Zodi’s Blog

Scott’sNotes

Like Cliffsnotes, only more concise. Oh, and way smarter too. Because I added the apostrophe.      

-War and Peace –Tolstoy calls Napoleon the Antichrist and extols the virtues of hippies.      

-Beloved – Toddlericide is bad. It will come back and make you sad.     

-Deliverance – Dickey arrogantly tries to shove the homophobic agenda down our throats, while trying to predjudice America against small town values. He does teach one valuable lesson however; when you go camping, always be prepared ….bring Vaseline.      

.   

“For my son’s sake Margaret, don’t you have any friends? A guidance counselor? Planned Parenthood clinic? Online forum? Anybody else you can bother with this shit?”

.    

– Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret –Margaret burdens God with a lot of minutia that would have been better answered by her mother. God is not pleased.     

-1984 – George Orwell eerily predicts the Obama presidency and totalitarian regime imposed in the years following. Orwell further proves that he was an adept oracle by predicting the second most popular reality show on CBS.      

– Lolita – A well written and hilarious book about a pedophiliac Russian who tries to seduce a 12 year old American with Vodka and Glee DVD’s. The majestically woven tall tragically ends when Humbert walks into a house expecting Lolita but instead finds Chris Hanson with a camera crew. Unfortunately no one bought the ‘metaphor’ defense and Humbert was sentenced to life in prison.      

– Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen’s scathing biography of Marge Schott looks at the former Reds owner’s internal struggle in deciding whether to own an all Arian team or win.        

– The Divine Comedy – Dante chronicles God’s early, humorous struggles to get The Bible written and published. One scene was particularly hilarious when God and Moses were in a LA bar one night, drunk on the tequila, and got into a fistfight over whether ‘Jonah and the Whale’ should be written as allegory or literal. Spoiler alert- God kicked his ass and took the tip of his penis. The story was to be taken literally.     

– On The Road – Kerouac writes the story of a dirty, beatnik hippy and his son who survive an unnamed apocalypse and are traveling south to find the good marijuana parties. The book was later adapted to the grayest movie ever made by Cormac McCarthy.      

– Native Son – Richard Wright finally finds the conclusive proof that Obama is Kenyan.      

.    

The Origin of lies

.   

– The Origin of Species – Satan aka The Devil Incarnate, uses Charles Darwin as a tool to try to deceive the world about God’s creation. Just another pathetic satanic trick. A very entertaining read if you’re into satire though.      

– For Whom the Bell Tolls – The delightful new up and comer Hemmingway goes on tour with Metallica for one year. Countless zany, side-splitting, hilarity rich moments are the order of the day with this instant classic.      

– A Clockwork Orange – A brilliant children’s book about a witty, orange clock named Alex who has a propensity to get up to all sorts of shenanigans. It certainly does take a village to raise an Alex!

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April 15, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

48 Comments »

  1. And may we add –
    Underworld by American heavy weight Delillo, may take years to read, as the man sure knows how to stretch out a baseball match, but will certainly leave you feeling smarter, and help you sound interesting in the company of literary types

    Comment by RubyTwoShoes | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • That was a great one too. I’ll have to catch up on that because I like feeling smarter, mostly around crackheads, but also around literary types.

      Thanks RubyTwoShoes!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 15, 2010 | Reply

  2. i like Scott’sNotes and not just because you added the apostrophe. it’s true deliverance didn’t do much for us folks who grew up int he south..funny thing is, i didnt see it until about two years ago to find out why.

    Comment by Lynn | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • Believe it or not, Deliverance is one that I haven’t read or seen. Soon as I move back….

      Thanks Lynn!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 15, 2010 | Reply

      • But you have read the book, right?

        Comment by nursemyra | April 15, 2010 | Reply

        • no nurse, it’s one of the few that I’ve missed. Soon as I get back, I’m on it.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 16, 2010 | Reply

  3. I certainly wish I’d had “Scott’s Notes” when I was growing up ’cause it would’ve saved me a lot of literary agony. I would’ve totally by-passed “Are you there God, it’s me, Margaret?” and gone straight for “Lolita.”

    Although, personally, I think after Humbert seals the deal with his underage love interest, the book quickly slides downhill into snooze-ville and even Stanley Kubrick can’t truly save it, (although, I did like Peter Sellers as Clare Quilty – what’s not to love about a guy who can play multiple characters in a single film – Dr. Strangelove – AND Inspector Clouseau – sadly, that doesn’t save the story or the movie).

    [As an aside, if you want some literary laughs, check out “Beowulf on The Beach: What to Love, What to Skip in Literature’s 50 Greatest Hits,” by Jack Murnighan. It’s friggin’ brilliant!]

    Comment by Another Desert Rat | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • I know, right? I actually loved Lolita, but if it were up to me I would have been writing about The Talisman instead. Actually that was one of my first major book reports, the teacher looked at me like I was crazy…and I was.

      I will definitely check out that site since as you can tell, satire is my crack!

