Zodi’s Blog

The Girl With The Messed Up Face

 

This is the second and last of my vacationy stories, although this could have easily fallen under my awkwardity umbrella. This post was destined to be titled ‘The Girl with the Fucked Up Face’ but I didn’t want to fuck up any of my evangelical Christian fans that have a widget on the side of their blog displaying the latest posts from their favorite bloggers. Although in all honesty if you are an evangelical Christian, or a Christian, or have any sort of moral compass whatsoever you probably shouldn’t be reading my blog to begin with considering that I will have used ‘fuck’ six fucking times in the last two sentences and it appears as if I’m about to make fun of a girl with a fucked up face, which I’m actually not because this is more about my famous ability to awkward the motherfucking shit out of myself.    

.

You should not be reading my blog. Or doing meth. Especially not with gay, prostitute tattle tales.

This situation, as well as yet another public display of personal humiliation, could have been avoided entirely if only I’d seen the girl with the fucked up face for the first time while we were both stationary. I would have then enjoyed a whole vacation without once displaying my horrifying social ineptitude. But that is clearly not the way I roll.

On with the tale…

After a marathon night of travel (Malaga to Pisa to Florence) and only sleeping from 4 until 8am, we groggily got up and made our way down to the lobby of our hotel for the free breakfast buffet.

After slamming back 4 espressos (the coffee machine was at the buffet but you had to order juice) I was a little too excited at the prospect of eating. A waiter came by and I ordered a nice, freshly squeezed orange juice just as I was getting up to start the binging process. I am a true American at heart so I pilled the food high and wide upon my plates. Yes, I said plates. –It had been like 2 days since I’d had a real meal. Don’t be so fucking judgmental. Jeez. I also had to represent for the red, white and blue. Yo.

.

Now add three pounds of mortadella to your mental picture and you’ll be halfway there.

Then the bad thing happened. I saw her bringing my juice just as I was returning to my table.

She looked at me in what I first assumed was half disgusted grimace/half really big grin out of the right side of her face. She kind of looked like Billy Idol and The Joker had a lovechild who grew up to work food service in an Italian hotel and now didn’t know whether to laugh hysterically or start screaming at the gluttonous American.

.

She was like this but better looking. And less British.

I’m not sure if it was the black, syrupy crack I’d just consumed, the cultural guilt I felt for the heaping mounds of eggs and mortadella doing a clown/car act on my plate, or just my everyday social ineptitude that made me do it but, as if my face had a mind of it’s own, I smiled/grimaced right back at her, matching her freakish grin molar for molar. I immediately realized that she wasn’t smiling or grimacing but that was just the way her face, like, settled… (you want know what it looked like? I just figured it out. It looked like a reverse stroke. Like the right side of her face got all excited and jumpy instead of all droopy and sad) I tried to slowly and naturally even out my own smile and pretend that I was just really shockingly amazed that not only did they have oranges in Northern Italy but that they even squeezed them into a drinkable liquid and brought the delightful concoction to my very fucking table! I should also note the when I smile unnaturally something happens to my eyes and they get all weird and googley-ish. I end up either looking a little slow or like a crazy eyed killa. The retarded just flows out of me like freshly squeezed OJ when I become flustered or uncomfortable.

.

If you get this reference you win 50 points. And you are awesome!

This easily could have been the end of it but I am, as you all know, constitutionally incapable of letting things go. Through no conscious decision on my part my subconscious mind must have hatched a plan to try to make her feel better. Because when I saw her again I smiled/grimaced again in an attempt to make her think that this was simply my natural reaction to seeing people.

The girl with the fucked up face also performed bartending duties at night so she was the one I had to ask for ice to take up to my room. I knew she was watching me as I entered the room so I always had to crazy eye smile/grimace at every unfortunate tourist who was nearby in an attempt to further deceive her. Then when she brought me the ice every night I’d pretend that it was the most astonishing beautiful, iciest ice that I’d ever been privileged to receive and I’d show my appreciation by showing her where my upper right wisdom tooth used to live.

By the end of our stay I’m sure that everyone in the hotel thought I was a retarded psychopath with an eating disorder. I think my ploy began working though, because she began to get all smiley when she saw me coming. Even more smiley than usual. I think. It was hard to tell.

Advertisements

July 24, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

79 Comments »

  1. Scott, this has to be your funniest post to date. I can so relate to you (you have no idea). The way you tied your story in with the pictorials was just brilliant (I normally reserve ‘brilliant’ for CLT, but in this case, it was well deserved). A post so good that the reader feels compelled to thank the writer. Thank you, Scott! I’m going to call it a night and go off laughing to bed.

