Zodi’s Blog

Dumb, Dumber, Dead!

Allowing stupid people to die of natural causes

                                                                                                                                                      Darwin

For years I’ve been wondering why so many Americans have been arguing against evolution. I’ve finally come to a conclusion. It’s not the fault of the pandering, poser politicians. It’s not the fault of the quirky homeschooling parents who teach their children valuable social skills and life lessons which can only be learned at the kitchen table. It’s not even the fault of the televangelists who scream that if you believe in evolution, you can’t believe in God. No, the fault lies squarely on the shoulders of the trial lawyers who, because of winning frivolous lawsuit after frivolous lawsuit have circumnavigated Darwin’s theories. I’m not getting into the adaptation of species here, only re-making the point ‘only the strong shall survive.’ The natural order of things has been completely disrupted by the protection of the stupid by society as the direct result of the fear of lawsuits. Naturally people don’t believe in things that they see no evidence to support.  

As a result of this conclusion there is only one action that I can take. I’ve decided to put the world on my shoulders (once again) and become a superhero in my spare time. My alter ego’s name shall be DP Man. No, not double penetration either; I’m decidedly anti-fetish just lately. DP Man is short for Darwin’s Protector…..um…Man. I will gallantly serve mankind to ensure that the natural laws that he worked so diligently to recognize and explain are justly upheld. No more shall we wave the middle finger at common sense. It will be my duty and my passion to make certain that stupid people are no longer stolen from the clutching hands of fate. I’ve already made the costume and everything. Think red g-string over blue nylon. It suits me.  

From now on when I see a situation that goes against the very nature of natural selection, I’ll be there in a flash. A flash being as long as it takes me to pack, drive, catch a flight, rent a car, find a decent hotel, and eat an adequate dinner. Then after a short nap, I’ll really be there in a flash.

My plan is to go after the warning labels first. This idea first started last week as I was changing my sheets. I saw a tag on my mattress which stated (in Spanish) ‘Care should be used when smoking on this mattress or if the mattress is near a livened flame.’ As you can tell my Spanish really sucks, but I got the gist of it. I then looked around the house and found these tags under the couch and almost every chair. This got me to thinking that if people want to smoke while drifting off to sleep, or if they want to hold a flame under an upholstered couch to ‘see what happens,’ then who are we to stop them? So I will sneak into every home and remove these tags, thereby removing a few people from a gene pool that they have no right to contaminate.

Next I’ll go around with a gigantic bottle of whiteout to eradicate the warnings that coffee is indeed hot. If a beverage is served to you shooting steam out of the little sippy hole and you feel like you need a wake up, and so proceed to pour it over your head, then that’s all good. There will be much less chance of you mating, and subsequently procreating with third degree burns all over your face. I would proceed to rat poison. The rat poison manufacturer is making the assumption that the purchaser of their product can read. So they print the warning, “Do Not Eat.” I mean, if they can read, then they’ve already read the words Rat Poison on the label. If they have to then be told not to eat the Rat Poison, then they should die. WIN! I’ll then hit all the rest of the warning labels, from the top steps of ladders, to lighter fluid and household cleaners (but I’ll leave the Mr. Yuck stickers on for the tots.) The only thing I’m unsure about is the 5 gallon bucket and plastic bag warnings. I mean, if you allow your child to play with a half filled 5 gallon bucket; or as a matter of fact, if you have a random, half filled 5 gallon bucket in your home, should you really be having children?

DP Man would then knock out the PA systems in subway and train stations which warn everyone to ‘mind the gap’ and to ‘step away from moving vehicles.’ If that isn’t a natural instinct for you, then just do what feels right. DP Man would fight to make drugs legal, as well as free, and everyone would only get one shot at rehab. After that, we’d let nature take its course. If people knew that going in, they’d have a whole new perspective on ‘getting clean.’

                                                                                                                                                                       obesity

                                                                                                                                                        

Obesity warnings, stop-smoking campaigns, and the ever popular “It Might Not Be a Good Idea to use Your Barbeque Grill Indoors Just Because It Got Really Windy Awareness Week” would all fall by the wayside.   

I’d leave most of the prescription drug warnings though. How else would I ever know not to handle that pill if I am, or may become pregnant? Or how would I know not to operate heavy machinery after taking an Oxy-Contin 80 and a Xanex? Just because I can’t get up off the floor doesn’t always mean that I can’t drive. So the prescription warnings will stay put.