      Thanks Desert Rat!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 15, 2010 | Reply

      • You probably dig Evelyn Waugh and Tom Sharpe, too, then! I do love me some satire!

        Comment by Another Desert Rat | April 16, 2010 | Reply

        • I’ll have to check out Waugh, but I defintely dig Sharpe. I even dig Colbert.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 16, 2010 | Reply

    • Careful there Desert Rat, you’re criticising one of my favourite books and films 😉

      Comment by nursemyra | April 15, 2010 | Reply

      • But Nursemyra, don’t you think that as a work of literature, the greatness of “Lolita” is found in the build-up – the tension during the first third of the book. Nabokov is brilliant! His visuals are amazing (like when Lolita is sitting on Humbert’s lap). The remaining portion of the book, however, lacks that tension and imagination. I may have over-simplified by saying it’s “snooze-ville,” but it’s not nearly as compelling. I could have happily picked up something else (and often do so).

        Love Kubrick’s films. He was a creative genius.

        Comment by Another Desert Rat | April 16, 2010 | Reply

  4. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve only read 1 of these and watched 2 as movies. Deliverance is one of them and it makes me very skeered of Appalachia!

    Comment by Mrs. D | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • I told myself I was going to re(read) the top 100 books of all time. Then, we moved here and I wasn’t about to do that without a library. It’s bad enough the money I spend on books. With the library system though, you should D, at least the ones that interest you.

      Thanks Mrs. D!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 15, 2010 | Reply

  5. Glee DVDs and homophobic agenda killed me!!
    actually I’m sure there are many who think those 2 things are related

    damn Morgan looks good in white

    more brilliance Scott, you’re freakin’ wonderful

    Comment by dianne | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • Which two things are related Dianne…Glee and homophobia or Glee and Kill?

      It was either Morgan or Burns so you know who my choice had to be. Besides, I could definitely picture Morgan as God…for real.

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 15, 2010 | Reply

  6. mr grotty scotty….guess what i have delivered to your inbox… hehe 😀

    uve got mail

    Comment by Susi Spice | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, I saw and I was shocked! Now you’ve got to get on those other pictures we talked about….lol

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 15, 2010 | Reply

      • what other pictures??? lol

        Comment by Susi Spice | April 15, 2010 | Reply

        • I was hoping for one of you (wearing sunglasses and overalls) atop a bright red, carousel horse with all the other riders being angry clowns shot in the dead of night……

          It would so cool!

          Thanks, and I do mean thanks Susi!!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 16, 2010 | Reply

  7. Marge Shott – Now there’s a blast from the past and an excellent analysis of the book title.

    Comment by David | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • I wonder where she is now? I was going to go with the republican party but then I realized that was way too obvious.

      Thanks David!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 15, 2010 | Reply

  8. I haven’t read most of these because they are banned from our local library. Except “Deliverance” and it’s in the “Documentary” section.

    Okay, I admit that I did like “Lolita” too. It has nothing to do with my watching a 12 year old Natalie Portman in “Leon” over and over again either. Okay, maybe that crossed over from “humor” to “creepy.” Sorry. haha

    Great stuff as usual Scott! Very funny.

    Comment by Jay | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • The funny/scary thing is I’ve been trying to decide if you’re kidding (about the banning) ever since I read your comment last night. I think you are….

      No, Lolita was great Jay, I loved that one. Was Leon the movie about the assassin? I loved that, had no idea that was little Portman….

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 16, 2010 | Reply

  9. Your version of For Whom the Bell Tolls sounds way better than Hemingway’s.

    Did the earth move for you darlin’?

    Comment by nursemyra | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • I forgot that line kind of originated in that book. For me though, on a good day, only about 1038 –ish miles….an hour is a long time for me these days,,,

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 16, 2010 | Reply

  10. These are spot-on funny Scott. How about one more?

    -Walden – Where, after spending two years at Walden Pond, Henry David Thoreau returns to work in a pencil factory, but exclaims “that all the stuff I said in the book still goes.”

    I like.

    Comment by Fundamental Jelly | April 15, 2010 | Reply

    • I thought you’d enjoy this one FJ, I did as well.

      The Walden was incredible as well. I’m kind of doing my own Henry David Thorough thing right now myself. Except I do have internet.

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 16, 2010 | Reply

  11. Wow, Scott. Those are superb. Makes me regret all the time I wasted actually reading some of those (repeatedly in the case of “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret”).

    I did wonder about “The Road.” The taglines were: First We Lost Our Way of Life. Then We Lost Our Color Spectrum.” It’s like every dystopian future: colorless and dour. Like an evening with the grandparents and their old Philco.

    Looking forward to another edition of this, Scott. If nothing else, you’ll be angling for a book-synopsis deal. Or maybe some work with the Comcast movie reviewers, who have some wonderful synoposes of their own…

    http://wtfcomcast.tumblr.com/

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | April 16, 2010 | Reply

    • You read that book more than once? Wow, I thought I had it rough.

