Zodi’s Blog

Losers Luck

I know that I’ve delighted many of you (and bored many others to tears) with my personal tales of woe and misfortune. But I’m also one of the luckiest people on earth at times. I guess you gotta take the good with the bad…or something.

An old friend once claimed that I had a golden horseshoe stuck firmly up my ass. Other than the one time I passed out at an Andy Dick party that’s not literally accurate. I think that I’m just more in tune with the subtle rhythms of fate than other people. I’m perceptive to what’s just under the surface of reality, that’s also why I’m so good at poker I think.

The same friend once said that I could lose it all, and a month later end up living in a beach house with a bank account. And that exact thing came to pass. Even though I grew up kind of poor, never inherited a dime, didn’t graduate college, and am not particularly great at anything, I find myself sitting on the beach right now in Spain.  

My Obama pose

 

I’ve been sitting on the warm sand, gazing out onto the crystalline blue water….. “shit this half-naked, morbidly obese women is distracting me…” where was I? Oh yea, tales of luck…..

I was maybe 24 or 25 and had a little ‘numbers’ thing going, I’ve always been a gambler and the work suited me. Anyway, I was driving back from West Virginia where I’d just played a couple thousand dollars worth of Powerball tickets for a few ‘friends.’ As I’m cruising along I-79 feeling the cockiness that you can only fully embrace in the years between 21 and 29, I glance at this little Chevy Citation sputtering along going about 40mph.

This freaking car was loaded to the roof with what looked like trash, but was probably this guy’s only worldly possessions. I guessed that based on the fact that there was a dirty, single mattress tied to his roof as well.

As he turned to look back at me he either smiled or grimaced (it was hard to tell) and I got an eyeful of the tweakers dozen. A partial set of rotten, black, stubbed teeth. His face was filled with the oozing sores commonly associated with meth addiction. He was almost completely bald but what little hair he had was worn in a mullet. I flew by him without another thought; this was the way OUT of West Virginia after all. 

Faces of Meth

This guy, only ugly. And bald. And mulleted.

45 minutes later I slowed to a stop as I hit the city traffic. I looked around and saw the freaking car and the freaking guy…in front of me in the other lane. WTF? He’s got some 80’s song cranked up to full volume, and dude’s in full Jersey Shore fist-pump mode. And this is before it was as cool as it is now.

I thought to myself, “I was going 80 and he was going, at most 50, for the last three quarters of an hour. WTF? Now 5 minutes into gridlock and this fugly bastard beat me? Seriously WTF? Is he a quantum leaper or am I on more drugs than I thought I was on?  Oh well, it must be his lucky day. He apparently doesn’t get many of them so why not ride his wave?”

So like any degenerate gambler I decide to play his license plate. It was some letters-051. That night I played 051 for 10 bucks straight on the daily number. Needless to say it hit straight and I won a nice, respectable 5k!

That night I raised many a toasts to that guy and I hope wherever he is right now he’s cranking some Scorpion on the 8-track, has a bowl packed, and has his fists in the air.

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March 25, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , ,

47 Comments »

  1. For real? That is awesome! You sound like my baby brother. No matter what he lucks into EVERYTHING. Doors open for him everywhere and he makes his spending money on poker. And that IS the Obama pose, LOL! Looking good, Mr. President 😉

    Comment by 3 Men and a Lady | March 25, 2010 | Reply

    • For real, but incredible crazy things have always happened to me too so I guess it balances out. As long as my life isn’t mundane, I’m happy! I wouldn’t mind hitting the lotto for euromilliones either tho.

      Glad you like my Obama pose. It’s actually from last summer….don’t know when he ‘did’ his, but maybe he stole the idea from me…..

      Thanks Mrs. D!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 25, 2010 | Reply

  2. I would say that you look really hot coming out of the water, unfortunately I’m too distracted by those 2 beauts behind you.

    Comment by Candice | March 25, 2010 | Reply

    • Those two beauts were distracting as hell. You should see some of the …not fat, but clinically obese women in skimpy bikinis over here. Sometimes bringing their food into the water with them as well. At least they weren’t naked but it’s still way, way worse than the Caribbean.

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 25, 2010 | Reply

  3. The Chevy driver (and the car and mattress) must have had a doppelganger.

    Comment by nursemyra | March 25, 2010 | Reply

    • I know, but it couldn’t have been. I think (by tweaking) he found a way to time-ish travel…or something.

