Zodi’s Blog

Resolutions

-Find Captain Jack. Get him to get me high.

-Win the lottery. Big.

-Be even more like Mike.

                                                                                                                                

 

-Grow a tail as a result of this injury, Red Bull, Spanish ‘milk’ and paella.

-Get divorced. Remarry well.

-Convince the judge that the ends justified the means.

-Switch role models from John Daly to Tiger Woods.

-Take more vitamins.

-Convince the world that I don’t exist.

-Find out who let the dogs out. Kill them.

-Fix leaky faucet.

-Learn that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

-Buy some Scott’s turf builder.

-Rip down that fucker’s fence in the middle of the night.

-Learn Arabic.

-Find Nicole Brown Simpsons real killer.

-Fight fire with AK47’s

-Solve the Sudan thing.

-Be a better friend.

-Fight Bill O’Reilly.

-Quit smoking.

-Forget about Dre.

-Remember Sammy Jankins.

-Cut and just jog.

-Two words; Gypsy TV.

-Figure out what the hell is going on in Lost.

-Get the fifth dentist to agree on Crest.

-Eat more vegetables.

-Take one for the team.

-Call in favors from teammates.

-Get rapture ready.

-Get Baby the hell out of that damn corner.

 

Happy New Year to all of my wonderful friends!!!!!!

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December 30, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , ,

38 Comments »

  1. Come visit when you win the lotto. I’ll let you buy me a drink. 🙂

    Comment by candice | December 30, 2009 | Reply

    • I’ll even buy you as many as 7 drinks. Don’t ask where I got that number, I don’t even know.

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  2. Fun!!!

    Ok then, here’s mine:

    -Find that damned Captain Morgan. Get him to get me drunk.

    -Win the lottery. Bigger.

    -Solve a problem like Maria.

    -Convince myself that the world doesn’t exist.

    -Finally get that grill that everyone keeps getting all in.

    -Bring back the Macarena.

    -Get the funk out.

    -Rip down that fucker’s fence in the middle of the night. (I hope we’re not neighbors, because…well, that would be really awkward!)

    -Learn Barbaric.

    -Fight fire with Chuck’s nuts.

    -Solve the Sodomy thing.

    -Prevent a forest fire, then allow it to return later on.

    -Fuggedaboutdre.

    -Remember the Titans.

    -Get the other four dentists to disagree on Crest.

    -Eat more gluten.

    -Put the “i” in Team.

    -Get Baby the hell out of that damn corner. (Great minds…)

    …Happy New Year my friend. I anxiously await the premiere of Gypsy TV!:)

    Comment by bschooled | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • Your list is way better than my list….damnit. I’m curious how you’re going to solve the sodomy thing, but I’ll let you tell me in your own time.

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  3. Yeah! Great resolutions, and pretty clear, too (get it . . . clear resolution?).

    Sorry. It’s late and I have a friend in Spain growing a tail back. Not the football position either . . .

    Sorry. Fantastic list, mi amigo! I just got Dorsey’s “Torpedo Juice” and “The Big Bamboo”. Thanks for the head’s up!

    Anyway, I have to eat more veggys, too, and put a much bigger fence up between the neighbors and us. A river of pig blood is not beyond their ways and means. I once called the Humane Society because they had twenty-five white ducks shoved into a cage for days, with no food or water, during a heat wave. We still don’t know why.

    But I digress . . .

    Happy New Year, Scott! Grow a killer tailback for Pittsburgh!

    Sorry.

    Comment by Dan McGinley | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • Like a clear resolution? Like a TV or something? Wow, I’m stupid. I’m glad you ordered those other books as well, I knew that Serge would hook you. He’s the single greatest character that I’ve ever come across. Happy New Year to you too.

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 31, 2009 | Reply

      • Serge hooked me, bro. Be cool, and thanks. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

        Comment by Dan McGinley | January 1, 2010 | Reply

  4. Excellent resolutions Scott.

    I don’t do resolutions for myself anymore – instead I just tell people what’s wrong with them and suggest they change their ways.

    Nice to see you back. Old men worry when people disappear.

    Comment by Donald Mills | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • I think your strategy may be the best of all. It’s more suited to me to criticize everybody else while doing what ever the hell I want myself. I wonder if I can ‘take back’ my own list now?

      Thanks Don!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  5. That’s an excellent list of resolutions. I would think that each of them are doable.

    Comment by Jay | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  6. Totally funny list Scott, so here’s a couple of mine.

    I resolve:

    To act more capricious in the coming year.

    To release Roger.

    To order in French in a Mexican restaurant.

    To laugh at death.

    To start a revolution and then end it after one day because I changed my mind (this works well with the capricious resolution I think).

    To sell my children into slavery if they piss me off.

    To leave myself off the list of the most influential voices of the 21st century.

    To poke someone in the arm several times, really hard.

    To wish you a Happy New Year.