      I loved The Road in print, I love McCarthy, but unlike No Country I didn’t enjoy the movie. People did, just not me. I moved out of PA because I can’t handle the color gray, I don’t enjoy seeing it on my screen for two hours either.

      I’m looking forward to writing more of these as well, especially when I can get more up to date. Thanks for the link, I love that shit…as you well know/

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 16, 2010 | Reply

  12. Ha. Funny, and quite a good idea for a post. Cheers Scott…um…Scott’s…er…Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | April 16, 2010 | Reply

    • Wait till I get ahold of the greats of poetry buddy,

      Thanks Matt-Man!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 16, 2010 | Reply

  13. Geez Scotty, I must rent Clockwork Orange next time I babysit some little snowflakes, sounds awesome! It makes me feel like singing in the rain while I kick the shit out of some elderly fruit!

    Comment by frigginloon | April 16, 2010 | Reply

    • Awww, you guys will love it! My mom found that Dr. Seuss way too violent so read Kubrick instead. And there was no better way to enjoy my Saturday morning cereal than the film version. I turned out ok.

      Thanks Frigginloon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 17, 2010 | Reply

  14. I think Lolita is my favorite… that Chris Hansen always gets his man when it comes to predatory pedophilia. I think I just saw the teaser for this episode last night. Journalism at it’s best!

    Comment by Candy | April 16, 2010 | Reply

    • He does always get his man Candy. Which is why I’m starting a letter writing campaign to get him to start setting up priests. It’ll be more time intensive but great TV demands attention.

      Thanks Candy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 17, 2010 | Reply

  15. First of all, Scott, I’d like to thank you for the advice on adding apostrophes for fun and profit…’ (cha-ching!)

    Second of all, I have to agree; your Scott’sNotes kick some serious ass on the CliffNotes. Or, as we call them in Canada, Coles Notes (no apostrophe either, although there is an ingeniously-placed space between the words).

    I find it sad that even though I consider myself a practiced reader (it’s the only way you can keep your reading skills from going rusty,) I’ve only read three of these, which is why I guess it’s even more important you write notes about them. But you can bet your witty shenanigan-filled orange clock that I’ll be going to the bookstore today to get my hands on a copy of this Lolita book. (You know how I feel about Chris Hansen and his hilarity-ensuing candid-camera antics.)

    Brilliant post, Scott. I’m looking forward to future installments of “Concise Notes to Whatever the Opposite of Concise is” books…

    Comment by bschooled | April 16, 2010 | Reply

    • People often underestimate the money making potential of the well placed apostrophe. It doesn’t even have to be used correctly (just look at my earlier work) as long as it’s well placed. I wonder, is there money to be made on your ingeniously placed spaces? I can’t figure it out, because a space is actually…nothing, and how do you make money off of nothing? I’ll have to ask Bernie Madoff or Goldman Sachs for advice on that.

      Now you’ve either given me an idea or a set me up for a lawsuit as well. I wonder who would win in a cage match…Hansen con camera crew or Alex and his buddies. I’m making the appropriate phone calls right now.

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 17, 2010 | Reply

  16. Atlas Shrugged: Ayn Rand makes a bunch of money, invents Derivatives and collapses the worlds economy. She then becomes a talk show host on Fox.

    A tale of Two Cities: Michelle Bachmann, from St Paul, and Al Franken, from Minneapolis, meet in the octagon. Tapout sponsors the bout. Winner will be decided at a later date after the judges get paid off.

    Comment by jammer5 | April 16, 2010 | Reply

    • These were great Jammer but you’re stealing all my future thunder damnit!

      Using St. Paul/Minni ‘in’ A Tale of Two Cities was brilliant.

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 17, 2010 | Reply

      • I left you the lightening 🙂

        Comment by jammer5 | April 17, 2010 | Reply

  17. More! More! More! You gotta do a Scott’s Notes series, bro. This is too good. Weird thang . . . I saw Deliverance the other night and it still has a freaky aura about it. Definately Burt Reynold’s best movie besides the football stuff. Great archery scene. GREAT POST!!!

    Comment by Dan McGinley | April 17, 2010 | Reply

    • I plan on doing more; these are just the type of posts (lazy) that I love. I’ve somehow never seen or read Deliverance; I’ll have to make it a point to watch it. I want to read some of the top 100 that I’ve missed but Spain doesn’t have libraries….soon come I guess.

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 17, 2010 | Reply

  18. hey grottyscotty,

    thought you might enjoy knowing a little more about Byron Bay 🙂 here you go! ive inbedded 2 vids so you can see it from different points of views

    Comment by Susi Spice | April 18, 2010 | Reply

    • Very, very cool Susi I’m sold! Now can you just get me emigrated? I’d love to live in Oz…….

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 18, 2010 | Reply

      • i think that would count as polygamy… LOL

        Comment by Susi Spice | April 19, 2010 | Reply

  19. I might have finished school had you only published this series back in the day.

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | April 19, 2010 | Reply

    • Shit, I might have started school if I had published this series….who knew it could be so easy?

      Thanks Rooster!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 19, 2010 | Reply


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