Zodi’s Blog

Why I Owe Shaq More Than I’m Willing To Pay….And Why I Save Kittens.

 In 1999 I was making good money from both the turnpike job and from being a bookie. I had also been on a string of good luck for the past several months. So I started getting really reckless with my gambling.    

What could go wrong?    

The problem with gambling is that when you win it all tends to go to strippers, coke and vacations dancers, rum and cokes and vacations. But when you lose it comes out of your pocket. But since I was a bookie, I usually had a lot of leeway.      

Nothing I could possibly write here could make this any more fantastically awesome than it already is.

The roller coaster week in question I was up close to 15k, counting what I figured people were going to owe me by the end of the week. That’s when I got greedy. I put 20k on something…maybe the Toronto Baptist Bible College’s badminton team… I can’t remember. I do remember thinking to myself, “Holy shit I’m going to be rich! I am the best and smartest gambler in the history of gambling! They are going to make movies about me and everyone is going to be like, “That Scott is the best gambler ever!” at the end! I’ll bet Scorsese will make me look cool…probably get Johnny Depp to play me. No, he’d probably want me to play me! My mind sure does use a lot of exclamation points! After I win this I’ll be up 30 fucking thousand dollars and I’ll buy tons of coke rum and cokes and all the strippers will stand back in awe of my ability to ‘make it rain.’ Maybe I’ll buy a Mercedes and a helicopter (I was never good at knowing my financial boundaries). Or I’ll buy 50 thousand (horrible math again) remote control helicopters and drop money and coke rum and cokes on all the strippers in Pittsburgh! I am so fucking awesome!”          

But I lost.    

I guess the Toronto Baptist Bible College got out badmintoned that day.    

Then people who I thought were going to lose (and owe me) ended up winning. As I was now down serious money and drunk on adrenaline and vodka, mostly vodka, I made a few more bets that would have made window lickers stop licking their respective windows just long enough to comment on how stupid these bets were.    

And I ended up down over 15k.    

I thought to myself, “Fuck.”    

The inside of my brain began to feel itchy, greasy and panicky. But I knew I had a way out because I am the legendary, genius gambler who Martin Fucking Scorsese is someday going to make a movie about.  I just had to find a sure thing, double down and win my money back.    

So pushing aside any uncertainty and fear, I adeptly convinced myself that I’d found an Absolute Sure Thing akin to ‘eggs are good for you’ or ‘Jesus Christ is a staunch republican who goes to gay marriages just to spit on the cake and shake his head disapprovingly,’ and put 15K on the Lakers who were giving 4 points to Portland in the NBA playoffs. Shaq and Kobe were finally starting to gel like some coagulated love-juice of unknown origin stuck to a giant purple and yellow dildo under a bunkbed at the Los Angeles YMCA in 1972.    

Jesus says, “Take up your portfolio and follow me.”

Still, after I called it in I got itchy and sweaty again. Since I had to work that night I figured that I’d wait until the second half to check on the score. By that time I was sure that the Lakers would be up by 87 points and Kobe would have stabbed Scotty Pipen’s ego in the face with a floury of humiliating dunks.    

I was in my tollbooth patiently helping customers figure out what combination of quarters came closest to 50 cents when I finally turned on my little 7 inch plastic TV.    

And saw that the Lakers were down 18 points late in the 3rd quarter.    

I gently ripped my poor little plastic TV out of it’s cute little cubbyhole and slammed it into the ground. I began stomping it while tears of rage were streaming down my face. During the next 15 minutes I wept, cleaned up the tiny pieces of plastic from my poor little murdered TV, threw up violently in the trash can, wept, took out the pukey trash can and told my boss I had to go home.     

I then drove towards home in a semi blackout. I remember turning on my car radio to hear that the Lakers were still down 13 points and it was now the 4th quarter. I remember trying to stab my car radio to death with a Bic pen while still furiously weeping, then trying to clumsily punch the radio and making my hand bleed. I remember throwing up (mostly) out the window while driving 90 mph down the highway.    

When I got to my exit I stopped at a local bar to drink myself to death. I ordered 5 shots of vodka on ice and tried my hardest not to weep or puke anymore in public while chugging the Stoli rather stoically. I ordered another.    

