Zodi’s Blog

Rapture Ready Reality

Now that you’ve met the cast it’s time to introduce you to the show itself. I’m not just blowing my own trumpet of the apocalypse when I say that this is my best, boldest reality show idea to date. First I’ll convince a cast of hundreds to leave behind the satanic ways of their demon possessed governments and join me on a chain of small islands in the Indian Ocean. To entice them, I’ll offer an island way of life filled with Caucasians, guns, bibles, Cracker Barrel and Denny’s. Maybe even a Wal-Mart.
 
                                                                                                                                                                               
Wal-Mart

Just another Wal-Mart consumer

 

Once we are all on Gideon’s Island, all hell is going to break loose. I’m going to put forth my best effort to redeem them, entertain the masses, and make myself millions. I plan to allow the show to go on for decades, at least until the ‘contestants’ all reform or die out. There will be non-stop games and competitions to earn ‘rapture points,’ and one long running experiment.

The Games

 

-An Honest Education or Home School Hell?

This would be a Jeopardy-style game show for those lucky seniors about to graduate from that esteemed classroom at Mom’s kitchen table. Our young scholars will answer such questions as;

-What kind of dinosaurs did Adam and Eve have as pets?

-Is the NRA one of the three branches of government, Yes or No?

-What is the square root of 25?

-Are colleges evil? If so, how evil?

-Why do men have nipples? 

Unfortunately, the losers parents will face criminal prosecution, but the lucky winners will get to choose from a vast array of employment opportunities such as;

Restroom attendant for Larry Craig.

Page for Mark Foley.

Masseuse/Meth-dealer for Ted Haggard.

Or, if Sarah Palin wins in 2012, The Attorney General of the United States. But only if they ever make it back off of the island. 

An American Nightmare

An American Nightmare

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

-Pin The Tail on The Antichrist!

 

This name is taken straight from their own lingo. Since they will no longer have world leaders, the liberal media, or the communist elitists to accuse of being the devil incarnate, they will have to start picking among their own people when looking for a scapegoat to blame for the islands problems. This will cause them to turn on each other quicker than McCain’s campaign strategists.

-Live By the Old Testament, Die By the Old Testament.

This won’t be a game so much as a fair and balanced way to hold them to their own belief system. Since these zany zealots are so fond of Leviticus and other antiquated scripture to judge others, I thought it would be fun if the rules of the same era were applied to them. For instance…

~If anyone is found working on the Sabbath; and this includes cooking, gardening, or cleaning, they shall be put to death. –Exodus

~If anyone is found eating fried shrimp (At Denny’s) they shall be stoned to death. –Leviticus                                                                                                                                                                    

~If anyone were to get their hair cut, especially around the temples, they shall die. –Leviticus!

~If anyone is found to plant two different crops in the same field, or wear a garment made of mixed fabrics, they shall be burned to death. –That’s right folks….Leviticus. And since we’re all living by the wonderful Law, I wonder how many men will sell their daughters into slavery, as is sanctioned in Exodus? It might be tough to find all the bulls, goats, and possibly an odd son or two for God’s demanded sacrifices though. This never ending game will be a hoot! At least they won’t have any scary homosexuals jamming things down their throats anymore. Many more games and competitions will be played later, during the tribulation period.             

-The Experiment.

 

In an effort to prove that God did not pick them (or their race) personally, ‘lift up their spirit,’ or ‘enter their heart’ through holy osmosis, we will have a good old fashioned baby swap. We’ll have them raise a few babies born in the Middle East and have some hard core Muslims raise a few of their kids in Qatar. When the Muslim kids are speaking in tongues, and their kids come back reading the Koran, hopefully these sycophants will see that religion is not based on God loving America best, but is based entirely on geography and environment. This might dissuade them from thinking that foreigners are evil and scary because they had the gull to be born outside of the US. They’ll probably end up opening a Gideon’s Island version of Gitmo for their own kids, but you never know.

