Zodi’s Blog

Seven

I’ve never done a meme, but since Dave tagged me I guess I have to. I won’t tag anybody back but if you want to do it then just consider yourself served. So here goes….

1- Everyone who has ever had the pleasure of corresponding with me, be it by phone, email, or messaging knows that I have to leave the last message or get the last word. I don’t know if it’s an OCD thing but I have to respond to every single message that is sent to me. If someone writes back “Ok, I’ll see you there.” I’ll write back again “ok, cool.” I will never quit. If I ever ran across someone with the same compulsion we’d end up sending each other one, one-word message a day until the apocalypse. –Please do not use this as an excuse to fuck with me.

2- My parents were too lazy to give me a middle name. I got the nickname Zodi from an Italian uncle. No one ever knew where it came from or what it meant. My family was…..like that.

.

.

3- I grew up very Henry Hill-ish. All of my heroes were gangsters, and I’m half-Irish and half-Italian. Half of the people I grew up with are dead or in jail. I’m lucky as hell to not be as well, with the situations I put myself in way back when. I guess somebody upstairs loves me like a fat chick loves Ice Cream..(apologies to 50 Cent.)

The major difference between Hill and me is that I never ratted on anybody in my life. I’ve taken many hits for it but as Omar (The Wire) would say, “It’s all in the game baby.”

Although I’ve changed almost everything about myself, I still root for the bad guys on TV, in movies and sometimes still in real life. I almost cried when Gotti died. I can’t help it.

4- Every time I’ve had my IQ tested it has fallen between 158 and 165. You wouldn’t know this by watching me try to put together an IKEA coffee table or try to ‘solve for X’ though. I’m not particularly great at anything actually. My best test scores were always based on reading comprehension and language skills. I found that these skills are great for blogging but aren’t too useful for earning money. I’d have preferred to be a math whiz so I could have had a career with Goldman Sachs at a couple hundred million a year.

5- People often ask me why I no longer drink. While I’m not a traditional alcoholic (I don’t even believe in alcoholism as it is currently defined) I did have major problems with drinking. I never did drink everyday but towards the end I’d end up binge drinking. It’s like once alcohol hit my system I’d turn into a little demon. I looked back over my life and realized that it never did give me genuine pleasure. I realized that it was doing the exact opposite of what I always thought it did do for me. It was extraordinarily easy for me to quit and I’ve never once had a craving for it. So why in the world would I ever go back? But I’m perfectly willing to chew up some percs and vics if you’re willing to use the postal service…  

I’m actually in the process of writing a little e-book that I hope will help other people to realize that they can quit easily and painlessly without becoming dependant on a cult-like support group.

6- I’ve studied Buddhism, Zen and Taoism, I read Chopra and Tolle, and I feel that I’ve achieved a formidable level of enlightenment. When I’m alone.

When I’m forced to interact with people (that I don’t want to) my enlightenment diminishes quicker than Tom Cruise’s sex drive when Travolta leaves the room and Katie enters it. I become annoyed and pointlessly irritated. I guess I’m like a Buddha with Asperger’s.    

7- I’m not enjoying aging. My hair is thinning, it’s getting harder to eat 6 large meals a day and stay in shape, and all my old injuries are catching up to me. It’s really, honestly starting to piss me off, I don’t like it, and I wish it would just fucking stop!

.

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And in news that is sadly, not about me, I found a fantastic website as well as a great idea for what to do with my money when I’m not using it to wipe asses or light fires….Give it to God’s favorite tool Stephen Baldwin! Restore Stephen Baldwin believes that Stephen is the modern day Job. It never mentions Stevie’s unwillingness to get a job. But would you work when you can just beg money off of idiots all day instead? Me neither. For the highest hilarity go to ‘Our Purpose’ then click on Q & A for some of the most entertaining material ever written.

Really, I urge you to take the time to visit and donate. Because remember, if you want to be a good Christian, “fuck the starving orphans in Africa; give your cash to a Baldwin brother.”

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April 24, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

71 Comments »

  1. Irish/Italian ??? I’ll bet you could pull ONE HELL of a drunk !!!

    This post REALLY moved me. People – PLEASE HELP THE UNINTELLIGENT LESS ATTRACTIVE BALDWIN BROTHER – HE NEEDS YOUR LOVE !!!