I noticed that the game was on at the bar. Before I could pick up my chair to throw at the TV, I saw that the Lakers were now, magically and miraculously up 3 with only 2 or 3 seconds on left the clock and Shaq at the free throw line. Without boring those of you who don’t follow basketball, Shaq was about as good at free throwing as Israel is at hosting regattas.    

I remember making lots of promises to God in those next few moments. Promises involving doing fewer strippers and coke rum and coke related activities and doing more soup kitchen volunteering and kitten rescuing related activities.    

Please be gentle...?

I know that at that point I would have allowed Shaq to anally rape me at mid court at the Forum to a standing ovation while the loudspeakers were playing We Will Rock You by Queen, if he managed to just drop those two shots.      

I don’t know if Shaq heard my desperate thoughts and thought to himself, “I’ve never raped a small white man in the ass… that might be fun,” or if God just doesn’t want strippers to go to college but Shaq made both shots, completing the most improbable and unlikely end to a sporting event since Cindy Lauper forced Andre The Giant to perform fellatio on her at Wrestlemania in 1985.    

Best Wrestlemania ever! And the last time I watched wrestling.

Anyway, I got out of it. God only knows what kind of misfortune would have befallen me had I lost….but it probably would have involved at least some form of unpleasantness combined in some way with assholes.     

Since that day I’ve been a hell of a lot more cautious with my bets. And now I only tip strippers enough to pursue their GED. And no more coke ….or rum even.    

And I hope Shaq doesn’t read this.

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June 6, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , ,

73 Comments »

  1. I do so hope that is a tall tale, but I fear there’s autobiography in there?

    Comment by davehambo | June 6, 2010 | Reply

    • Other than my well known propensity for exaggeration it’s all true. I may have screwed up a few minor details ie; Cyndi Lauper, but that’s because it was so long ago. I would have owed well over 30 grand if Shaq had missed. For real.

      Thanks Dave!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 6, 2010 | Reply

  2. Now that was roflmfao funny. Bwhaaaaaaaaa

    Comment by Lisa | June 6, 2010 | Reply

    • It is to me as well Lisa…. now anyway.

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 6, 2010 | Reply

  3. You have to be famous FIRST and then they make a movie about your downfall. That or you get on True Hollywood Stories.

    Comment by bearman | June 6, 2010 | Reply

    • This may have been right after I had seen Let it Ride and I had that thought in my head. Besides Sam Rothstein was a great gambler and they made a movie about him….shit, nevermind you’re right.

      Thanks Bearman!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 6, 2010 | Reply

  4. So I clicked on the OCD tag and it just occurred to me….you were that guy on Freshly Pressed a couple weeks ago. Wow, that is soooo not too shabby!

    Comment by Lisa | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • Yea I got lucky with that freshly pressed dealio. Unfortunately the vast majority of my posts are extremely unpressable through no fault of my own.

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  5. bhahahaha the wait was worth it for this story. i imagined it as if it were a movie haha. the smashing tv incident reminded me of that scene in Cool Runnings when John Candy lost a horse race and he gets the pool cue and smashes the radio with it hahaha

    well I guess God heard you that time and obviously he likes kittens..i think thats the promise that got you over the line haha.

    Comment by Susi Spice | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • I thought you might enjoy this one Susi. It was one of those fork moments where those few seconds affected which way my life was going to roll from that point forward.

      I think I paid God back by about 05 but I still save the kittehs and doggahs because I’m cool like that. And I’m building future karma.

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

      • i loved it hahaha at the time I would have been sitting by you (aged about 10) laughing at your fork in the road.. now I still laugh lol good story good story

        Comment by Susi Spice | June 7, 2010 | Reply

        • Oh my God, don’t tell me you were 10 when I was 26. That is so wrong.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

          • i think i miscalculated…1999… i lied… i was 17 going on 18 lol

            dont worry scotty ive always liked an older man 😛

            Comment by susispice | June 10, 2010 | Reply

            • Well that’s a lot better than 10!

              Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 10, 2010 | Reply

              • yeah i was dating a guy who was 25 that year… that was a bad year… he broke my heart.. but glad i kicked his ass to the kerb! lol

                Comment by Susi Spice | June 10, 2010 | Reply

  6. Hahahahaha!!!!

    Brilliant! I can’t wait for this to hit “Freshly Pressed.” Especially the part about the “coagulated love-juice of unknown origin stuck to a giant purple and yellow dildo…” That’ll pull in some underage viewers/readers! (They’re underage so they may only look at the pictures.)