We will have all of the best special effects technology, and throughout the show will be playing elaborate practical jokes on the contestants. Many jokes will include taking most of the cast to another island in the middle of the night (telling them they won a reward), then blaring trumpets from the sound systems, and leaving empty piles of clothes scattered about. When the remaining people wake up to find that they were the only ones not raptured, it will be pure comedy gold. Another series of jokes will include God (voice by James Earl Jones) ‘talking’ to people, telling them he needs them to assemble a cast and put together an off-off-off Broadway show of Bye, Bye, Birdie. This will keep anyone from having too much free time to organize an armed resistance.  

                                                                                                                                                                          Bye, Bye, Birdie

 

Every two weeks we will have the audience vote out one person that they find most capable of redemption; Ironic I know. They will phone (mo money) in their votes and the ‘winner’ will be secretly drugged before bed. Then while they are asleep, they will be taken to another island. They will be replaced by look-alike actors on the main island. The person who was voted ‘most likely to not be a fuckwad anymore’ will wake up to discover that they are in the afterlife, and have landed in a purgatory-like realm with both benevolent and malevolent creature like this running around………….. 

Angels

Angels like this

                                                                                                    

 

mike

Demons like this

                                                                                                                                                   

The angles and demons will try to teach them that their time on earth was a gift. They were supposed to do the most good they could, while enjoying every precious second. If they want another shot at life, they will be forced to go back to earth, and volunteer as community organizers and gay rights advocates. Of course, God will have to have his camera crew follow them around every second. We’ll just tell them that God loves ‘The Office’ and is working on a sitcom/fake documentary using quirky characters with another chance at life. They can’t question God, so they’ll accept it. Hilarity will ensue.

After a couple of years, when the main cast is cut down to half of the most vile, reprehensible assclowns, we will create the ‘real’ rapture. All of the actors will leave in the middle of the night, again only leaving behind dentures, piles of clothing, and jewelry. After we blow the trumpet our ‘stars’ will wake up to realize that they now have to face the tribulation period, the one that they loved envisioning the evil heathens having to endure. There will be plagues, marks of the beast (I was thinking a mark they’d have to receive to get a 10% discount at the Wal-Mart. They couldn’t turn that shit down), signs in the sky, Amy Winehouse will sober up, Perez Hilton will go straight, Tom Cruise will come out, and Christian Bale will take his lighting crew out for drinks. We’ll have Andy Dick come on the island to play the role of God, and Maury Povich will play Satan. Both Povich and Dick will be given a wide berth of improvisational latitude. The last seven years of the show should be the most entertaining and enlightening. And absolutely fucking hilarious.

                                                                                                                                                        Andy Dick 

It is my honest hope that this massive social experiment/nefarious scheme/reality show will truly make the world a better, and dare I say, more Christian place. And will finally bring me Bruckheimer money.   

 

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October 23, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

57 Comments »

  1. As long as there are large fences, well actually I’d prefer concrete to seperate the crew from the contestents, I’d love to apply for the set carpenter position on your new reality show.

    Comment by Micky-T | October 23, 2009 | Reply

    • Let me be perfectly clear…I can’t spell for shit and I hope it wouldn’t influence which side of the fence I end up on.

      Comment by Micky-T | October 23, 2009 | Reply

      • Don’t worry spelling is not an issue unless you believe that God will magically correct it.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 24, 2009 | Reply

    • The set carpenter gig is all yours. I already have my key grip as well! Don’t worry, not only will there be a barbed wire fence, but all of my crew will be issued tasers.

      Thanks Micky!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 24, 2009 | Reply

  2. That car was sitting at our county fair last year!! It’s awesome!

    -Live By the Old Testament, Die By the Old Testament.

    This is going to be my favorite part of the show. This is so full of win. 😉

    Comment by Jay | October 23, 2009 | Reply

    • I’m going to have to visit you soon Jay! I can probably round up a few ‘cast’ members around those parts, yea??
      Live By/Die By is my favorite hypocrite killer as well!