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 25, 2010 | Reply

      • Tweaking makes you capable of REAL time travel? Oh man, pass me the crack

        Comment by nursemyra | March 26, 2010 | Reply

        • Haha! NM you funny…

          Comment by bschooled | March 27, 2010 | Reply

        • Do they have that on the other side of the world too?

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 27, 2010 | Reply

  4. maybe there’s a whole tribe of them?

    loving your Obama pose
    next time can you do a video in Baywatch slow-mo mode
    that would be so hot/cool

    Comment by dianne | March 25, 2010 | Reply

    • There is a whole tribe Dianne, the Iynu Ice Inhalers. The have trailer parks (they call them reservations) all around Morgantown. Although they are not Native Americans they live almost exactly like them, only instead of revering the sacred earth, they smoke meth all day long. Plus no one is offering them any casinos because they aren’t really ‘good with money.’

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 26, 2010 | Reply

  5. Scott,

    I think that guy was an “alien”….that is the only explanation for his “quantum leap” ahead of you….that or, maybe…yes…you had way too much drugs that night.

    Interesting story,

    Trisho

    http://trishothinks.wordpress.com/

    Comment by trishothinks | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m going to have to seriously consider this alien theory; now that two or more of you have offered it (it’s in the wordpress bylaws). And I mean it does make sense because he looked the part.

      It couldn’t have been drugs because drugs are supposed to give you incredible short term memory. I think.

      Thanks Trisho!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 26, 2010 | Reply

      • Oh…by the way….Nancy Pelosi is an alien too. At least that is my theory.

        Comment by trishothinks | March 26, 2010 | Reply

        • I’ll give you Pelosi, you give me Beck…

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 27, 2010 | Reply

  6. Scott: amazing story and an incredible Obama pose. It’s so lifelike that I can almost see Shepard Fairey lurking at the edges.

    But the answer’s right in front of you, man! (You’ll see why I’ve used the term “man” in a moment.) Area 51! The guy’s trunk is full of alien gear and somewhere behind you, Harry Dean Stanton and Emilio Estevez are desperately trying to close the gap!

    The important thing is that you learned something. Like how to run a Powerball scheme. Or how to exit the water dramatically.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • I hope Fairley is lurking around somewhere; I need a god-damn abstract noun. I’ve been trying to rebrand myself. I was thinking of going with ‘chaos’ or ‘laughter.’ But I need to see the graphics to decide.

      Now that Emilio and HDS are on the case I’ll let it lie. Those are two of the most efficient, competent…..(what are they doing these days?) around today.

      I loved the Powerball thing, the whole ‘job’ really. If they lost I got the juice, which was 10%. If they won, no matter how big, I got 10%. Much like a Morgan Stanley hedge fund manager I could not lose!

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 26, 2010 | Reply

  7. okay, youre a good looking guy- always thought so when i’d see your comments on other blogs. i thought i’d come by to take a look at what thoughts go through the mind of scott. looks pretty interesting, i’ll be back. although daisyfae says blogging is best when intoxicated, (which i am now) i will come by tomorrow when i can read a straight line. 🙂

    Comment by Lynn | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks for the compliment Lynn, but that was last summer. Now I’m fat and bald. So why don’t you always at least have a few drinks before coming to see me. Oh, and a Xanex and anything else you’ve got might help too!

      Thanks Lynn!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • and maybe i will… good idea!

      Comment by Lynn | March 27, 2010 | Reply

      • Remember sharing is caring.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 28, 2010 | Reply

        • *smile* wish i had enough for the class.

          Comment by Lynn | March 28, 2010 | Reply

  8. hang on hang on… let me get this straight…. how did you get the guy’s photo?? is he a serial killer???

    you must excuse my ignorance as I am a vegemite lover hehe

    Comment by Susi Spice | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • I think I found that photo on Faces of Meth which is a Facebook type site linking meth users. They share recipes, extra fluoride toothpaste and skin care secrets. That’s not him though; the guy I saw might have been an alien. (Bylaws being what they are and such.)

      Its funny Susi, my cat keeps coming up and pawing at your avatar when I go to your blog….curious I guess.

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 26, 2010 | Reply

      • omg i tell ya… cats are conspiring against me!!! 😦

        nice putty….

        Comment by Susi Spice | March 26, 2010 | Reply

        • Hmmmm, he has been on the phone all morning….