I predict that it’ll take between 2 and 3 generations for nature to balance itself back out. In the interim I will do society yet another favor and add instructions for the anti-Mensas who haven’t yet been weeded out. I’ll add instructions to every pick and shovel purchased by every highway dept. on the planet. This will enable them all to do something besides leaning on them. I’ll add a quick note that it is possible for more than one person to work at the same time without disrupting the space-time continuum.

I would place a disclaimer at the beginning and end of every radio and TV show hosted by the lunatic fringe of the right and left, explaining that their beloved hosts are in fact entertainers whose salaries depend on ratings. I’d explain that they garner these ratings by making their audience’s frightened and angry. I’d go on to clarify that no one is trying to indoctrinate their children into anything, unless maybe they are the ones doing the indoctrinating. Well, possibly a rogue bible camp or two as well. Everyday I’d teach them the real meaning of a different word that they have been accustomed to tossing about so freely.

                                                                                                                                                         Becksy

 

Lastly, I would place instructions on the dashboard of every vehicle, telling the driver to pull over if the car begins to break down, and not just let it slow to a crawl until it eventually dies in the passing lane.

Please let me know if I missed anything that is close to your own heart, and DP Man will try to get on it. But I can’t be everywhere at once, so any help on your part would be greatly appreciated. I’m not arguing that Darwin was 100 percent correct on all of his theories, not at all. I’m only arguing that we should let the really stupid people die in really stupid, but hilariously entertaining ways. Remember, this is for our children’s children.

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October 1, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

43 Comments »

  1. I’m all for it and thank you for stepping up to the plate to become DP Man. You/he is much needed. We are awash in stupidness. (if that is a real word)

    Comment by David | October 1, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks David, I often do step up to the plate. I’d much rather go down swinging than stay on the bench. I do love sports analogies as well, apparently.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  2. BWAHAHAHAAHA!!! You are a genius.

    DP Man’s time has come.

    Please ask him to youtube the stupid people dying in hilariously but entertaining ways….for the greater good of society and all.

    Comment by Candy | October 1, 2009 | Reply

    • I’ve been called a genius before (always without merit) but usually with nefarious, or evil in front of it. This is my first solo genius, and I do appreciate it. You have now given me another genius idea as well! I could tape everything and put it all up on youtube making us all rich! Wait, shit….how can we get rich off of this? Once I figure that one out, I’ll really be a genius!

      Thanks Candy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 1, 2009 | Reply

      • You videotape them all.
        You post them on youtube.
        You leave off the “don’t try this at home” warning label.
        In it’s place, you put a PO box and tell them to send $30 to the address via cashiers check or money order to you and you will send them instructions on how to receate the scene in their own home.

        That’s how you make money off of the idiots who manage to survive the first round of redarwining society.

        Comment by Claire Collins | October 3, 2009 | Reply

        • Claire, this not only makes sense, it makes Dollars, Euros, Yen, and Deutschmarks! What an incredible idea. I’m glad that one of us has some business savvy.

          I could even write an e-book on how to go about performing the stunts. They’re the latest rage I hear. I love the phrase that you’ve just coined as well….redarwining. We will be winning indeed!

          Thanks Claire, I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to come and visit!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 3, 2009 | Reply

          • Thanks for finding me. I was worried I’d be lost forever out in the real world.

            Comment by Claire Collins | October 4, 2009 | Reply

        • No problem Claire, it’s what friends are for. Great to see you again!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 4, 2009 | Reply

  3. Please take the warning stickers off of lawnmowers. I personally believe that if you are too stupid to place your hand near a moving sharp blade, then you sure as hell deserve to have that biotch chopped off.

    The world NEEDS more amputees, in my opinion.

    Comment by Candice | October 1, 2009 | Reply

    • You’re completely right; I don’t know how I missed that one. And if people will be stupid enough to do that, then we could place a tiny sticker on the underside suggesting that the lawnmower is in fact capable of dishing out free haircuts.

      Thanks Candice!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 2, 2009 | Reply

  4. Scott/Darwin’s Protector…..um…Man,

    I just have a few short questions I need to ask before I respond to this exceptional, thought-provoking post…

    1)What do the words circumnavigated, double-penetration, indoctrinated, indoctrinating and rogue mean?

    2)Be honest here…is there really such thing as “anti-fetish”?