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 24, 2009 | Reply

  3. Ingenious ideas. All of them. And even though I just found out about these “people” (using the term as loosely as Paris Hilton in heat) I feel like I’ve finally seen the light. Followed immediately by the dark.

    Seriously, you have to let me get in this gravy train, especially “The Experiment” and “An Honest Education or Home School Hell?.

    Not only do they both sound extremely entertaining and chock-full of crazy antics (the first one thanks to the mention of that “Riverdancing” Mr. Larry Craig), I believe these are the kinds of programs that will help our future generation (provided there is a future…fingers crossed!) as well as our future “future” generation. (I have no idea what this means, btw).

    Not to mention the fact that I’ve always wanted to know why men have nipples…

    While you’re on a roll, do you think you could come up with a Candid Camera type show as well?

    You could be Peter Funt and I could be Suzanne Somers, and together we could catch them doing “hypocritical things in the privacy of their own home” and call them out in front of millions (or thousands, depending on the network) of people!

    Actually, now that I think about it, let’s just stick with your ideas. Mine sounds a little “old school”.

    Comment by bschooled | October 23, 2009 | Reply

    • Why am I never around when Paris Hilton is in heat, but always around when Perez Hilton is? Such is life. Oy-e-Vay.

      You are already on the gravy train, you’re my partner after all. We’ll be swimming in a grave soon. That wasn’t a typo. I’m totally open for suggestions as well. I was wondering if we should have a zapper type devise for when the kids inevitably ring in with the wrong answer on Honest Education?

      I’m surprised and impressed that you have seen the Larry Craig Riverdance. I thought that show was only playing in the Minnesota airport men’s restroom. You really do get around don’t you? Amazing!

      I disagree and love your ideas. I’ll incorporate them into the show immediately. It would give the show that classic ‘way, way behind the scenes’ feel. I thought that you were now going to become Bhomeschooled or Bschooled in Christ?

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 24, 2009 | Reply

      • HA! How did I not see this comment before?

        Bhomeschooled is perfect! I love it like a God-Fearing mentally unstable bible thumper loves “letting her crazy hang out” on fundamentalist forums. Maybe even more!

        And yes, Scott. When it comes to getting around, I most certainly do. It’s another one of my 3,213 shticks. (soon to be 3,214, just as soon as I get an avatar set up on Rapture Ready…Fingers crossed! Again!)

        Comment by bschooled | October 26, 2009 | Reply

        • I’m really honored that you dig Bhomeschooled! I can’t wait to see you hanging out on that site. Just as long as you don’t let your crazy hang out. If that lady ‘of’ Wal-Mart was any indication then it is not pretty when crazy people let their junk hang out.

          I don’t think you should mention the incredible number of your shticks on RR though. Even I could see that you could be Satan……..
          3213=3=2=1=…6 then you have the 3======666
          Or 3214 3=2=1=…6 plus the 3 (and 1) =====666 you are the 1..
          See how scary math can be? That’s why we must refrain from all education.
          BTW- I have everything crossed. It’s a nervous habit.

          Thanks B!!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 26, 2009 | Reply

  4. Oh poor old maligned Christian Bale 😉

    And I think reintroducing Peter Funt to the world is an inspired suggestion

    Comment by nursemyra | October 23, 2009 | Reply

    • Yea, you really gotta feel bad for Mr. Bale, poor guy.

      I loved Bchooled’s Idea, and I think we need to get Peter Funt in on the action. Maybe after the practical jokes have played out, he can come out and tell the contestants that they just got punked.

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 24, 2009 | Reply

  5. I don’t know which is funnier — James Earl Jones as the voice of God or Andy Dick as God? This was fucking hilarious! Sheer genius my dear friend!

    Comment by tlwshoemaker | October 23, 2009 | Reply

    • I’m thinking that we can explain the whole voice change thing by having Dick tell them that when his voice travels through the atmosphere it is drastically altered. These people will fall for anything apparently.