    That or the Shaq rape. That’ll bring in the uninitiated and initiate the hell out of them fairly quickly. Good god yes.

    This should be made required reading for all those miserable souls who think that stuff doesn’t need to be “profane” to be “funny.” As fucking if. Haven’t they ever read P.J. O’Rourke? Or Something Awful? How can anyone think those two things are mutually exclusive? They’re like chocolate and motherfucking peanut butter smeared all over the nether regions of Cyndi Lauper.

    Still laughing, Scott. It’s funny cause it’s ultra-reality.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • I knew that if anyone could, you could appreciate the classic subtleties of the Laker’ purple and yellow dildo. We’ve got everything from OJ’s strange memorabilia collection to Kobe’s (alleged) rape to Phil Jackson’s propensity to act like a ‘tool.’ I’m just glad your eye caught those barely perceptible undertones.

      I’ve always been a huge fan of profanity; ‘fuck’ just adds that extra emphasis of umph that 59 well placed exclamation points just never reach. I learned the value from Andrew Dice Clay and Dennis Miller before they both became giant fucking dildo’s dripping love juice of unknown origins.*

      *Spoiler alert- It now appears that Miller’s ‘lovejuice’ is in fact some sort of expulsion from the penis of a Bill O’Reilly.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  7. What a great, great (harrowing!) story, Scott!! Literally on the edge of my chair, leaning in, holding my breath, mouth agape, furrowed brow…I mean I was really INTO the story. I live in Vegas and never allow myself more than $20 at the slot machines (which I play 3-4 times a year). If I am up $5 or $10, I immediately quit even if I have only played 2 minutes. Losing 30K would make me suicidal. Oh, wait, I’m down 140K in the real estate meltdown here in Vegas. Funny how I can live with that, yet ruminate for days if I’m down $20 at a slot machine. Maybe because I can possibly make it back in, let’s say, TEN YEARS? I hope I have an equally good outcome, Scott. Just think, if it had the other way around, we may not be reading your post.

    Comment by elizabeth3hersh | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • The problems were many Elizabeth. First I had people betting through me left and right over 10k a game every game, and after a while I became desensitized to the vulgarity of the amounts. Also a few months before I had won 35k in Atlantic City on one bet. –Another blog for another day but I’ll tell you it was 13 black at roulette.

      But especially during football or basketball season I could afford to lose 5 or 10 without anything coming out of my pocket. – If only I could make money like that now…

      If I were you I’d try to hold on to the real estate, eventually it will go back up. If you can hold on, hold on!

      Thanks Elizabeth!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  8. What a rollicking tale! I was so nervous and sympathetic towards the end that I had forgotten about wanting to ridicule yr deluded grasp of economics with the belief that 30K was going to buy you a helicopter and a Mercedes, maybe it was just the rum and coke habit messin with yr reality….
    And who knew that rum and coke was such an expensive habit anyway?! Educational, to say the least

    Anyway, I have a ‘sure fire’ tip for you for when things next get tough, although not sure there is much of a betting world behind it, but I do like to think it may still be helpful to you: The Boy will shit as soon as I put him in a fresh nappy, odds on.

    Comment by RubyTwoShoes | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, my failed grasp of economics wasn’t due to the coke (and rum) I only did that like once a month even at my worst. It was due to the fact that at that age I still very much had the emotional (and mental, sometimes) maturity of a 7 year old single child. I also have a touch of what the experts probably call magical thinking; whereas I always believe that no matter what happens I’ll be happy and everything will work out in the end.

      As far as your son goes; thanks for the inside info. I’ll see if I can find that bookie that took action on Clean Car verses Fucking Birds that one time.

      Thanks Ruby!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  9. Scary Scott, I gamble less than Elizabeth because the idea of losing money just doesn’t do it for me. But I remember the game (which was a Game 7 BTW)and watched it with a couple of non-lesbian Portland fans. Funny story dude.

    Comment by Fundamental Jelly | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • Nonono FJ, you’re not supposed to think about losing money, you’re supposed to think about winning money and all the helicopters you can buy with the winnings.