    3)Who doesn’t look good in red G-string over blue nylon? (this one is rhetorical)

    4)Who will be compensating your for travel time/expenses/material for your costume?

    5)Where do you get your gigantic bottles of white-out?

    6)Why would anyone mind the gap? It’s not like it isn’t there for good reason(I have no idea what that reason is, mind you, but still). Like I always say, “if you don’t like it, don’t look at it!”

    Ok, to be completely honest I don’t say that all the time, but I did say it while I was preparing my lunch in the kitchen at work last week. (Seriously, you’d think my co-workers had never seen someone be-head a live chicken before…)

    Anyway, if you could get back to me Darwin’s Protector…um…Man, I would really appreciate it. Once I know the answers to these questions, my thoughts can commence the provocation process and I be stupefied by your genius accordingly.

    Comment by bschooled | October 1, 2009 | Reply

    • Dearest B,

      I’m sorry that I took so long to get back to you. I literally have this Big Shot Producer Guy breathing down my neck. And if you’re a connoisseur of verbosity then you know that means that I had a TV exec standing behind me all night, humidifying my neck and upper back with his Altoids minted breath, occasionally spraying me with angry spittle when he became irate. Let me tell you, ‘the biz’ is a real bitch. I’ll now answer your questions to the best of my ability so that I can (hopefully) garner your support for DP Man.

      1) Circumnavigated means to go around the whole globe twice in a hot air balloon. Double-penetration is when a couple has sex twice in the same week. Indoctrinating means when a doctor makes a big boo-boo (a pun, HA) and is then not allowed to be a doctor anymore. And Rogue is that stuff girls put on their faces to make it look like they’re blushing. Also known as blush.
      2) Yes, yes there is. After reading up on andromimetophilia all the way to zoosadism, I am the poster boy for anti-fetish. Maybe you’ve heard of me?
      3) You’re right that is a rhetorical question.
      4) I plan on writing a book which will be turned into a movie about my adventures, making me middle class beyond my wildest dreams. I have little doubt that the God Damned studio people will want to turn it into a romantic comedy about a high school baseball coach and his pet dachshund who finally find love in a deaf and dumb divorced soccer mom with HIV.
      5) At Super Wal-Mart silly.
      6) I’m not really sure why it bothers them so much. Especially in London, they get everybody all riled up about it every 35 seconds. I don’t know why they promote hate; I always thought that it was a very tolerant city???

      I can’t wait for your thoughts to commence, and you to support me. Please?

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 2, 2009 | Reply

      • Thank-you Scott. Don’t worry about the late response,I’ve dealt with that Big Shot Producer Guy myself, and trust me, it wasn’t fun.

        The guy wanted me to rework stuff I hadn’t even created yet, and he’d say things like “I want it back on my desk 15 years ago!” Heck, I didn’t even have a computer 15 years ago! Did we even have email 15 years ago? (rhetorical question).

        You gotta admire his sticktoittiveness, though.

        Now where was I? Oh right, the questions…well, unfortunately your answers have left me with even more questions than I had to begin with. So therefore, instead of bothering you with my questions about the answers to my questions, I thought I would just head over to Wikipedia and spend my day Wikipedia’ing. (To be honest I was going to do that anyway, it kills the time at work).

        All I can really say right now is that I support you 110% (I borrowed 10% from an apathetic friend who said she wouldn’t be using it anytime soon).

        Good job, Scott. You are the change intelligent people want to see in the world…

        Comment by bschooled | October 2, 2009 | Reply

        • BSPG was a huge asshole, but I got some measure of revenge. I slipped a mickey in his fucking Starbucks, and had the CAGL lie down beside him before he finally came to in the morning. I’ve never seen a grown man cry so much, or scream so loud. He’s now at the local clinic ‘getting everything checked out.’ I should have told him it was just a joke, but the peace and quiet is just so nice.

          I’m happy to hear that I have all of your support, and more. For some reason that reminds me of a Bartles and James commercial from the 90’s. I seem to remember commercials, if nothing else from those years. It’s what I do. I hope you have fun over at Wiki today, they seemed like they were in a great mood when I stopped by earlier. I guess the Friday two hour liquid lunch gets them pretty festive!

          Thanks B!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 2, 2009 | Reply

        • Mind if I cut in? (Rhetorical.)

          It occurs to me while enjoying this witty round of banter that the only thing “sticktoittiveness” is good for is garnering the admiration of others.