    Comment by elizabeth3hersh | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank you Elizabeth, but comparing me to CLT would be like comparing Tom Falk to Clive Fucking Cussler. You may be asking yourself who Tom Falk is and I guess that’s pretty much my point. But Tom and I both appreciate it immensely! I’m so happy to know that I sent you to bed with a smile… what more can I ask for?

      And it is very comforting to know that someone can relate to my madness.

      Thanks Elizabeth!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  2. I’ll keep an eye on the Italian blogs for her posting about “that poor silly americano with the rictus!”

    Comment by gallowaygrave | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  3. Oh dear Scott,awkward. There use to be a waiter at my favorite cafe that had severe burns to his face and I would always look up laughing just as he came to take my order without fail. He used to always give me filthy looks 😦

    Comment by frigginloon | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • That is brilliant of the waiter though. If I had any major disfigurement I’d go straight to waiting tables. You could make an absolute fortune like that.

      I’ll bet you tipped well.

      Thanks Loon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  4. Probably Palsy Face….be careful…it could happen to you.

    Comment by bearman | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Could? It probably will. This wasn’t making fun of her. This was making fun of me. I’m totally socially retarded.

      Thanks Bearman!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  5. You’re such a good soul and a funny fucker to boot. I’ll go to amazing lengths to un-offend people too, because I’m nuts and that’s how I roll.
    You probably brightened up that girl’s life too and made her feel less like a freak and more like a person.
    Kudos, homie!

    Comment by Lisa | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • A good soul and a funny fucker.. I’ll take those two compliments any day of the week. Thank you! I think I did brighten her day; I at least gave her someone to go home and talk about.

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 24, 2010 | Reply

  6. Haha Scott, thank God for awkward people like you!!! The thing is- I think we all did this at some point! Laughed at something we shouldn’t have and then kept on going so… you know… it would look like we’re just idiots, not bad people. Awkward idiots with no social skills. We rock 🙂

    Comment by Lua | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank God for people like us indeed Lua!

      The thing is I wasn’t even laughing at her. I just ..like.. unconsciously mimicked her until it became conscious and then my mind was like, “Oh shit, now what?” These incidents have a way of following me around from city to city and continent to continent. It’s just crazy!

      Thanks Lua!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 24, 2010 | Reply

      • I’m sorry Scott. I’m never going to be able to invite you to the Gimcrack. you’d probably create an incident of titanic proportions and I’d lose all my patients in one fell swoop

        Comment by nursemyra | July 25, 2010 | Reply

        • Yea, but that would mean… more morphine for us!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

  7. Awesomely funny!
    Your determination to make someone else not feel self conscious even if it means looking like a psychopath in the process is commendable. I salute you, sir!

    Ain’t that Krazee Eyez Killa from Curb Your Enthusiasm? I don’t watch the show all the time but I think I caught that one.

    Comment by Amy | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks for the salute. Does that come with a complimentary beverage? Unfortunately I can make myself look like a psychopath even without trying to make someone else feel better. It comes pretty naturally.

      You win 50 points. And you are awesome! Curb is the best comedy that TV has ever known.

      Thanks Amy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 25, 2010 | Reply

      • I love Curb so much I’d even do Larry David. After Jemaine from flight of the Conchords though…. handsome and funny still beats funny and funny

        Comment by nursemyra | July 25, 2010 | Reply

        • I think I’d do Larry David and I’m not even gay. But I just feel that way about people who are that utterly hilarious!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

  8. I was able to vividly imagine everything said here as if it were a motion picture. This was a fantastic story. Thanks for sharing!

    Comment by Michael Horn | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Well the made The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo into a movie. I don’t see why this should be any different.

      Thanks Michael!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 25, 2010 | Reply

  9. Scott,

    You must embarrass the hell out of your wife, that’s all I can say! lol. I bet she even gives you dirty looks, or even walks away pretending she doesn’t know you because you embarrass her so much…..am I right?

    Too funny…wish I could have been a fly on the wall.

    Comment by trishothinks | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Thank God for her she doesn’t embarrass easily. Along with her British blood she is part Jamaican. I think that serves to keep things calm and mellow. Most of my other relationships did prominently feature mortification as a primary emotion however.

      I feel you. The flies that were on the wall looked pretty grateful.

      Thanks Trisho!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 25, 2010 | Reply

  10. Sunday morning here. I am tired and grumpy. I shuffle out to my computer, all bleary-eyed and hating the world.
    And then … I read your post. I laugh, and I thank god that there are people even more socially awkward than me, then I laugh. I go back and read it again. I laugh. I think of all the stupid ridiculous things I have done and said to try to avoid offending someone, and I laugh and laugh.
    I’m awake now. I’m still laughing. The world is a better place. Thanks.