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  10. Have you seen Philip Seymour Hoffman in Owning Mahoney? At the end of the film his character talks about not gambling any more, I think he gives his new life a score of just 2/10….. I don’t have the gambling gene but I can understand that addiction to the high of winning

    Comment by nursemyra | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • No, surprisingly I don’t even remember hearing about that one. But Hoffman (either one) is usually pretty good; I’ll have to check that out!

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  11. i need to have more adventures… hehe

    sigh

    Comment by Susi Spice | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • Yes, yes you do. And you need photos to collaborate them!

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  12. I’ll bet you 25,000 dollars that I can pick this year’s Super Bowl Champion. And I must say to Nursemyra…Nobody owns Mahoney. Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, what 2010? Or 2011? Seriously let me know…

      I was wondering if you were going to notice that. See, they’re making movies about you at least.

      Thanks Matt!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  13. He make it rain on them hoes.

    LMAO!

    Your entire post was totally shown up by the Pillsbury dough boy. Sorry, but it’s true. 😉

    Comment by Candice | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • The same thing happened in Ghostbusters.

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  14. Scott,

    Believe it or not, I was just on Google looking up “Lakers inspired-dildo” (only because I heard that the Harlem Globetrotters ones are “substandard at best”), when I came across your post.

    Small world, hey?

    Anywho, I just wanted to say that a) your life lessons make our old friend “Rick Schnabel” seem like a phlegmatic and humorless hack, and b)if you ever do start betting again, stick with the Toronto Baptist Bible College’s religion-converting team.

    Hilarity-saturated (?) post as always, Scott.

    Comment by bschooled | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • You know I just had to do it out of curiosity. I am so proud right now I could cry. If there is one thing that I want to be remembered for after I’m dead it is Lakers inspired dildos. I am the best in the world (according to google) at Lakers inspired dildos. Yay!

      When I googled Rick Schnabel, because my memory sucks (mostly due to rum but also due to coke), I saw that you are way high up with the Rick Schnabel search. Together we can and will make google our saturated bitch! Saturated in hot sauce too…oohhh!

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  15. The biggest problem with gambling is that most people can’t just confine themselves to the best opportunities to bet and if there aren’t any jut not make bets. The whole idea behind being a gambler is to make bets!

    I actually have a couple of decent gambling stories that only involved me as a spectator that I could blog about. Thanks for the inspiration.

    And great post! I love tales of near disaster that turn out happy and involved redemption in ones life. And you combined some of my favorite things. Gambling, drinking and strippers. 😉

    Comment by Jay | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • You know Jay, after that fiasco I did quit making bets when I was drinking. For real. And I generally was and am a very safe gambler. I actually kept track and won a lot more than I lost if you are only counting football. When you add basketball…especially the Godless evil college basketball it’s closer to a push.

      Even now I play poker on Party Poker and have taken money out 3 times and have only put it in once.

      It is fun as hell though, unless you get yourself in too deep.

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  16. I’m with Candice. The Pillsbury doughboy has mercilessly ganked your post! I’m glad you’re now saving the kittehs.

    Comment by Megan @Momlarky | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • That is slightly disappointing. I had some of my most favorite sentences ‘strings’ in this post. Damn.

      Thanks Momlarky!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 7, 2010 | Reply

  17. Cat Stevens called… seriously.

    Comment by Mick_Chick | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • You’ll have to explain that on to me… my Cat Stevens history isn’t up to snuff.

      Thanks Mick_Chick!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 8, 2010 | Reply

      • oh really…I’m sorry. OK, so the way I remember it from an article I read about him goes something like this: Cat finds himself swimming way too far off the coast somewhere after a night of way too much indulgence (Cat was no stranger to indulging). He realizes he is so far past the breakers that he will probably not be able to swim back and fears drowning. He talks to God. “God, if you save me from this I will serve you”, just then a surge in the surf pushes him back to shore. He is overcome with gratitude and keeps his promise. He quits music, embraces Islam, changes his name to Yusef Islam, sells all his worldly possessions, marries, has 5 kids and ends up on the Post 9/11 watch list. That last part may be ill-deserved ~ he is CAT STEVENS of Peace Train fame, duh! ~ but in any case everything else is all true. Now Scott honey, I’m not suggesting you should do any of those things. Changing your name, for instance, is a huge pain in the ass, but on the scale of 1-10 for am-I-in-trouble-here?, your vomiting in the trash can story rates on the scale at a low 6…mainly because you were begging to an entity that may or may not have any control of Shaq’s free throws…I mean, really, if “he” did, wouldn’t Shaq have gotten better at them??? Anyways, I’m not giving you shit…I just thought your story was super funny and reminded me a little of Cat.