          As you were.

          Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | October 3, 2009 | Reply

          • You have a valid point CLT. Unless you’re wearing a velcro zipper maybe. Oh, also those little tiny memo pads that you can stick on the fridge to remind you to pick up some Xanax. Those are good too.

            Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 3, 2009 | Reply

  5. Its all too much for me. Im still trying to figure out Lady Gaga.

    Comment by A.Sinclair | October 1, 2009 | Reply

    • You and me both!

      Thanks A.Sinclair!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 12, 2009 | Reply

  6. The world desperately needs DP Man! This is brilliant!

    Candice has a great rack .. uh, point about lawnmowers. Add snow blowers to that list too. I mean really, if someone looks down there and sees these metal blades swirling at the speed of light and says “I think I’ll reach down in there and pull the morning paper out before it gets chopped to pieces” then they pretty much deserve to lose an arm. Or just die.

    I would also remove the signs on lakes in Florida warning people that there are gators in the water. It’s Florida. Of course there are lakes in those waters.

    Comment by Jay | October 1, 2009 | Reply

    • You’re right; Candice really is just the bee’s knees as my nana used to say. I guess it would depend on the paper though right? I mean USA today, who would risk a limb? But Sunday NY Times; I don’t know, that’s a tough one.

      I lived on St. Pete Beach in Florida for 5 years. Every other week, you’d hear about some idiot tourist who got their poor, innocent little dogs eaten because they were walking them on the edge of a God damned lake. Thank God that there weren’t really any gators on our beach or our little dachshund might have been among the casualties.

      Thanks Jay!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 2, 2009 | Reply

  7. In my feeble attempt to avoid taking any science and/or math classes in college, I found myself in a Cosmos class. It was in a very lovely at not at all 5th grade production of said Cosmos by a on Mr. Carl Sagan where I learned that we humans are more closely related to trees than we are to monkeys. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. Hey… don’t monkeys hang out in trees? There’s got to be some kind of connection there.

    I can tell you how I feel about Glen Beck, though… AUGH!!! Rips hair out, sobs uncontrollably (and not in a good way, like when a 13 year-old goes to boy band concerts). There is also is gnashing of the teeth and renting of the clothes. I think my head spun around a few times, too.

    Comment by Pammy Girl | October 2, 2009 | Reply

    • I always loved science and hated math. Goes to figure that the one thing that’ll get you rich, and I hate it. I love Carl Sagan, you’re so lucky! That’s the first I’ve heard of us being more closely related to trees though. It sounds good to me, just another excuse to be lazy. I do feel kind of weird living in Spain and not having any roots though.

      The Beckster tends to bring out a biblical response in everyone. The last time I inadvertently saw him pop up on TV, there was also much gnashing of the teeth, and rending of the sackcloth. I also covered my head in ash and fasted for 3 days. That seemed to do the trick! It’s funny with him; I really can’t tell if its shtick or he’s really that much of a lunatic. I can see right through Hannity and Limbaugh, but Beck keeps me guessing.

      Thanks for the comment Pammy!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 2, 2009 | Reply

  8. This is great Scott, I mean, DP Man!

    (Oh, and bschooled, the studio is wondering where those scripts are…)

    I think you need to draft up a 25 page show bible and start shopping it. I have one suggestion. I think DP Man should have a wacky and zany sidekick. Let’s call him, HMS Beagle Boy! He’s DP Man’s eyes… The metaphoric ship that leads DP Man to each week’s new adventure.

    I’d also like to suggest casting me as Beagle Boy. I think I’ve got the look down pretty close and I was once an extra on Punky Brewster. Let’s meet for cocaine and coffee and talk more.

    Comment by alantru | October 3, 2009 | Reply

    • I’ll start work on the show bible immediately. My aim is to make it at least entertaining as the other Bible. I’m completely down like the Insane Clown Posse for adding the Beagle Boy. Could you please clarify the meaning of HMS? Sorry if it’s obvious, I may have missed it because of those fucking monkeys and their ‘product.’ I was up all night playing Sister Christian on an endless loop. There was also this Asian, pool boy type character that kept setting off firecrackers every 10 seconds. It was really bad on my already frayed nerves. Then three porn actors showed up and ……….wait, I’m not sure if this really happened to me or not??? I hate when this happens.

