. I’m so excited to be working with the likes of Daivd Mamet as well. Glengarry Glen Ross was just so …???with it?

            I can tell you that myself and the other two Fates, Lachesis, and Atropos are spinning yarns of gold as we speak. –Sorry, that was what we call writer humor.

            Lastly you’ve really made my day by destroying the evil minions and hiring the evil monkeys. I just love monkeys. I almost love them as much as I love retards, and I really do love me some retards. I seem to get along with all primates so I’m sure that this will be a pleasant experience had by all!

            Your faithful bitch,
            Scott.

            PS: Tomorrow is Friday; I hope my blow is on its way.

            Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 1, 2009 | Reply

          • From: Big Shot Producer and his crew of evil monkeys
            To: Our Loyal Writer Friend Who Means The World To Us
            Subject: Deliverable Treats

            Dearest Scott,

            We are all relieved. But for the record, the Fates are not on our payroll, so any work (we suggest uncredited) they produce will have to come out of your pocket. Sorry, but we like to routinely cry poor.

            Good news on the blow. The evil monkeys have been swallowing condoms full of the stuff and are at the airport and soon to be on their way to deliver the goods. In all likelihood one or two will die from condoms that burst in their stomachs. But these are the sacrifices they are willing to make for their art.

            Enjoy!

            Your best friends in the world from the studio

            Comment by alantru | October 1, 2009 | Reply

          • Awesome, I figure that we can now skip the formal letter heads in favor of a more casual approach. Now that we’re bosom buddies and all.

            I can’t wait to see the surviving monkeys! It’s sad, but in the grand scheme of things, what are a couple dead monkeys? Haha, those Spanish customs officials are sure going to be up in umbrage over the dead monkeys though. Maybe I should have told you to fly into Gibraltar, instead. They’re probably more used to that sort of thing. And I have ‘people’ within the policia, which is always a plus.

            I’m so happy to be working with people who get things done!
            Scott

            Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  10. I would only watch it if the alcoholic acrobats also won the lottery and then took their Russian mistresses to the Greek Islands

    Comment by nursemyra | September 29, 2009 | Reply

    • Ok, Nursemyra, I’ll make that part up find alcoholic acrobats who also won the lottery and then took their Russian mistresses to the Greek Isles. I can be very accomodating.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 30, 2009 | Reply

  11. I love how your mind works….very funny kiddo!
    I’ve missed you!
    Hugs

    Comment by Vicki | September 30, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks Vicki, I love how my mind works too, usually. I’ve missed you too. You should visit more often, then you won’t have to miss me at all!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  12. I think you’ve hit TV gold with the mayoral bribe-a-thon. I’ve always felt that if they were just more upfront about the fucking, I would like politicians more. All these backroom dealings turn me off.

    Tell me you’re for sale so I can still respect your enthusiasm in the morning. Don’t pretend to be a better person than your electorate. Let them know that you’re doing the same things any sane person with legislative powers and a long string of syncophants would be doing in their place.

    All of this discussion of drinking, bribery and unintelligible accents brought back memories of JFK’s election. God bless Joe Kennedy and his mob connections. Shame about Robert though. He was always somewhat of a goody-two shoes go-getter.

    Excellent piece, Scott. You truly are a man among Spaniards. Just keep an eye out for the six-fingered man. Unless it’s you. Then… uh… keep an eye out… but the other… way…

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | October 3, 2009 | Reply

    • I agree CLT. Just once I’d love to hear a politician admit to fucking anything with a pulse. Some backroom dealings do turn me on however; there was the one guy who sold me Viagra at a strip club. Hurry, say priapism three times quick.

      The hypocrisy is maddening. Even more that the man-whore politicians like the Eliot Spitzer’s and the Mark Sanford’s I love when it’s a Son of God, who is a closeted gay, meth-addict, who preaches like hell-fire about the gayness and about the drugs. See if you can guess who I mean. It’s even funnier the way the ‘flock’ instantly forgives their past transgressions.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 3, 2009 | Reply

  13. […] Now that we’ve totally caught up with Lost, Mad Men, Survivor, 30 Rock and The Office, I thought I’d look for something new to numb my brain for an hour or two every night. So I went back to Pirate Bay, clicked on TV Shows and then Show All Series. What came up surpised even me and I’m the creator of such quality programming as Amserdam After Dark, Animals Relations with Dr. Drew and Alcoholic Acrobats. […]

    Pingback by Is This Really On? « Zodi’s Blog | February 19, 2010 | Reply


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