Zodi’s Blog

A Vacationy, Pacemakery Post

Ok, so I’m back. I don’t want to bore you guys with long, thick and boring vacation memoirs like my grandma used to do to me when she’d endlessly recant her Adult Entertainment Industry Award show parties in Vegas every year. But to be fair to Nana I have to admit that the slideshows were pretty damn entertaining. Especially that one year that she won The Rodrigo (The Rodrigo is a man whore/weekend trophy/walking penis prize) for Best Supporting GILF for her work in Slap Happy Gilmore Girls.   

Damn you Rodigo!

 

So in the interests of not boring (or traumatizing ..thanks Nana..) you, I only have two short vacationy posts and then I’ll be back to my usual blog content of ‘whatever the hell my ADD riddled brain allows me to think about for more than 15 seconds’ that you’ve come to expect from me. This is the first of the two, obviously…   

Spain is the World Cuppiest!   

As you know, we left for Malaga two days before our flight with the express purpose of watching Spain win the final in a big, crazy city. But we ended up staying 10 miles further up the coast in a little beach town called Torremolinos because my wife didn’t feel like getting raped or stabbed or set on fire for some reason. She is a weird chick.   

By the time we got settled into our hotel and started walking around, every soccer watching venue was already filled up to such a capacity that you could catch an STD just by standing there. And that would have been great, welcome even (especially since I could have just borrowed one of Nana’s ‘special’ unguents) but they were turning people away. Apparently after an unfortunate incident involving a Wendy’s hamburger, a bottle of vodka, a surprisingly flammable coif and a joint at an indoor Hasselhoff concert, Spain really sticks to its fire codes.    

Just add flame...

 

Luckily for us our hotel set up a projection screen in a wedding reception sized room. Unluckily for us, a large percentage of the crowd was more suited to watch a Wayne Newton concert while indulging in some digestive biscuits and chamomile tea. There were maybe 200 people watching but it felt more like 20.   

When Spain finally got the winning goal in the overtime period, I flew out of my chair quicker than a crackhead on free crack day, and nearly gave 10 of my nearest elderly friends a heart attack. I also spilled some of my aqua con gas on them because I’m really not all that fucking cool myself…. hence the Pellegrino spillage. After my few moments of unrestrained “Yay,” the frightened stares and sounds of pacemakers doing whatever the hell pacemakers do when the person wearing them gets nervous and heart attacky brought me to my senses and we rushed out the door quicker than a crazy person on free mental health screening day. (The time off may have caused my writing in general and my metaphors in particular to suffer like a junkie on expensive heroin day, I can’t really tell.)  

At least she's wearing her seatbelt!

  

When we made it to the street we finally found what we had come for. Cars were driving up and down the street with people hanging out the windows and all over the roofs. Air horns, chanting and singing celebratory Spanish soccer type-o-music could be heard for miles and miles. Everyone was literally dancing in the streets. It was a lot like when the Steelers win the super bowl. Except without all of the violence. Or puking. Or police. Or drunk people violently puking on police. Or star quarterbacks assaulting chicks in restrooms.      

He's the perfect Pittsburgher.

    

That’s one of the things that I found remarkable actually; almost nobody was even tipsy. Or even high. It was just so different from what I always saw growing up. These kids were having the celebration of their lives and nobody even got arrested. Whoda thunk it?      

That's me acting retarded.

    

We made our way through the throngs to one of the little round-a-bouts where the heart of the celebration was kicking off. They were ‘flagging’ every car that went by. This is a custom wholly unique to Spain where they drape their flags all over each passing car as it slowly drives by, taunting it as if it were a bull while the drivers rev their engines and/or get out and dance. Again I was surprised that no one got run over or beat up.     

This guy cut quite the jig

    

This video was near the end of my camera’s life. It was almost out of battery and almost out of life. This obviously does not do the scene justice. Most of the flagging was after this point as the crowds around us grew exponentially…      

The mostly sober but riotous party lasted until 5am. It was truly one of the most remarkable celebrations that I’ve ever had the honor to be a part of.      

P.S. Sorry about teasing you Nana, but this is payback for beating me with The Rodrigo for all those years. Bitch.

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July 20, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

53 Comments »

  1. What fun! Wow! I don’t know what else to say! Glad you’re back, though. Have missed reading your posts – kind of went through some withdrawal, there!

    Comment by Desert Rat | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • Aww thanks! It’s nice to know that I was missed. Maybe I should start selling a methadone-like me replacement drug. I’d have to fit retarded somewhere in the name though.

      Thanks Dessert Rat!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 20, 2010 | Reply

  2. This post made me laugh more than a hyena on free nitrous oxide day.
    Welcome back!

    Comment by Amy | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • That is an awesome metaphor Amy; I may have to ‘borrow’ it sometime!

      Thanks Amy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 20, 2010 | Reply

      • It’s copywright free, so have at it.