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 26, 2010 | Reply

  9. either that or he recognises a hot little avatar when he sees one

    lol

    Comment by Susi Spice | March 26, 2010 | Reply

  10. You’re a lucky man Scott and a handsome chap at that. At least you don’t have cuneiform writing all over your forehead.

    Comment by Fundamental Jelly | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks for the compliment FJ, but you should see me now. I can get back in summer shape but I’m not sure how to regenerate hair?

      Holy Shamwow! You may have just proven that he is a time traveling alien after all. Those aren’t meth sores; they’re a crude attempt at communication. Now I just need Robert Langdon.

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • LMAO @ cuneiform writing. SO true!

      Comment by 3 Men and a Lady | March 26, 2010 | Reply

  11. Had a stretch one time where I got a discount coupon from some golf store. Had a scratch-off said, “Must be scratched off in presence of employee So I did that and won a set of golf clubs worth six hundred. Same day, I rode a bike every day; about twenty a day, and always stop at this little sandy beach in La Jolla. Kicked back on the beach, scratching around in the sand, and pull up a rolled up twenty dollar bill. Next day, I find a wallet at work, take it to employee relations. Wallet belonged to the CEO. He gave me fifty for finding it and not emptying it.

    Since then, I’ve basically been screwed. Funny how that works out, huh?

    Comment by jammer5 | March 26, 2010 | Reply

    • It’s amazing to get on rolls like that. When you’re on one you gotta put your name in as many proverbial hats as possible.

      Haha, I’m surprised the rolled up twenty wasn’t inside a kilo of pure disco shit. When I lived on the beach in Florida, I’d always expect to find drugs, guns, lawyers or money wash ashore.

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 27, 2010 | Reply

  12. We must be related, because my sister has that exact same horseshoe up her ass. She’s the only person I know who can enter her name in a draw at the grocery store and end up with a brand new SUV and 50k.

    I agree with FJ, you are one lucky and handsome devil! I just hope you paid it forward and paid for that guy’s forehead reduction surgery. Because, like, WTF?

    Comment by bschooled | March 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Well I hope she at least washed it off before using it. Because gold can retain bacteria and all. Sorry. Back when I lived in the land of grocery store drawings, I always won too. I won a free week at Bally’s super duper health club and endless conversation with their super duper sales staff. Really, you have to admire tenacity like that.

      Thanks for the compliment, I was fishing there! I did pay it forward, but not to that poor guy…him I never saw again. Because I always thought it was bad luck for someone in my line of work to watch ‘Cops.’

      Me, you and your sister have to hit the casinos one night….hit em hard!

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 27, 2010 | Reply

  13. You are charmed, mi amigo. Totally charmed. I feel it in my bones. You mentioned getting a win after my post about Pappy dying, and sure enough, he put a good word in and I won a few bucks. You’ve got the mojo!

    Comment by Dan McGinley | March 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Oh, that’s awesome Dan. And I don’t use that word hardly as much as I did in the 80’s. Now I only use it when something is like off the charts…..awesome. If I were you I’d keep asking him for help, especially with the lotto. All it takes is a few little numbers to come out and you’ll be set for life. And maybe help a brotha out…

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 27, 2010 | Reply

  14. scott, i laughed when i read this post. you have a ncie way of writing..i’m sorry it took me so long to swing by. see ya next time.:-)

    Comment by Lynn | March 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Glad you did stop by Lynn, and I’m gladder you are taking my advise!

      Thanks Lynn!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 28, 2010 | Reply

  15. yo you iz linked to my blog 😀

    Comment by Susi Spice | March 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Right back atcha, you now have an ‘official’ place in my heart…..or…blogroll!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 28, 2010 | Reply

  16. Ha. You know who you are? You’re freakin’ Cosmo Kramer!! Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | March 28, 2010 | Reply

    • I think I’m more of a Costanza. Or, even more accurately Larry David. Are you my Caucasian? Are you my Caucasian?

      Thanks Matt-Man!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 28, 2010 | Reply

      • bhhahaha i agree kramer it is lol

        Comment by Susi Spice | March 28, 2010 | Reply

        • Once you do meet me, you’ll say Larry David….for sure!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 29, 2010 | Reply

  17. Why don’t you use your “luck powers” to save the world?

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | March 29, 2010 | Reply

    • Right after I hit the big jackpot, I’m going to give it the old college dropout try.

      Thanks Rooster!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | March 29, 2010 | Reply


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