    Comment by HEFF | April 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Yea, it’s not the best DNA in the world to have. Every male member of my dad’s family was dead by 50.

      I honestly feel bad for Alec. Even if he is an asshole, he’s a funny as hell asshole and doesn’t deserve that family.

      Thanks Heff!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 24, 2010 | Reply

  2. “A Buddhist with Asperger’s” LOL! 😉

    I could have done without that pic of Stephen Baldwin. That’s kinda creepy.

    I root for the gangsters most of the time too. Of course, in the movies you’re supposed to root for the gangsters. At least in good Scorsese films anyway. haha

    Comment by Jay | April 24, 2010 | Reply

    • I don’t know if you saw him on Celebrity Apprentice, or especially UK Big Brother but he is the creepiest guy I’ve met since I had that sit down with Manson and Dahmer in Prison. He will melt your brain…

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 24, 2010 | Reply

  3. So this restore Stephen Baldwin thing….christianity = bankruptcy?

    Comment by David | April 24, 2010 | Reply

    • No, I wouldn’t say that at all David. I thing more like being a moronic tool = bankruptcy. Plus he used to be a crackhead so that couldn’t have done any good….

      Thanks David!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 25, 2010 | Reply

  4. “A wise guy uh?”

    Well, you are an interesting guy, which is a good thing.

    Comment by Fundamental Jelly | April 25, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m interesting how? What the f**k is so interesting about me? haha.

      No I was only ever on the periphery, never on the ball team.

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 25, 2010 | Reply

  5. Well I know feel seven steps closer to you, which means I may as well share with you that I too am very skilled in not earning any money, rooting for the ‘under dog’ (as we like to say in these parts), and giving the deadbeats (literally, they are dead!) and criminals of my past a wide birth.
    But sadly, I cannot claim to be as well read as you given I only even read Mills and Boon, James Paterson and Dr Phil’s website…

    Comment by rubyTwoShoes | April 25, 2010 | Reply

    • You are now 7 steps closer to me. A few thousand more and you’ll be beating down my door any day now! That’s awesome that you’re so skilled at being broke as well. If we teamed up we could really, really make nothing happen.

      I’m not as well read as you may think either, how else could I make fun of Patterson so well if hadn’t read him…

      Thanks RubyTwoShoes!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 25, 2010 | Reply

  6. that would be ‘know’ with a silent ‘k’, by the way…

    Comment by rubyTwoShoes | April 25, 2010 | Reply

  7. The world could have done with one less Baldwin
    Fucking asshole, and very slimy as well

    I love your description of getting annoyed and irritated in groups of people – I have a similar experience
    I’m accepting and friendly and kind yet I often feel like decapitating people and feeding their heads to Stephen Baldwin

    Selfishly I’m thrilled that you’re so good at language skills – your blog is fucking brilliant

    I’m French, Irish, Russian
    I root for the stocky gangstas who are drunk and have a sexy attitude

    Comment by dianne | April 25, 2010 | Reply

    • Yea, I think the world could’ve done well with 3 or 4 fewer Baldwins. I’d take Alec who is a fucking genius and throw the rest back. 30 Rock wouldn’t even be on the air much less so popular without him.

      Thanks for all the sweet compliments; you are making me blush in all the right places.

      French, Irish and Russian huh? My lord you must be a handful of fun in the sack…

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 25, 2010 | Reply

  8. theres a funny australian movie called Wog Boy.. (guido boys to you yanks) so funny. One character, dodgy mafia kinda guy ofcourse who says “eh im half bosnian half croatian..when i wake up i want to kill myself” hehe.

    funny thing about always having the last word, that would make it very frustrating for your wife if you have a fight lol

    Comment by Susi Spice | April 25, 2010 | Reply

    • I’ll have to check out that movie, I’m fond of your entertainment industry over there.

      I don’t even mean the last word with fighting (although that’s true too) I mean with email and FB messages mainly. I can’t stand the thought that I blew someone off…like that.

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 25, 2010 | Reply

      • always happy to comment on your blog scotty! thanks!