        Comment by Amy | July 20, 2010 | Reply

        • Unfortunately so are all my catchphrases. Stupid wordthiefs!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  3. I was in San Antonio for a couple of their NBA finals wins. That was a great time mostly because the Mexicans know how to party. And Mexicans are basically the same as the Spanish, right?

    But, maybe someone should teach the Spanish that winnings means rioting? You know, tip over a police car or pile your old furniture up in a parking lot and set it on fire type stuff.

    Actually it looks like a great time. I would love to have been there to watch the finals too. That way you have had at least one other person who would make noise and scare old people with you.

    Comment by Jay | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • I’ve been a part of enough cinco de mayo celebrations to know that you’re right. Surprisingly Jay, the Spanish don’t seem to think that they are on the same level as the Mexicans. I think they are pissed off about something or other with them.

      I really thought there would be at least minor rioting in Malaga, Madrid or Barcelona. Nothing bad whatsoever happened though. It’s like they are good people or something.

      Maybe the two of us should go to Brazil in 4 years…..???!!

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  4. Reads like a bit of a do!

    Comment by gallowaygrave | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • It was a total do. Better even than doing the Dew, I say!

      Thanks Gallowaygrave!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  5. Oh, I don’t think you need to ADD flame to that photo of The Hoff… it’s already flaming.

    Glad you had fun… yay, Spain!

    Comment by Megan @Momlarky | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • I agree but a torch would help tremendously!

      Thanks Megan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  6. I’m so envious that you got to watch it in Spain (obviously seeing you are there, but never thought about it until you wrote). I watched it here and am now so envious of the celebrations you describe. Amazing. Hysterical the way you describe the elderly people too.

    Comment by The Late Stork | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • Sometimes it doesn’t seem real to me either. I tend to forget I’m living in Spain until something good happens like winning the World Cup or something bad happens like I need to buy a microwave.

      Thanks TLS!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  7. Its all fun and flag drapping until someone can’t see and plows into the crowd with their car.

    Comment by Bearman | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • I was sure something like that would happen. But it never did thank God.

      Thanks Bearman!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  8. Welcome back!

    Comment by Thomas Stazyk | July 20, 2010 | Reply

  9. Glad to have you back.
    I must have a bit of a hangover because the Hoff is looking really good to me thismorning.

    Comment by Karen lee Thompson | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • Honestly though, is there ever a time when The Hoff does not look good? Really?

      Thanks Karen!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  10. haha… your video so reminds me of our trip to Spain in 2008. Glad you’re back by the way, sorely missed….

    Comment by nursemyra | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • From the pictures I saw it was very similar. It was an amazing time!

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  11. What a cacophony of sounds! Glad you had fun, more glad you are back.

    Comment by Reb | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • I had a blast, and it was noisy in a good way. Until 5 or 6 am..

      Thanks Reb!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  12. Sounds fun. I am partly Dutch on my dad’s side, but Spain was clearly the better team.

    Comment by Fundamental Jelly | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • It was closer than I though FJ. They put up one hell of a fight.

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  13. Great video and welcome back. I would bounce over to your blog and be like, damn. The party train is still down the tracks somewhere, partying hard. Great video and thanks. Now I know the flag and colors of Spain, and learned in a very entertaining way! Viva la Papa Hemingway!

    Comment by Dan McGinley | July 20, 2010 | Reply

    • Half of Spain is still partying hard. Where I live now… you know, with all the elderly alcoholics..? they are still partying. But that never really stops anyway.

      You, me and the running of the Hemmingways!

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  14. Speaking of vacations, Scott, I’m on a ‘work vacation’ or I would comment more. Great story. Wish I were living your life right now.

    Comment by elizabeth3hersh | July 21, 2010 | Reply

    • It’s always great to hear from you whether in long form or shorthand Elizabeth. I hope you enjoy your working vacation. Tell me about it soon!

      Thanks Elizabeth!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  15. Man, I wish I lived in a country with culture and whatnot. When anyone wins a championship around here, 3/4’s of the country is pissed off. (Yankess win? 9/10ths.)

    Nothing unites us, not even our states which are apparently “united” in name only. I suppose it has something to do with our fiercely proud heritage as the country that said “fuck you” to the rest of the world as we knew it (England, mostly) and set up shop with a few solid (but easily amendable) Rights and a tree-chopping wig-wearer for a figurehead.

    Looks like you had a very blurry blast, Scott. Welcome back!

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | July 21, 2010 | Reply

    • America has culture, just ask Sarah. She’ll refudiate your ass if you don’t think so.

      The problem is that soccer is really the only national sport that the world takes part in. If baseball would have caught on like they thought it would when the powers that were named the World Series and fought to make Canada join the party, the US would dominate. As long as the Dominican Republic got disqualified every year.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  16. It’s good you had fun but seriously…Don’t hassle the Hoff. Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | July 21, 2010 | Reply

    • It’s all in jest Matt. You know how much I love The Hoff!

      Thanks Matt!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  17. What a welcome change, car horns instead of vuvuzelas. I hear they are making the octopus Spain’s national emblem!!!