      I can’t wait to see the expressions on their faces when they find out that their God is gay cocaine addict. And he’s really pissed about the whole hating gays shtick they’ve been pulling.

      Thanks Tammie!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 24, 2009 | Reply

  6. Andy Dick was Bush’s “Speechalist”. I saw it on youtube, so it must be true.

    Where do you come up with this shit? Can I get some of the stuff you’re smoking? My muse is slacking off on her musely duties, so now I have to think on my own. My head hurts all the time now.

    The Nerd

    Comment by wordnerd45 | October 24, 2009 | Reply

    • You are not wrong to go to YouTube for your information. That place is phenomenaly accurate.

      Although, I’d love to send you some of my crack, I just can’t. An hour later I’d probably find myself stuck in a mailbox in attempting to retrieve it.

      If your head hurts, do what I do and shoot some opium!

      Thanks Word!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 24, 2009 | Reply

  7. you had me at ‘Gideon’s Island’ and it just got better and better and better!!

    Comment by dianne | October 24, 2009 | Reply

  8. It took a sharp eye to pick that little gem out of the muck. I’m glad you noticed and liked it!

    Thanks Dianne!!

    Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 24, 2009 | Reply

  9. Very impressive, Scott!

    I can’t wait until your ideas come to fruition. I will be able to say that I knew you back when. 😉

    Maybe I can be on your reality show. I want to kick Andy Dick in the test-tackles!

    Comment by Candice | October 24, 2009 | Reply

    • I can’t wait either; this will be the most fun I’ve ever had with church folk. And that includes the church picnic I attended with my mom. There was softball, frisbee, cake, and a lot of rebuking Satan in the name of donations. Still, it wasn’t really that fun for me since I was the one they were chasing with pitchforks. Thank God (seriously, thank him) I was fast back then.

      I’d love you to be on the crew. You’d have to kick Andy really hard though to penetrate all of the duct tape.

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

  10. This is awesome, Scott. The kind of cutting edge television that makes TV executives wet their pants in anticipation AND fear! And let me tell you, that is one Hell of a sight. (I’ll leave out any mention of its smell, because, you know, that would just be vulgar, and we’re all civilized philistines here…) This sinister religious infotainment reality check idea of yours should certainly bring in the Bruckheimer money. If not, at the very least you should be able to score some sacrificial virgins out of the deal. Rumour is that Fox TV is practically giving them away.

    Comment by alantru | October 24, 2009 | Reply

    • The only TV exec that I’d want to make wet would be NBC’s Angela Bromstad. She’s definitely my type of career cougar. It’s a lot easier said than done though, but I won’t get into all of that here.

      Fox is completely full of shit; don’t believe a word they say. I won last year’s ‘Win a Sacrificial Virgin for a Night, or Just Kill Her, We Don’t Really Mind’ contest, and I got ripped off big time. First they sent me Miley Cyrus, and not only was she not intact, but as you know, I caught a nasty virus. After complaining, they sent me Carrie Prejean and after having to pick the lock on her chastity belt, I found out the ‘never get hard again way’ that she is an androgyne.

      The lawsuit is still in litigation, but I’m willing to settle if they agree to air my show.

      Thanks Alan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

  11. I’m very partial to Pin the Tail on the Antichrist. You’d have to have a hell of a selection of tails for that one.

    Recent antichrists have included such luminaries as:
    The one-world government
    Obama
    Cliff Richards
    Michael Jackson
    Barney (the purple dinosaur, not the bar hound)
    The editors on the New International Version of the Bible
    Fox TV (back when it was Simpsons and Married… with Children; obviously not now that it’s all shouting and neocon)
    MTV
    Ozzy
    Dimmu Borgir (this may be correct)
    Gary Gygax (although most have given up on this one seeing as he’s dead)
    The Euro
    Al Davis
    Skeltor (again, this may need to be double-checked)
    The Landover Baptist Church
    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/
    Rev. Jim Jones in conjunction with the Kool-Aid Man
    Public Schools
    Alan Truitt
    Ayn Rand (not just because of her philosophy, but she also is an avowed Harry Potter fan)
    Married gays
    Unmarried gays
    That guy from down the street who always has an impeccable yard and the shortest shorts I’ve ever seen
    Weekend dad #7
    Morris Day (but not the Time)
    Kris Fucking Kringle