      If you want Beagle Boy part, it’s all yours. Besides Punky said she misses you and your long canine tongue. I try not to be a jealous man, but I am a little concerned. When we meet later you can have the cocaine and coffee, I need something to even me out, so I think I’ll opt for cocaine and heroin. My old friend Chris Farley highly recommended the combo. I wonder what ever happened to that fat bastard?

      Thanks Alan that was great!!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 3, 2009 | Reply

      • Cheers, Scott!

        Sounds like you had a fun night. Don’t forget to up the dead monkeys lying on the floor. If you leave them lying around they start to stink. I know this from bitter experience. Okay, I am going to start working on the Beagle Boy character. I love this little plucky, pernicious, persnickety, puerile and poised pooch – and the fact that he was named after Darwin’s ship should really drive in the atheist creationists – a tough demographic to reach and keep.

        Anyway, I’m gonna go method in my actorial studies. Total Stanislavski. I shall live with the dogs, laugh with the dogs, dance with the dogs, hump with the… I’ve said enough. Too much, really.

        I shall also soon be in Spain to partake in “The Running of the Dogs” It’s next month, yes?

        I’m looking forward to it.

        PS. A fun and handy dandy Farley tip. When mixing heroin and coke, top with occasional shots of whiskey. It takes the edge off.

        Comment by alantru | October 3, 2009 | Reply

        • Bollix, I completely flubbed that one. I should have known. The god damned boat. It must have been those firecrackers combined with all that blow. Plus with you being a dog and all,…. listen to me, I’m rambling. And making excuses. I do have a bit of an issue now though. I have a very deceased looking Asian, pool boy type guy lying on the floor next to two very deceased smelling monkeys. I’m not really sure what to do now. Does the studio have a ‘Wolf’ type guy I could call, like they did when Jules made Vincent accidentally shoot Marvin in the face? I kinda need a fixer…..type guy. Fuck, I’m coming down hard too.

          I know I’ve been on and on about the niche markets, but it sounds to me like you know your stuff. If we can get the atheist creationists they’ll be ours for life! We could sell coffee cups, hats, books, action figures, and t-shirts like…..

          Life is no accident……
          Because there is no God.

          Creation was created by nothing to express everything.

          The earth was created in six days,
          By Nobody!

          Actually that’s all I could come up with, and I gave myself a headache. You’re right, that’s one hell of a hard demographic.

          I always mix some alcohol in with my speedballs. For some reason though I keep waking up in the hospital. God damned Narcan.

          Remember, it’s great to go Total Stanislavski, but never, ever go Full Tard!

          Udacha, and Porashchanie!!! Or if you prefer… удача and прощание Haha, I couldn’t find ‘and.’

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 3, 2009 | Reply

  9. Kudos, Scott. Another great post.

    Just when I had myself talked into the notion that I was the ass-kickingest writer on the whole writers’ block, everyone’s has doubled their quality and quantity. (I’m looking at you, bschooled, Scott, TannerLeah). God forbid Alan ever comes back from his vacation. The only other thing I’ve got going for me is that Don “Puppy” Mills has a self-imposed one post per week limit.

    That being said (and having cast my net far and wide for compliments/dolphin-free tuna), I think you should reconsider the DP name. What with Beagle Boy on board (and making fabulous khakis), you’re sure to become what we in the business of short attention spans call an “instant classic.”

    You’ll run afoul of copyright laws and public indecency statutes in no time. I can see DP Man taking a break from 8 years of Bush with a hiatus to get his Dick Cheyneyed.

    The coke-fueled script practically writes itself. Let’s watch…

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | October 3, 2009 | Reply

    • I don’t think that I deserve to be mentioned in that group, but thanks for the compliment. While you are one of, if not the most ass-kickingest writers on the block [Note to self: start new boy band…AKWOTB] I can’t contend in that weight class. Sure I can dominate the light-heavyweight, but when I try to move up to heavyweight it reminds me of what happened to Michael Bisping against Dan Henderson. He got knocked the fuck out.

      I know how mean it sounds, but I really enjoy a little dolphin with my Tuna. It adds a certain ‘je ne sais quoi.’ It’s like when you mix a little giant panda in with your ground beef. Mmmm. They are all lovely species though, and I’d hate to see them die out just because they’re so damn tender.