        Comment by Mick_Chick | June 8, 2010 | Reply

        • Wow great story. Now that you retold it… I may have heard that. Maybe on Colbert, that’s the last time I saw him.

          No, no I’d never change my name or my basic bohemian nature. Believe it or not I do have a story like that of my own if you’re interested. Another true story, only with my usual exaggerated references… https://zodiblog.wordpress.com/2009/06/11/from-rip-curl-to-rip-tide-to-r-i-p/

          https://zodiblog.wordpress.com/2009/06/12/rip-curl-to-rip-tide-to-r-i-p-part-ii/

          Sorry it’s in two parts.

          Thanks Mick_Chick!!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 8, 2010 | Reply

          • dude…I am so totally in awe of your stupidity, er I mean bravery. seriously, what a truly harrowing tale! although I already knew you were a Pisces (DB’s b-day is exactly one year and a day before mine…she being some sort of messiah to us fish people, probably because she is one of the few who have managed to actually rise from obscurity as the rest of us laze about only planning our ascension into fame), I can only deduce then that it is fitting that you have had, and may continue to have, near death experiences. we seem to repeatedly take our lives less seriously than most either out of sheer recklessness (I will pontificate on addictive personality at another time) or a truly fearlessness of the afterlife. in any case, it has been inspiring (and hilarious) reading your blog these last few weeks, mostly just to know that the letters I write in my head but never manage to get onto paper are no less crazy than yours! thanks, you’re carrying the torch buddy…

            Comment by Mick_Chick | June 9, 2010 | Reply

            • ooops! DB is 10 yrs and a day younger than me….

              Comment by Mick_Chick | June 9, 2010 | Reply

              • Then we come within one day of a birthday as well. It would make an easy birthday week…

                -jus sayin’

                Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 9, 2010 | Reply

                • You think we should stalk Drew for our collective birthdays? I’m thinking she’d be all “Hell Ya! My People…” (I’m envisioning a Jesus like stance or maybe better, a Dalai Lama like one since I can’t confirm if Drew is a RR type) or she’ll set the dogs on us. Something tells me (or do I just want to believe in my heart?) that she wouldn’t turn us away after learning “we are Pisceans just like her”…I mean she did marry that uber-dork Green fella, so she must be a softie for pathetic kooks on some level.

                  I do have a blog… JD Salinger would be proud of my work ~ scribbled on random scraps of paper ~ if not disdainful of my work ethic

                  Comment by Mick_Chick | June 9, 2010 | Reply

                  • Hey Mick, scraps of paper are good enough for Drew and they’re good enough for me too.

                    I’m sure she would be cool with us, even if we did stalk her a little bit. I always knew I’d get famous for something. Stalking Drew Barrymore will do nicely.

                    Thanks Mick_Chick!!

                    Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 10, 2010 | Reply

            • You wouldn’t be the first one in awe of my stupidity, insanity, or recklessness. I don’t know what it is about us fish…. We know that there is just MORE but can’t figure out what it is… or we are just delusional.

              Anyway, thanks for all the compliments. You should start a blog or, you know, just keep doing what you love to do. Either way I hope you continue to enjoy and comment all my ‘work that is going to make me rich and famous beyond all recognition and result in Drew falling helplessly and hopelessly in love with me.’

              Thanks Mick_Chick!!

              Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 9, 2010 | Reply

  18. I’m glad the story ended well,for now. I’ve had my moments and epiphany’s, one was abstinence is easier then moderation. Sad but true, at least for me on some things. Sounds like you and Navar could swap a few stories.

    Comment by starlaschat | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • I needed that win in a big way. I feel you on the abstinence; I went that route on the firewater. Who is Navar?

      Thanks Starlaschat!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 8, 2010 | Reply

      • Navar is my Husband ;+) He has some similar stories on the gaming front. His story almost, ended in a abrupt because of it. So I guess it’s a post that close to home.

        Comment by starlaschat | June 8, 2010 | Reply

  19. I knew it has to be true at the point where you described how the inside of your head itched
    I know that feeling so well and to describe it that way means you’ve felt it

    I also had many a dangerous moment in my life brought on by rum and coke, and coke, and vodka, and being far too smart for my young reckless self

    Bless His Shaqness for all his glory!

    oh – and Isreal hosting a regatta is a brilliant line!!