    Comment by Karen lee Thompson | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Aww Karen that honestly makes me feel fantastic. I always worry that by only trying to write humor I’m wasting my time. But if I help just one person cheer up, and thus not yell at that grocery store clerk who would then go home and beat her kids, one of which would probably grow up to be a serial killer and kill 17 people, then I actually kind of saved 17 lives.

      Saving 17 lives = Not wasting time! You are awesome!

      Thanks Karen!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 25, 2010 | Reply

  11. You obviously forgot Grandmother Rule #273: “Don’t make a face like that. It might get stuck that way!”

    Comment by Thomas Stazyk | July 24, 2010 | Reply

    • My Grandmother was sadly too busy beating me with The Rodrigo to worry about teaching me any rules.

      Thanks Thomas!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 25, 2010 | Reply

  12. lol. i completely cracked up as i read this.
    Which isn’t good since its 2:39 in the morning.
    My laughter could be heard down the street.
    Thanks for getting me in trouble with my landlord. lol
    Just kidding.
    But it is really funny

    Comment by Artswebshow | July 25, 2010 | Reply

    • Perhaps the time had something to do with your laughter. I know I can get pretty slap happy that late at night. And that’s even without my preferred morphine drip…

      Glad you stopped by!

      Thanks Artswebshow!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 25, 2010 | Reply

  13. Scott,

    You have written some “potential bladder-control loss” worthy stuff before, but I have to say that this story actually caused me to suffer some slight leakage (excuse the disturbing visual, sometimes my Canadianness prevents me from having an “appropriate comment” filter.)

    It’s even funnier because I do this kind of shit ALL THE TIME. I can’t even tell you how many people think I have Tourette’s syndrome because I’ll spend hours twitching and swearing, trying to cover up the fact I mimicked some kid who I thought was mocking me but in reality was just suffering from some messed up facial tic.

    You’re a true paladin, Scott. You bring up a disorder that so many of us (aka. me) suffer from, yet are too scared to admit to for fear of being ostracized from society. (I mean, even more than we already are, of course.)

    Comment by bschooled | July 25, 2010 | Reply

    • Actually that visual wasn’t really all that disturbing to me. I found it oddly comforting. Does that make me a sick, sick man? You don’t have to answer that unless you feel compelled to.

      I do it all the time too, but it’s mostly unconscious. I have what I call a magnetic personality. Even on here. When I read a lot of somebody I begin to unconsciously.. (Usually. Sometimes it really is plagiarism) pick up characterizes of their writing. If you’ve noticed, HA! Or true story –that’s you, obviously. When I do ‘this’ it’s CLT. It’s even worse when I hang around people in real life, but I can also get it off of shows. I was a total mess after watching all those back to back seasons of Life Goes On. I ‘became’ the Corky. I think I stayed the Corky.

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

      • True story (HA!) People used to call me “Becca”…

        Comment by bschooled | July 27, 2010 | Reply

        • Wow our bonds even stretch across fictional barriers…. awesome!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  14. When The Wire was still on, I watched every episode twice. It was that good. This morning, I had to come back to this post for a re-read. Guess what? It was that good. So I am thanking you twice, Scott.

    Comment by elizabeth3hersh | July 25, 2010 | Reply

    • Wow, you must be kidding me. I found another soul mate/doppelganger. The Wire fights with The Sopranos for the title of best series ever in my head. I’m watching The Wire for the second time myself. I’m nearing the end of season 3 where Stringer just told Avon the he had DeAngelo killed in prison.

      I love the comparison and the compliment!

      Thanks again Elizabeth!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

  15. You bring the flashbacks! There is this Registry of Deeds in Boston where we used to research properties on the few jobs we had in that area. The first time we were there, I heard this god-awful profanity and looked at the other land surveyor, and he looked at me like WTF? Eventually it gets louder and louder, until this guy with obvious Tourette’s wheels a cart full of books around the corner, yelling the most obscene shit you ever heard. There were two or three of these people employed there. It was unreal to watch people’s reactions, and struggle to keep a straight face. Damn. Sorry for straying . . . you’re story was some deep and funny insight into how we react in these situations. Unbelievable. I always wonder at how small children often react in these situation, without any filters. It can be scary, honest, insulting, and sometimes touching. Depends, I guess. Rambling again . . .

    Comment by Dan McGinley | July 25, 2010 | Reply

    • I always write “you’re” when I mean “your” . . . then kick myself in a nervous reaction, then write an explanation like this, then wonder if it was needed then then then . . . shit. You see how you’re not alone? I don’t even BELONG in public.