    Comment by fundamentaljelly | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • Starting and ending a revolution in a day is deliciously capricious. And you are already on my list of the most influential voices of the 21st century. Especially your photographic voice. Happy New Year to you too.

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • I will be following your capriciousness avidly FJ

      Comment by nursemyra | January 2, 2010 | Reply

  7. I agree with Candice, call me when you win the lottery, I’d love to help you tear down that fence, kick O’Reilys ass, and hell, I’ll even fix the faucet for you. Forget the turf builder from Scotts, the dogs that got out pissed all over it so it always makes the grass greener on the other side of the fence, and that fucks a lot of people up.

    Happy New Year to a real Pain In The Ass!

    Comment by Micky-T | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • Damn dude, you’ll be even busier than me then. Once I get someone to ‘help’ I usually kind of fade to the periphery and watch in a Huck Finn kind of way. Hehe

      Thanks Micky!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  8. I think Michael Vick let the dogs out, I will gladly help you kill him

    when your tail grows in I’d love to pull it

    you’re wonderful dear wounded ass

    Here’s to a wonderful 2010

    Comment by dianne | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • Oh, I’d love to kill Vick, and it would be even funner with you by my side. You are wonderful to my dear! Cheers to 2010!

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  9. Excellant list…may you complete them all while drinking a pina colada in the rain while hunting duck on a hot day in february……happy new year…..zman sends

    Comment by steve | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • That is one of the best toasts I’ve heard all year. I may have to steal that one at some wedding someday! Happy New Year to you too.

      Thanks Steve!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 31, 2009 | Reply

  10. Wow, that list almost makes me wish I still made resolutions 🙂 Happy New Year!

    Comment by Reb | December 31, 2009 | Reply

    • I figure that you’ve got to have goals …right?

      Thanks Reb!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 2, 2010 | Reply

  11. Let me know when you’re headed after the fucker that let the dogs out. That bastard has ruined so many sporting events. We can tear down that fucker’s fence while we’re there. (Probably post-kill so as not to scare him away.)

    Hell of a list, Scott. Good luck in the New Year.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | January 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks, I think I may well need your help. I picture this prick as a redneck with a couple shotguns. Happy New Year to you too and I hope that we both have great luck this year.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 2, 2010 | Reply

  12. Happy New Year Sweetie! Wishing you all the very best and blessing for the year ahead!!!

    Love ya Kid
    Hugs

    Comment by Vicki | January 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Happy New Year and blessings to you too hun, I know we will all have a great year!

      Thanks Vicki!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 2, 2010 | Reply

  13. I hope you have a great 2010 Scott. Heal up, get busy living, and have fun along the way. Happy New Year and Cheers!!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | January 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks Matt, I plan on it. Even through this shit I’m living and very much enjoying life….always.

      Thanks Matt-Man!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 2, 2010 | Reply

  14. Happy Friggin New Year Scott.

    Comment by frigginloon | January 1, 2010 | Reply

  15. Okie Dokie here’s mine

    1. Have a chinwag with Kim Jong Il on Skype.
    2. Have the fatwa removed
    3. Be nicer to dead famous people
    4. Get one me a snuggie blanket and a three wolf moon t-shirt.
    5. Be kinder to snails
    6. Watch a Simpson cartoon
    7. Walk naked into a crowded room and see how long it takes for someone to scream.
    8.Find out Bearman’s true identity.
    9. Get Ashton Kutcher to follow me on Twitter
    10. Do everything I can before 2012

    Comment by frigginloon | January 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Dammn, your list is better than mine as well. Especially the Kim Jong IL thing.

      Thanks Friggingloon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 2, 2010 | Reply

    • Just how mean are you to snails anyway FL?

      Comment by nursemyra | January 2, 2010 | Reply

      • I feed them to my ducks Nurse Myra, but I feel Buddha may not be happy with me 😦

        Comment by frigginloon | January 2, 2010 | Reply

  16. lol good luck

    Happy New Year

    quite an impressive list – some were funny. All the best though.

    Comment by Corve DaCosta | January 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Good luck and blessing to you in 2010 as well!

      Thanks Corve!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 2, 2010 | Reply

  17. “Get the fifth dentist to agree on Crest.” that’s funny! Don’t forget about Dre though… he’s a doctor. Hell, maybe he’d agree on Crest if they’d put him on the board. Happy New Year’s!

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | January 4, 2010 | Reply

    • You have an incredibly valid point, If I could get him to agree on Crest I’d be killing two birds with one 9 millimeter. Happy New Years to you too, I hope you have an amazing year!

      Thanks Rooster!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 4, 2010 | Reply

  18. @-Get the fifth dentist to agree on Crest.

    @-Get rapture ready.

    I’m having some trouble prioritizing on this.

    Comment by David | January 10, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m thinking Get Rapture Ready should be first. I don’t want to miss that magic elevator ride after all! After that I’ll have a talk with the hold out dentist…..what’s he trying to prove anyway?

      Thanks David!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 10, 2010 | Reply


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