      I’ve already run afoul of a public indecency statute once. We were at a small venue, outdoor concert for 5000 people, and they had 4 or 5 port-o-potties, and I had like 14 or 15 beers. One thing led to another and I got caught with my pants down (or at least my Cheney out) just when the cops were walking by. They didn’t arrest me, but it was a $250.00 fine. Do you believe that shit? I should have sued. Then they would have had to put warning labels on beer cans stating that ‘This product may cause an irresistible urge to urinate. Said urge could result in arrest or fine. Please use caution while using this product with a weak bladder.’ That would show em!

      This coke fueled script is going to blow your doors right off…………

      Thanks CLT, another great comment!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 3, 2009 | Reply

  10. I have long been an adherent to this same policy, although unlike you, I hold these feelings without the aid of a superhero costume which makes me look like Rip Taylor and/or Richard Simmons.

    You could do Darwin’s work at all of our zoos. Do we really need signs up that say not to put your hands through the fence at the tiger exhibit? No, No I Say!!

    Funny Schtufff, DP MAN. Cheers!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | October 3, 2009 | Reply

    • Oh the costume is imperative. How else will people know to take you seriously? I appreciate you comparing me to two of my greatest heroes. My only other two heroes’ are the Greatest American Hero and Sonny Corleone.

      The zoos are a great idea. If you want to go play with the nice tiger then go on ahead. I’ll have video rolling.

      Thanks Matt-Man!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 3, 2009 | Reply

  11. if all those morons die off who will sue people for ridiculous reasons? and if absurd lawsuits stop then won’t lawyers die off?

    oh wait … I see, brilliant collareral damage!

    Comment by dianne | October 3, 2009 | Reply

    • Don’t you just love that ‘Aha!’ moment Dianne? Evolution at its finest!

      Thanks Dianne!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 3, 2009 | Reply

  12. DP Man! DP Man! HELP! DP Man! PLEASE HELP!

    I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!

    Comment by Micky-T | October 3, 2009 | Reply

    • Ok, Try claping your hands together in a very crisp manner, twice in a row. It should at least turn on the lights for you.

      Thanks for stopping by Micky-T!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 4, 2009 | Reply

  13. Do you need a sidekick? “…just do what feels right” fucking hilarious! The only thing I’d like to add is the removal of “No Swimming” signs at the sewer treatment plants. Fight on! You’re my hero!

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | October 5, 2009 | Reply

    • I’d love a sidekick! How about KG Guy, or Key Grip …um….Guy? You’ve just opened up an entirely new round of putting the dangerously stupid at risk. Not only can we hit the sewage treatment plants, but all the gator pond farms, the signs of ‘Do not Dive’ within 30 feet of dams, and the signs in California and Hawaii, ‘Do not smear seal blood all over your body and then go surfing.’

      Great job Rooster! A week is just so long between visits, damn it.

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 5, 2009 | Reply

      • And let’s take down the “No Smoking while filling your car with explosive vapors” signs too! I’m sorry I’ve become such a bad guest.

        Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | October 12, 2009 | Reply

        • You are a terrific guest; I just miss your daily company. To do the wonderful gas station idea we’d have to have two sides of the gas station. I’d hate to put normal people at risk. Although the entertainment value of watching the gasoline fight from Zoolander may be worth the risk!

          Thanks Rooster!!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 12, 2009 | Reply

  14. HAHAHA! Seriously! I laughed so freaking hard! You’re hilarious! New follower!

    Comment by Shanni | October 9, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks Shanni, I appreciate the love! I’ll be over to check you out soon!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 9, 2009 | Reply

  15. Great stuff, and I couldn’t begin to add to the brilliant comments you’ve already received. But leaving a comment does allow me to subscribe to email updates!

    Comment by IzaakMak | June 18, 2010 | Reply

    • Sure you could…begin to add to the brilliant comments that I recieve. Feel free to leave a comment anytime you like. I’ll appreciate every one of them.

      Thanks IzaakMak!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 20, 2010 | Reply

  16. I can see why you shared this fabulous post with me Scott, what we both seem to be on about is completely in the same vein (minus the blue nylon / red g-string), my only concern is that you posted this in 2009 – where has Darwin’s Protector…um…Man been??!! Because I just checked under my mattress and not only did it say that “Care should be used when smoking on this mattress or if the mattress is near a livened flame” (minus the Spanenglish) it also said “warning: may cause drowsiness”…..

    Comment by RubyTwoShoes | August 12, 2010 | Reply


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