        Comment by Susi Spice | April 26, 2010 | Reply

        • No, thank you…but you’re still welcome!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 26, 2010 | Reply

          • its not a problem scotty, always a pleasure 😀

            Comment by Susi Spice | April 26, 2010 | Reply

            • Uh oh, I’m starting to get a feeling about this…haha.

              Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010 | Reply

              • what feeling? no feeling scotty 😀 its all good!

                Comment by Susi Spice | April 27, 2010 | Reply

                • I’m glad it’s good Susi. I’d hate if it were bad.

                  Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010 | Reply

                  • of course you would would never want u to think anything i do is bad… 😀

                    Comment by Susi Spice | April 27, 2010 | Reply

                    • Nothing you ever could or would do could or would be bad.

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010

                    • you are correct scotty! 😀

                      Comment by Susi Spice | April 30, 2010

                    • I have a need to be right.

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 1, 2010

                    • well ill let u just this one time.

                      Comment by Susi Spice | May 1, 2010

                    • I always knew you were a sweet girl. And that’s on the real!

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 2, 2010

                    • aww thanks scotty

                      Comment by Susi Spice | May 2, 2010

                    • You are forever welcome!

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 2, 2010

                    • no no..youre welcome! 😀

                      Comment by Susi Spice | May 3, 2010

                    • Well then thanks. For allowing me to be welcome.

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 3, 2010

                    • oh no pls you are most welcome for that. so kind 😀

                      Comment by Susi Spice | May 3, 2010

                    • How do you make an emoticon?

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 3, 2010

                    • i make em with special susi spice magic! 😛 😉 😀

                      just use the : and the ) or ( and D to make the faces, it should auto translate.

                      Comment by Susi Spice | May 3, 2010

                    • Aww it doesn’t do it for me it just sometimes makes little boxes….. 🙂 🙂
                      And sometimes not.

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 4, 2010

                    • see it worked! well done! 😀

                      Comment by Susi Spice | May 4, 2010

                    • But it never worked any other time…

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 5, 2010

                    • maybe i gotz da mitas touch? hehe

                      Comment by Susi Spice | May 6, 2010

                    • Get a friggin room 😦

                      Comment by jammer5 | May 6, 2010

                    • You definitely have some…kinda touch:)

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 6, 2010

                    • This is a room. And I can’t make my faces anymore 🙂

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | May 6, 2010

                    • jammers, no worries there… i dont do married men until I marry my own man. lol then i will do him and only him.

                      Comment by Susi Spice | May 7, 2010

  9. Nice “meme”; I feel like we just went on a road trip together. Holy schmidt on the ‘Restore Baldwin’ site. I’ve never seen anything that stupid and pretentious in all my life. God makes a lot of people crazy…

    Comment by Ramblin' Rooster | April 26, 2010 | Reply

    • What has this been if not a one year road trip? That’s a great way to look at it Rooster.

      I’m very surprised that people haven’t learned that they have to take God in moderation; too much God is a lot like too much PCP…bad things can happen.

      Thanks Rooster!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 26, 2010 | Reply

  10. You want to hear something crazy? Numbers one, four and the second part of six could have been written by me, word for bloody word.

    In school, teachers were always shocked at the results of my IQ tests, I’m guessing because they just assumed I was mildly retarded…

    Oh, and one more thing, I root for the bad guys on TV too. But only because I keep thinking that maybe I can somehow reform them. For some reason I just can’t bear the idea of someone having absolutely no remorse whatsoever.

    Fantastic meme, Scott. I can’t wait to read the e-book!

    Comment by bschooled | April 26, 2010 | Reply

    • That is crazy B, crazy like a fox haha.

      My teachers were always surprised too. I did get really good grades until 9th or 10th grade when life started getting crazy. The year I graduated I missed 60 full days of school. I think that may be a record.

      I don’t think the bad guys don’t have a conscience…I don’t like sociopaths, I just see their point of view. Like every body talks about the drug dealers in the ghetto, but if that’s all you’ve ever known what the hell else you gonna do?

      I send the book to you first!

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 26, 2010 | Reply

  11. I’ve always found you to be thankfully unique. Can you imagine if everyone was like you?

    Comment by Claire Collins | April 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Well thank you Claire. If everyone were like me the world would be an entertaining, but very unproductive place.

