Zodi’s Blog

Thank You Letters

Bush to Blair  

    

Hey Bubba!!      

How the heck are you? How is Cherry Cherie and the carpetmice? Oh hey, did she ever get over that pig-flu yet?      

I had meant to write you last week but I got real busy clearin brush, readin literatures and runnin the big Bush biz. Listen Tone Loco, I wanted to personably thank you for the incredible labour (git it? Hehe, I even used your funny spellin!) you put into saving our images. You did a terrific job in front of that Iraqy questioning thing. Cool as a cat on a hot tin roof! Heck of a job! 

     

Us at the camp

  

  

I was so relived you didn’t mention all that Gog and Magog, biblical prophesy fullfillin, God’s will followin, armageddon stuff I was rattling on about to you and ‘french fry Chirac’ back then. I guess between Falwell and the moral majority in my ear, and all that blow, I got a bit carried away. We all got carried away, but it was fun and we took out an evil man, so it is what it is. It was fun though Huh?    

  

It’s real good you didn’t mention Big Time Dicky either. I’m still ascared of him. He’s one spook-y Dick….(git it? Spook and Dick hehehehe) Hey, did you know his daughter was a big lesbo? Shit a brick huh?      

Who was the organization inquiring you anyway? What’s the queen Elizabeth conference center? Oh did you get to go on that fancy boat that my Laura goes ape shit for?      

I heard that they was callin you back. Do you need me to send Turd Blossom over there for preppin? I’d just have to get Condi to ring him and he’d do it (don’t ask hehe). Or I could send you Speedy Gonzales, but he don’t seem to remember much these days. Do you think he started with the weed? (you know how they love that stuff) (Mexican’s I mean, not lawyers) (lawyers like drugs that make you smarter) (like blow).      

Anyway don’t fret, just prevent the evidence just like it was presented to us. And joke around with everyone. They love that shit. You’re doing real great so far, just keep up the Lord’s Work.      

Us at the ranch

  

After all this horseshit is done, I think you should go ahead and be president of the European States. Then you could bring me on board. It’d be just like old times, we’d have a ball. Nobody would believe it! They always did misunderestimate us didn’t they?      

Oh yea, Daddy Bush said to say hi. He said some other stuff too but I forgot. I’ll buzz you if I recollect and it was crucial stuff.      

So thanks again Teflon Tony (hehe just like Gotti) I’ll keep up the prayin for you. We all should keep prayin that Big Dick doesn’t make any rash decisions about us too. Really Tone, I’m serious.      

All my sincerity,      

G.W.B.      

ps; You will always be my favorite bitch. Heheheheh just joshin      

pps: That new black fella is fuckin up over here huh? Don’t you think so?

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February 1, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

34 Comments »

  1. Awww. I’m a sucker for a good love story.

    “pps: That new black fella is fuckin up over here huh? Don’t you think so?”

    you fricken kill me….

    Comment by Candy | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • It is the sweetest love story never completly told isn’t it?

      Thanks Candy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2010 | Reply

  2. this should be the first thing installed into the
    ‘George W Bush Prezeedential Liberry’

    you are fucking brilliant!

    Comment by dianne | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • I always thought that his old, dog-eared copy of ‘Are You My Mother?’ followed by the complete collective works of ‘Family Circus’ would be one and two. Thanks for the nod though, one can hope!

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2010 | Reply

  3. Oh that crazy W. My dad thinks he’s a genius, lol.

    Comment by Mrs. D/3 Men & a Lady | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • It’s scary but a lot of people do. Or they think that the directions came straight from God’s lips to his ear.

      Thanks Mrs. D/3!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2010 | Reply

  4. Old dubya just might have left the largest skid mark this country has ever had to wash out.

    Comment by Micky-T | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Oh, it’s going to take 50 years and 500 million gallons of bleach to get rid of that bad boy.

      Thanks Micky!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2010 | Reply

  5. That was mighty fine renditionifyin’ if I ever read some of that. I am thoroughly impressenated.

    Comment by jammer5 | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • I went back and googled Bushisms to get into character. I found some new ones and some old favorites. God damn, if nothing else he was good for a laugh. At our expense.

      Thanks Jammer5!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2010 | Reply

  6. Yeah, I thought Dubya and Tony were great in Brokeback Mountain. Very cute couple. 😉

    Great stuff as usual dude! Hilarious!

    Comment by Jay | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Now I would have paid to see that! Oh wait, I mean…..oww gross…

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2010 | Reply

  7. “Prevent the evidence just like it was presented to us” hahahaha…. I almost missed that line….

    Where did you find that second photo?

    Comment by nursemyra | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Surprisingly it was on page 3 or 4 of google images. I can usually find the pictures I need right there…without the nasty watermarks.

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  8. You’ve got the Texas accent and lingo down pat, by the way.

    Very funny as always my friend!

    Comment by Candice | February 1, 2010 | Reply

    • I just went off of transcripts of his more unguarded moments. I’m sure they don’t speak like that in the major cities; but do the people from rural areas really sound that bad? If so, you are a diamond….surrounded by rough!

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  9. The funniest thing is that your provincial Bush slang talk fit so damn well, I could hear the bastard talking as I read it. Damn good stuff, Scott. Hilarious!

    Comment by Dan McGinley | February 2, 2010 | Reply

    • I did a lot of reseachin and readin for this one dangerous Danno! I long as you could ‘hear’ his laugh as only Jon Stewart can do it, I’m happy.

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  10. LOL, sure knows how to step on people.