    Comment by frigginloon | July 21, 2010 | Reply

    • There were plenty of vuvuzelas as well, unfortunately. And they went until morning. The bull looks better on the flag though…

      Thanks Loon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 21, 2010 | Reply

  18. Scott! I missed you too, its great to have your entertaining posts back in my inbox

    I have to say, that video footage was really something – nothing says wild revelry to me like some poorly lit, shonky hand held camera work!

    I loved hearing about your holiday, in particular the time old Spanish tradition of taunting cars with flags until people get out and dance – how great would it be if that caught on the world over?! and not just in response to a World Cup win, but to anything – had great sex last night? Jump out of your car and dance!

    Comment by RubyTwoShoes | July 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Aww thanks Ruby, you make me feel all squishy!

      I have to disagree though, when I see poorly lit, shonky(?) hand held camera work the first thing I expect to see is not revelry but either very good street fighting or really awful investigative reporting.

      The tradition looked dangerous as hell, but no one got hurt so I guess it would be ok to add a few more hundred million people (is that how many people there are) and copious amounts of alcohol and just ‘see what happens.’ And I’ve needed a good after sex thing since I’ve quit smoking. I’m down like a clown baby!

      Thanks Ruby!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  19. It’s super early here and the picture of Hasselhoff just made me vomit in my mouth a little….

    Sounds like a great celebration! Welcome back to reality and I will check out the pics of Italy.
    Where Frick reports, “mom, it’s kinda dirty.” She was shocked to see litter strewn around as if it were no big deal.
    Immediately the image of the Indian with the tear rolling down his cheek comes to mind.

    Comment by Candy | July 21, 2010 | Reply

    • It was a fantastic holiday Candy, thanks!

      I didn’t get that it all about Italy. Everything is really, really old… obviously but I didn’t see a lot of litter. I know that people tend to litter in Spain because the have people who come around once a day and pick it all up off the streets. They make the welfare recipients do it. But I didn’t even see that in Italy.

      Thanks Candy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  20. I’m glad that you’re finally back. The nerve of you leaving us like that!

    Asshole.

    Comment by Candice | July 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, I know right? Wait till I get rich and take years at a time off of my fake job of blogging. Then you’ll be…. wait, shit.

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  21. All you got was BEATEN by your Nana ?

    Hell, QUITCHER BITCHIN !!!

    Everytime I did something wrong, my Nana would put her hand on my forehead. “Heff, I believe you’ve got a FEVER. Let’s go shove in some anal suppositories…”

    Now as an adult, everytime I DO get a fever, MY ASS HURTS !

    You Lucky Bastard !

    Comment by Heff | July 21, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m sure Nana would have played with my ass a lot more if Rodrigo wasn’t occupying so much of her time though.

      I’ve always wanted to do a suppository. But it has to be an opiate. A good one.

      Thanks Heff!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  22. I’m surprised everyone waited until dark to celebrate. Here in Vancouver, they were out on Commercial Drive at about 1 pm when the game ended.

    Comment by Cooper Green | July 22, 2010 | Reply

    • That is too strange. I heard that the Spanish fans in Australia didn’t even start celebrating until the next day. People are so weird!

      Thanks Cooper!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  23. Oh, how I miss Rodrigo! (Or, is it Rodrigu I miss? I can never get that man whore/penis prize’s name straight.

    I missed you too, Scott! Though I didn’t think it was possible, your metaphors have only gotten better since you’ve been gone. From STDs to crack day to free mental health screening day, you are truly the Chuck Norris of symbolism.

    Kicktastic video, Scott. I only wish I was there not getting arrested (or raped) with you guys.

    Comment by bschooled | July 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Apparently it could even be Rodigo. Who knew a Brazilian man whore/walking penis could have so many names?

      I really appreciate your uber kind words as well as your lusty stares at Rodrigo B, but I’m afraid that Chuck Norris is the Chuck Norris of symbolism. I heard that he even beat the shit out of Robert Langdon… and he’s fucking fictional.

      I have a feeling that when you do come all our luck in the arrested/raped departments will change for the better!

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 22, 2010 | Reply

  24. Rodrigo is awesome! Oh man, I wish I could be with y’all, that sounds so fun. If you’re now in Italy, hope you’re having fun and y’all are living la dolce vita or whatever it is you do in Italy.
    Give Donatella my regards!

    Comment by Lisa | July 23, 2010 | Reply

    • Rodrigo is The Rodrigo, a long time friend and compatriot. He’s been with me for a while now and he may write a guest column at some point if he can put down the sex for 5 minutes.

      We are back from Italy, sadly. We did leave the gun and take the cannoli though.

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 23, 2010 | Reply

      • The advent of the i-pad should enable Rodrigo to blog while he’s doing the sex…

        Comment by Ron-Yves Strouteau | July 23, 2010 | Reply

        • Rodrigo may be blogging while he’s doing just about anything soon. Especially while he’s doing the sex.

          Thanks Ron!!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  25. Very cool.

    Comment by brunettehead | September 2, 2010 | Reply


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