    Top-notch work, Scott and great sourcing on the “angels” photo. I will now be rerouting my religious donations to you, which means the good people at Chik-fil-a will have to do without my $20/yr.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | October 25, 2009 | Reply

    • Hahahahaha!

      A damn fine list, CLT. (Hey, look at me, I sound like Crabby Puppy!)

      Saints, everyone of them… Well, one, more than the others…

      Comment by alantru | October 25, 2009 | Reply

      • You wouldn’t be so crabby if you ate more. Why, you’re wasting away there, all bones and an unfortunate haircut.

        Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | October 25, 2009 | Reply

        • My wasted look is all because of an unfortunate miscommunication between me and my hairstylist. I asked for “all haircut and unfortunate bones.”

          Comment by alantru | October 25, 2009 | Reply

          • Hahahaha!!!

            I thought your “wasted” look was due to your posting schedule, which currently fluctuates between “slim” and “none.”

            Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | October 25, 2009 | Reply

          • Hah!!!

            Thanks. It’s nice that you care the way you do. But about “slim and none…”

            Don’t you mean “Nun and Slim”™ ?

            Lord I loved those two zany comic strip panhandlers from the 1930’s. She was a zany nun who had given up church for train hopping. He was a boxer homosexual with dreams of making it as a heterosexual who could impregnate a hobo nun.

            Between them they’d give birth to the messiah hobo boxer…

            They just don’t make TV like that anymore… Or at least they didn’t until our pal Scott gave us our RRTV (Rapture Ready TV!)

            Bless his pagan parts, I say…

            Comment by alantru | October 25, 2009 | Reply

            • CLT is right Alan. Scripture clearly states that ‘Man shall not live by comments alone.’

              Ah yes, the good old days of TV, where you could rape a homeless nun, or kill annoying immigrants (Incredible Hulk) with no consequences except a laugh track that was slightly off-time.

              Your last line brought back horrible memories of that night with Dick Cheney. He mumbled some garbled line about blessing my pagan parts before he began performing unspeakable acts upon me. Ugh. Ack.

              Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

          • Hahaha!!!

            Nice. I’d never heard of them until now, but I feel like I’ve known them forever. As mom and dad.

            Which would make me a messiah hobo boxer; or in today’s parlance a Capitalist Lion Tamer.

            The lawyers have advised me (and they’re doing this “advising” thing a lot lately) that I really should not attempt to “bless” Scott’s “parts” anymore.

            Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | October 25, 2009 | Reply

            • I love your new extended moniker! The Messiah Hobo Boxer Capitalist Lion Tamer, has the perfect ‘Je nais se qua!’

              You have me all aghast and up in umbrage again with your getting advice on how to be advised routine. Since you’re my attorney and have the ‘power,’ aren’t you breaking attorney/client privilege by being advised on my ‘parts?’ Can’t you at least bless my cotton socks or something? You’re beginning to make me think that all attorneys are inherently bad people or something. I’m now considering a class action lawsuit (using myself, my blackouts and my ‘parts’ as claimants) against you and your advising attorneys. I’m going to give John Grisham a call later today, and ask him to “Make it rain Bitch.”

              Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

          • Uh oh, I really hope you didn’t get any taken off around the temples or ear area, or you shall be put to death. I think that you have a beautiful bone structure by the way. But that won’t save you from the ‘putting to death’ thing.

            Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

      • I agree with you Alan. Gary Gygax was a saint. Without D&D who knows how many neglected children would have gone all ‘Otto’ on the world!