    Comment by Paul Wynn | February 2, 2010 | Reply

    • You know Blar loved it. It’s why they were so close…

      Thanks Paul!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  11. Who’s your secret source? How do you get all this classified information? You’re like Woodward and Bernstein, if they were like one guy, or produced a child.
    I was disappointed that GW wasn’t clearing bush though…

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | February 2, 2010 | Reply

    • haha, I’m sure he was clearing bush not long before and not long after taking the time out to write. How did you know that I am Woodard and Bernstein’s illegitimate son? Damn, you’re as good as me!

      Thanks Rooster!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  12. Scott,

    You know you’re brilliant when a politically ignorant non-American pulls an external oblique from laughing so hard.

    (I may not know my politics, but I sure do know my stomach muscles!)

    I wish I could say something witty and/or thought provoking, but for fear of sounding like the unillustrious GWB himself, I will keep my keystrokes to myself.

    Just know that no matter what Scott, I will never misunderestimate you. For real.

    Comment by bschooled | February 2, 2010 | Reply

    • Stretch B, you know how important a proper warm up and stretch is before exerting yourself. The last thing we need is you to put yourself out of commission before we get our ……(??? Damn, how many businesses are we starting again?) off of the ground.

      You already did say something witty and thought provoking, you already did!

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  13. “You’re doing a great job, Zodi.”

    Comment by fundamentaljelly | February 2, 2010 | Reply

    • Well FJ, it is what it is. And I am the decider, so I guess Mission Accomplished is in order!

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  14. I dunno Scott…Dubya sounds almost coherent in your post. Hee Hee. Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | February 2, 2010 | Reply

    • You have to remember though he did have the help of ‘Word’ so how bad could he really fuck up a letter?

      Thanks Matt-Man!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2010 | Reply

  15. Beautifully done, Scott.

    It’s like Bush is right here in the living room, mispronouncing common English words and staring with confusion at the Internet machine.

    I see this odd equation that we seem to make in the US in relation to our public officials. In a country where farming and ranching is God’s work and somehow better than manufacturing or retail or banking, large amounts of people equate “stupid” with “good.”

    When some sector of the farming industry starts lagging, everyone stops to throw money and sympathy at it while allowing other useful businesses with hundreds of employees to die on the vine. Why? Because simple people farm. And simple people are the best people.

    Well-educated? Try not to talk down to anyone. Tough to do considering the lax educational standards in the US. Better to be considered “dumb” than considered “elitist.”

    Too much education makes you start questioning things like whether the Bible is actually the word of God or start wondering about the curvature of the Earth. People like things to be the way they want them to be. They’d rather not know how they actually are.

    As obtuse as he is, it makes you wonder how he won the election. Well, he didn’t win the first one.

    Still I’d take his obtuse war machine over Gore’s plan for the future. At least Bush would bomb someone else back to the Stone Age rather than turn the clock back on us legislatively.

    So we got eight terrible years of Bush, but at least we didn’t have to suffer through inadequate governance while trying to read our recycled newspaper under the glow of a 5-watt flourescent lightbulb and then climb into our electric car, which would only have the range to make it 2/3’s of the way to work.

    Once there, we could hand machine aluminum and steel by candlelight and punch out with a handwritten timecard before “bike-pooling” back to our collective, stranded vehicles, which had hopefully gathered enough sunlight to get us most of the way home.

    Godspeed, Bush! Simpleton. President. Nose candy enthusiast.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | February 3, 2010 | Reply

    • Wow CLT, you’re back with a bang, and I love it!

      I’ve been completely dumbfounded by the philosophical shift that the US has gone through regarding education as well. How the fuck did the GOP manage to get the dumb, poor, white people so dedicated to the cause of big business? Is the country really becoming that retarded? Personally, I want an elitist president. I want him to be smarter and more educated than the general public, you know, because of the nucl’ear’ arsenal at his fingertips and all. I know for sure that I don’t want somebody with a direct line to a God that apparently hates brown people and believes that he (or she) can ‘hurry up’ the rapture . Elite is good. I want our military to be elite. I even want my fucking barber to be an elite barber for christsakes!

      I have to disagree with you on your second point though. I think that if Gore did get elected there would have been a similar gridlock in legislation that there is now. He would have had a republican majority to deal with after all. The dems have it now, along with the presidency and still can’t get shit done. I don’t think the minimal climate bills he might have gotten passed would have made too much of a difference in our daily lives. But I don’t think that we would have ever invaded Iraq. That would have saved us billions of dollars and kept out forces consolidated in Afghanistan, hopefully allowing us to have wiped out the Taliban and most of Al-Qaida for good. But I do agree with not wanting to have to drive an electric car or read by candlelight. I wouldn’t want to see all of his ideas (or even most) go through. Just the obvious shit. He gets himself all wound up like a little kid with to much candy and meth-amphetamine doesn’t he?

      That’s just my opinion and I very much respect yours. I respect any opinion that is intelligently laid out. I just can’t fucking stand what constitutes public debate today.

      Thanks for the excellent comment CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 3, 2010 | Reply

  16. Geez, for one small moment I thought you called Condi the “turd blossom” that would have been a Freudian slip!!!

    Hmm and as for that photo, that’s George getting on to his new pony !

    Comment by frigginloon | February 3, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m not really sure that nickname wasn’t meant for her. Someone, maybe even Rove himself, told Dubya that it might not be a good idea…

      Thanks Frigginloon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 3, 2010 | Reply

  17. I’m thinkin’ Dubya got the blow and the weed confused. That could explain a lot – including his spelling impediment.

    Comment by Another Desert Rat | February 4, 2010 | Reply

    • I actually think that the doing of the blow and/or weed contributes to the confusion….hahaha

      Thanks Another Desert Rat!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 4, 2010 | Reply


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