      Thanks Claire!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 26, 2010 | Reply

  12. I was watching the movie version of Grey Gardens not so long ago and one of the Baldwins is in it.

    “which Baldwin is that?” I asked

    “Dunno” said my friend “just one of the lesser ones I think”

    Comment by nursemyra | April 26, 2010 | Reply

    • I’ve never even heard of that movie, so it must have been one of the lesser Baldwins. Was it any good?

      That is a fantastic line. I wonder if it was ever used on a Kennedy?

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010 | Reply

  13. Well, Scott, that answered all the questions I never thought of asking you, including who was keeping an eye on Stephen Baldwin’s soul. It’s a good thing someone is, or his career might be in the toilet.

    Anyway, I’m glad you didn’t forward the “Heavy 7” in my direction as I think my answers wouldn’t have been even 1/2 as funny (cause it’s true) or 1/4 as insightful.

    As the kids say, “I’m praying for you.” It seems the least I could do. The absolute least.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | April 26, 2010 | Reply

    • I know…right? We had the pleasure (ahem) of watching UK Big Brother over here and dude also needs to come out of the closet. Maybe even the NAMBLA closet.

      Why don’t you pretend I laid the heavy seven upon you, I’d love to hear your answers. I’m sure they’d all be way more mathematically interesting and insightful (maybe even psychic..) than mine.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010 | Reply

  14. Hey, can’t Baldwin scab money off one of his rich relis or maybe get a friggin job? He should be sending us money for the pain and suffering caused from watching The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas. Dumbass!

    Comment by frigginloon | April 26, 2010 | Reply

    • or better yet loon a Dunboass!

      Comment by Susi Spice | April 26, 2010 | Reply

      • Blahahahaa nothing worse than a dunboass 🙂

        Comment by frigginloon | April 27, 2010 | Reply

        • ok what the hell is a dunboass?

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010 | Reply

          • lol ask bearman

            Comment by Susi Spice | April 27, 2010 | Reply

            • Can’t you tell me?

              Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010 | Reply

              • of course I can, again and again and again…

                i mispelt a word once and bearman came up with the word Dunbo to describe me and anyone else who mispells words..

                Comment by Susi Spice | April 27, 2010 | Reply

                • Ahh you meant the physic or psychic? I’ll be a dunboass until the day I die. I’m horrible.

                  Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 28, 2010 | Reply

                  • lol yay now your part of our team hehe 😀 The Dunboass Team!

                    Comment by Susi Spice | April 28, 2010 | Reply

                    • When do I get the jersey?

                      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 28, 2010

              • To be more precise Scott, Susi Spice was pulling the piss on someone and instead of calling them a “dumbo” she typed in “dunbo”

                Comment by frigginloon | April 29, 2010 | Reply

                • lol sanku for that clarification loon… u had to rat me out didnt u!

                  Comment by Susi Spice | April 29, 2010 | Reply

                  • If only you could edit comments huh Susu?

                    Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 29, 2010 | Reply

                • I knew there was more of a story to it!

                  Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 29, 2010 | Reply

    • I think the relis that are worth a shit (that would only be one …Alec) already know that he’s pretty much a piece of shit. Thank god I’ve never had to watch either of those train wrecks. He was ok in The Usual Suspects but he was carried by the unbelievable talent surrounding him.

      Thanks Loon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010 | Reply

  15. Ha…I used to do the perpetual email thing but finally cured myself of it, and I am down with the Tao. Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | April 27, 2010 | Reply

    • I especially do it with my daughter because I never want the conversation to end. So at the end of every email, I’ll ask some totally irrelevant question to keep it going. I think I do it with everybody else too…compulsion.

      Thanks Matt-Man!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | April 27, 2010 | Reply

  16. Just back from hols and sprinting around the blogosphere to catch up with friends.

    I feel a little guilty for flushing out such a detailed confession, but man you have been there and I respect your honesty. Bright old bugger as well, MENSA material in britland! (Might do for our next prime-minister as well, all offers currently open!)

    Will try and call back to update on other posts but there were 350 emails to sift through!

    Comment by Dave Hambidge | May 9, 2010 | Reply


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