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

    • Great compilation CLT! I agree with the possibility that most on your list could be Lucifer, especially the Milk Bone muncher. I do move to strike a few from your list though….
      -Ozzy- Not only is he a hero, but the poor guy can’t even operate a remote anymore, much less his own legs. Could be a demon though.
      -The Landover Baptist Church- They do incredible, God-fearing work over there.
      -Weekend dad #7- Also known to me as ‘The asshole who took my mom to Hawaii while I was 13. Shouldn’t I have gotten the invite? I thought it was supposed to be a package deal.’ I don’t think he was Beelzebub because he always smelled strongly of garlic, Ben-Gay and baby powder. I don’t envision those particular odors permeating from Satan.

      I’d also like to add a few to your list, based on my own exhaustive research…
      NAFTA
      Ted ‘fucking’ Turner and/or his wife
      Larry King
      Justin Timberlake
      Rick Warren
      Che Guevara
      Prince- formerly. My keyboard doesn’t have that symbol.
      Jeff Probst
      Michael Moore
      Simon Cowell
      Gordon Ramsay
      Tony Blair
      Mr. Belvedere
      Margaret Thatcher, the milk snatcher.
      Hmm, I seem to think that there is a strong possibility that Satan is British. Is that because I’m married to a Brit? You tell me. Thanks for the donation; every little bit helps.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

  12. You’re the man, Messiah Hobo Boxer, I mean MHB, I mean, CLT… And gum bless “Nun and Slim” two 1930’s zany comic strip desperado panhandlers and the TV show about them. Yes, that’s all very seamless.. Edna!!!!!!!! I mean, Squeaky!!!!!!!!

    Scott, damn it man, wake up. CLT… I think he may be dead. A rumour. Originally spread by Scott, I might add.

    Comment by alantru | October 25, 2009 | Reply

    • Haha, I’m finally awake, thanks in no small part to a timely 911 call by the Crazy Ass Gypsy Lady, 3 paramedics and an injection of Narcan. The bastards completely ruined my buzz though.

      I don’t spread rumors anymore, but have been known to spread whatever the hell it was that I caught off of Miley Cyrus. Half of this town is now walking gingerly, and applying ginger; it’s supposed to help with the welts.

      By the way, is there anyway that you can find me a clip of the wonderful sounding show?

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

      • Alack, Scott, for some reason there’s nothing on YouTube. What is this messiah-less hobo boxer world coming to?

        Comment by alantru | October 26, 2009 | Reply

  13. Had a CLATT overe here and I missed that one too. That’s it. I’m just going to hang out at my place instead of visiting. What was that Scott? Don’t think I didn’t just hear you make a crack about how I’m not on anywhere anymore.

    Anyway, I cracked up and out loud when I imagined all of the RRTV people waking up to discover much of the flock has been raptured away and only piles of clothes and dentures are left. Make sure to put a pair of panties in the middle of grandad’s pile of clothes. Really make some of the survivors heads explode.

    I can’t wait to see the previews!

    Comment by Claire Collins | October 25, 2009 | Reply

    • See everybody thought I was just being paranoid again when I told them that everyone could here us making the crack. They should have called it crack snapple pop. That shit is louder than Jiffy pop in the microwave. You have to come visit, I’ll give you a tester and everything.

      That’s an awesome idea with the panties! We could also throw some completely weird shit into the mix of left behind articles…..an elephant’s heart, a tiger’s tooth, and maybe an old tattered copy of The Prince!

      Thanks Claire!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 25, 2009 | Reply

  14. I’m scared and excited that we are thinking alike about what to leave in the piles of clothes of the dearly departed who were raptured up. Just think of how crazy the “leftovers” will be. We should write a book about this.