    Comment by dianne | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, I’ve felt it alright Dianne. I’ve put myself in way too many situations that made me feel it. No more of that horrible, achy, itchy sweaty brain for either one of us though. Only the saving of the kittehs and the loving of the babies from now on.

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 8, 2010 | Reply

  20. Holy feckin sh*t Scott, that is the scariest ride I’ve taken in a long, long time. I cannot even fathom being down that much to the wrong people. We all had our moments and life is simply nuts. At least we survived and are (hopefully) better for it. Wow. That must’ve been some sick level of adrenaline.

    Comment by Dan McGinley | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • I mean I was a bookie at the time so I wasn’t as bad off as others may have been. They would have given me some time and everything. The adrenaline was sick indeed. I wasn’t exaggerating about the throwing up. I threw up 2 or 3 times in those 2 hours. Violently.

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 8, 2010 | Reply

  21. Am I to assume that the b-ball player in white suffered career-ending injuries (or at least broken ribs?) from that incident?

    Go Celts 🙂

    Comment by Ron-Yves Strouteau | June 7, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, to the best of my knowledge young Skippy Mcflexy never played again due to a sudden phobia of ‘gigantic ass rapers.’

      Thanks Ron-Yves!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 8, 2010 | Reply

  22. Your readership and I are uttering the collective ‘wow’ right now. As a gamblephobic, and one who has read Dostoyevski’s ‘The Gambler’, this tale would have had that Russian slapping his thigh with hoots of recognition.

    There are some great gambling episodes in Sopranos season 5.

    As for the mercy fantasy of Shaq poised to plunder at mid-court with a Queen soundtrack AND an audience?! I’d understudy for you.

    Comment by Mitzi G Burger | June 8, 2010 | Reply

    • Don’t worry I only play poker online these days. I don’t know enough about soccer to even attempt it. And The Sopranos was one of my top 5 series of all time.

      If want the understudy gig it’s all yours! I’ll even let you take over as the lead….no problem.

      Thanks Mitzi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 8, 2010 | Reply

  23. scotty… bearman is taking a break… Wilbur left me ages ago..so im going to annoy you 😀

    buddy ol pal! 😀

    omg I need a new boyfriend i think if my current one isnt even here anymore LOL im annoying my online blogging buddies now… ive sunk to a new low LOL

    Comment by Susi Spice | June 8, 2010 | Reply

    • Why do I not even know who Wilber is, other than a horse on an ancient sitcom?

      Can’t you see I’m cutting back too? I think we all are, it comes naturally this time of year. I’ll be lucky to post once or twice a week. But there is always Facebook… Bwahahaha.

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 8, 2010 | Reply

      • Is Susi Spice whining again? For the love of god SS, I told you I have a bottle of cat piss to drown your miseries!!!!!

        Comment by frigginloon | June 9, 2010 | Reply

        • WIlbur was my monkey that looked like your monkey scott!

          Loon you are no help you give the advice but your not here forcing it down my throat! what kind of a friend are you anyway!? lol oh thats right imaginary…hehe

          Comment by Susi Spice | June 9, 2010 | Reply

  24. Ah ha! Great story.

    Comment by Michael Horn | June 8, 2010 | Reply

  25. Now you see Scott, had you lost, that would have been movie material. Imagine the product placement…Bic pens, Sony portable TV’s, Jack Daniels, LA Lakers and mental health specialists!!!!

    Comment by frigginloon | June 9, 2010 | Reply

    • lol
      ahhh this is the kind of friend u want by your side… you should work as an image consultant loon! lol ud make us millions and yourself in turn

      Comment by Susi Spice | June 9, 2010 | Reply

    • BUt if I lost I don’t think I’d be around to enjoy the fame. But maybe that doesn’t matter if my other theories are correct..

      Thanks Loon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 9, 2010 | Reply

  26. So anyways, Shaq called me the other night and said, “WTF!” At which I answered, “Exactly!” He then asked me where you lived, but I covered your six, bro: he’s on his way to Boise.

    Comment by jammer5 | June 11, 2010 | Reply

    • I appreciate the help brother. But…. I do owe him and all.

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | June 11, 2010 | Reply


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