Zodi’s Blog

Gods of the 21st Century

Meet the immortals

 

This started out as an idea for a post, but after meeting these immortals myself, I’m thinking of turning this into a series. I like the idea, and I need some stability in my life for once. I’ll still do some of my other stuff, but I’m curious to see where these Gods will take us. I’m hoping that together we will get to know these immortals much more intimately through the coming months. So in no particular order (except maybe alphabetical)……

Ashtonisis- (formerly Hermes) The God of twitter, sitcoms, well played marriages, mischief and practical jokes. He is the messenger between the Gods and the people, provided that the messages are 140 characters or less. He lives to trick and deceive mortals and immortals alike. He is wed to a mystical cougar that will appear in a few cameos. His symbols are the smirk, a little bluebird, maniacal laughter (which he uses to cause confusion) and police sirens.

Barackus- (formerly Zeus) The supreme God of the immortals and of the earth, he rules with a silver tongue and a calm, if maybe a little bit passive-aggressive demeanor. He is loved by some and loathed by others, but he invokes a strong emotion in almost all. His symbols are a donkey, an ‘end-o-the-world’ button and a cigarette. He has a direct line to every other immortal, and wields his influence at will. He is the brother to Cheneyticus and Cruiseus, and father to Palinicus, Tyras and Westicus.

Brangelina- (formerly Aphrodite) The hermaphrodite God of love, lust, and beauty. This is by far the prettiest fucking God you will ever see. Brangelina has taken Cheneyticus as a lover in the past but the 2 (or 3?) are currently feuding. Brangelina is an expert at seducing the world with sex, money and charm. It’s symbols are an Ethiopian baby, a vial of blood, and soap.

Cheneyticus- (formerly Ares) God of war, bloodshed, security, mumbling and scowling. He is one of the most feared and powerful God’s on high. He is the arch enemy and nemesis of Barackus, and has many nefarious plans brewing. His symbols are a shotgun, a man sized safe, pixilation and sealed lips. He is brother to Cruiseus and Barackus. He is also affectionately known as The Puppet Master.   

Cruiseus- (formerly Hades) God of the underworld, magic and wealth. He is an arrogant, somewhat delusional short man with a Napoleon complex. He demands and receives fierce loyalty and cash offerings from his minions. Certainly one of the more disturbing Gods, his symbols include catch phrases, tighty whities, a secret decoder ring, and a gold sheathed, signed original of Dianetics. Brother to Barackus and Cheneyticus. 

Duggarus- (formerly Hera) Goddess of fertility, childbirth and marriage. After annoying Barackus by preaching abstinence only education, she was cursed with an overly horny husband (second marriage) and a super-womb. She now has 19 children (all fledgling Gods) and counting. Her symbols are a giant vagina, an ex-d out condom, a forced smile and big hair.  

Heffneus- (formerly Dionysus) God of wine, entertaining, media, merriment, madness and blondes. Among the new Gods this immortal is ancient, but still embodies good times, luxurious living and decadence. He has a firm handshake and a constant erection. His symbols are a silk bathrobe, living human trophies and a Crunk Cup.

Olympus Julius- (formerly Thanatos) God of death and physical comedy. Despite being known as death personified with a murderous bent, he is actually quite lovable and friendly. He gets along very well with the other Gods and most mortals. He has a kind heart, and once took in Phelpius for over a year when he was going through some personal issues. OJ’s symbols are black leather gloves, a scythe, and a white bronco (the horse, not the SUV).

Palina- (formerly Athena) Goddess of warfare, fools and naïveté. Yet another enemy of Barackus despite the fact that she sprung from his head in full Neiman Marcus armor. Those that love her, adore her with passion, those that don’t like her still adore her for her MILF-ishness and entertaining interview gaffs. Her symbols are a sash, binoculars and a talking wolf’s head.

Phelpius- (formerly Poseidon) God of water, competition and stoners. The bastard son of Barackus, he is a constant thorn in the leader’s side. With a fun loving nature and a devil may care attitude, he just wants to have a good time at any opportunity. He looks to Heffneus as his hero, and can usually be found at his realm. His symbols are gold and a golden bong, which he uses to win favor and influence with mortals and Gods alike.

Tyras- (formerly Artemis) Goddess of the hunt, fierceness and the moon. She is the protector of young, beautiful women everywhere. Fantastically, she is still a virgin and has a winning personality. Her symbols are a camera, magic hair and lingerie. She uses her amazing eyes and breasts to hypnotize those she wishes to influence. She is the twin sister of Westicus and she has Barackus’ attentive ear.

Westicus- (formerly Apollo) God of prophesy, hip-hop and poetry. He is well known for his arrogance and was cursed with a debilitating social disease which forces him to say or do whatever pops into his brain. Twin brother of Tyras. His symbols are magic sunglasses, leather, two mirrors and a microphone.

* Any resemblance to actual persons is unintended, coincidental, and slightly ironic.

November 18, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 37 Comments