    Comment by Claire Collins | October 25, 2009 | Reply

    • The ‘leftovers’ will be nuttier than a leftover Christmas fruitcake. That’s the plan. I’d love to join you on a book writing collaboration. Maybe we could even get Patterson as a ghost writer. I’m sure he wouldn’t demand his name prominently displayed even though the idea, and 99% of the actual writing (all except for the James Patterson name on the cover) was ours.

      Thanks Claire!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 26, 2009 | Reply

      • We might as well throw Cussler in too just to make CLT happy.

        Comment by Claire Collins | October 27, 2009 | Reply

        • Clive Fuckicng Cussler would make us all happy Claire. He has that fucking way about him.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 27, 2009 | Reply

  15. Come see me. I’ll give you people to take to the island. To me the ultimate fun would be to show them empty cities. “The rapture happened and they took everyone…but you.”

    Comment by suzettevaughn | October 25, 2009 | Reply

    • If you live anywhere other than a metropolitan area or along the coast, then I’m sure I’d find a ton of them. I can’t wait to see how they react when the only people left are the people holding the signs saying, “The End is Near!”

      Thanks Suzette!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 26, 2009 | Reply

  16. Send the homeschool children to me. I do it right, unlike the whack jobs touting “young earth” theory. My two year old knows what a paleontologist is.

    Great idea, Scott. Can’t wait to see the show!

    Comment by barelyknittogether | October 26, 2009 | Reply

    • I know that you and certainly many others are qualified and totally capable of home-schooling. If you google RR BB and hit on the first site that comes up, then go to the home-schooling thread, you will see why I have a problem with these people. They barely have a 5th grader’s spelling, grammar, and punctuation down, and I don’t even want to get into ‘science’ class or my head will make an ouchy. That’s awesome that your kids are learning so much. I think that it can be a wonderful thing for them, as long as it’s done right. And they get some outside social interaction. Which, since you’re not fucking nuts, I know that your kids get!

      It’s great to see you again BKT, you’ve been missed!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 26, 2009 | Reply

  17. I want gladiator pits with hand guns and demon sized hotdogs! Make mine ZodiTV!

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | October 26, 2009 | Reply

    • You can have anything you want Rooster, you are my key grip after all! ZodiTV it is!

      Thanks Rooster!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 26, 2009 | Reply

  18. Bruckheimer money is were its at…good luck with that Scott…really!

    Comment by fundamentaljelly | October 26, 2009 | Reply

    • I’m going to need a lot of luck FJ. A lot of luck and a bunch of lawyers.

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 26, 2009 | Reply

  19. Yeah and somewhwere along the way they will have to sit down with Dr. Drew and his cameras in a confessional.

    Sho me the money!!!

    Comment by Candy | October 26, 2009 | Reply

    • Oh yea, we need Dr. Drew! He’s about the only one who can sit there without being a pretentious assclown (Dr. Phil) and yet still keep a straight face. I love using him in the ‘confessionals.’

      Thanks Candy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | October 27, 2009 | Reply

  20. Ha, I was perusing some old stuff and came across this, which you linked to on my blog, but I never saw until I read it, which was today . . .

    Awesome. I love the rapture, and think it makes for some serious funny stuff.

    But for the serious stuff: So we ain’t going to Gilligan’s Island? Damn it, there goes that three-way thingy I was hoping for.

    Comment by jammer5 | June 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Damn you did find the time machine! No, you wouldn’t want the three way anymore anyway. Those chicks are like 84 now.

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 21, 2010 | Reply

  21. And if I don’t get rapturized, and am left here to rot, could God be so kind as to rapturize (or freakin’ kill), Lady Gag, Justin Birdbrain, Taylor swat, Lez Cheney (Take her whole family . . . please), every frikin reality show except SYTYCD. I’m sure other names will pop into my head after a few cups o coffee.

    Comment by jammer5 | June 21, 2010 | Reply

    • The beautiful thing is Jammer that unlike the Rapture Ready people you have the ability to just tune out what you don’t like and don’t have to condemn anyone to hell to be free of them. Isn’t it lovely!

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 21, 2010 | Reply


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