      Comment by Dan McGinley | July 25, 2010 | Reply

      • No need to apologize Dan, I am the typo king. The weird thing is that I never get them when I write on paper.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

    • I could bring the actual trip as well if you want to come and bring at least 60 Euros (for Ibiza/DJ/Jesus=? And your party hat. For realz! It probably wouldn’t be that great of an idea though considering how retarded I already am. And I’ve honestly only ingested hallucinogenic substances like 2,943 times in my life. That shit is like super dangerous to do any more than that.

      Have you ever pretended that you had turrets just for a laugh? I have, but I was drunk. The bitch is having to keep it up.

      Thanks Dan, hope you stay on an even plane…!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

      • Ha! My brother in instability! I am not alone!

        Comment by Dan McGinley | July 26, 2010 | Reply

        • We are not alone. There’s a million mother fuckers just like me…Em.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  16. I was so thoroughly entertained by this that I couldnt take my “reverse stroke grin” off my face.

    I particularly loved your tactic of sticking with your crazed grin every time you saw her, and everyone, in a bid to make her believe it was just how you smiled. I’m constantly doing things like that, but usually convincing no one but myself….

    Comment by RubyTwoShoes | July 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Really? The same thing often happens to me. But I thought that it was from the couple dozen shots of espresso I drink every day.

      I usually do end up sticking with my mistakes Ruby; at least until the mistakes themselves have had enough and throw me out. I’m never good at making those kinds of decisions. And you’re right, the only person I fooled was… no, I actually do think the whole place thought I was retarded.

      Thanks Ruby!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

  17. Very very funny – I can just picture you trying to back peddle at a rate adn everyone else’s reaction to that. You write excellently – it’s as if I was there.

    You remind me of my ex-husband and my younger son – always putting their feet in things. On the subject of faces, my younger son has quite a few piercings and he walked up to a strange woman and remarked how much he liked the look of a piercing on her lip – only for her to turn around properly and he saw that it was a rather large mole!

    Comment by The Late Stork | July 26, 2010 | Reply

    • It’s funny that you say husband and son. I think sticking your foot in your mouth/awkwarding yourself/retarding yourself is a predominantly male accident.

      I’m guessing that your son’s incident didn’t involve a cute mole-person like a Cindy Crawford but rather involved a hideous mole person like …like a mole person?

      Thanks TLS!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

  18. I look at a plate of eggs and mortad cheese after three cups of high-octane caffeinated fuel and my face folds like a cheap map too.

    The dude just saw fuck-face in the nude and found out it’s not just her face.

    Comment by jammer5 | July 26, 2010 | Reply

    • I love bacon and eggs for dinner as well. Please don’t tell me that you’ve never had mortadella? You had to have enjoyed that delicious heart attack inducing treat.

      You are wrong. And you owe me 25 points for making me throw up. He’s Krazy Eyez Killa from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Damnit.

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 26, 2010 | Reply

      • Okay, he’s watching you throwing up after thinking of fuck-face nude.

        And I’ve never had a mortadella, but I think I met her sister once.

        Comment by jammer5 | July 26, 2010 | Reply

        • You have homework for tonight; rent and watch some Curb Your Enthusiasm and order a half pound of mortadella from a local, good grocery store.. Italian if possible.

          I’ll expect a report tomorrow.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  19. You actually saved 34 lives today, refer to comment #10. Glad your back. Although it’s not Sunday it’s now Monday. Thanks for making another tires and grumpy person laugh.

    Comment by starlaschat | July 26, 2010 | Reply

    • ;+) tired not tires! I hate that when I catch a typo and try to correct on the way to print. It never works. Oh well.

      Comment by starlaschat | July 26, 2010 | Reply

      • They should allow you to correct your own comments and I should know…ha!

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

    • I always love to double up so that’s awesome!

      Thanks Starlaschat!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  20. I am part of the larger Christian tradition and I still read your blog. Just don’t say fuck all the time. 😉

    Comment by Fundamental Jelly | July 26, 2010 | Reply

    • …either way, he’ll be forgiven 🙂

      Did the girl with the fudged up face happen to growl at all?

      Comment by Ron-Yves Strouteau | July 27, 2010 | Reply

      • I hope so, I did light a few candles and all.

        No, no she didn’t growl. And I’m glad because then I probably would have as well.

        Thanks Ron!!

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

    • And I appreciate your valued support! I’m really trying to work on it. Sorry mom… (you can blmae B)

      Thanks FJ!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  21. The only reasons I wouldn’t want the word ‘fuck’ overused is so it doesn’t lose its potency.

    I was all a’chortle by the end of this vignette. Your humour is in your hilarious ability (and willingness) to laugh at yourself. Aren’t humans funny creatures? I’d probably be my own best source for stand-up material.

    Comment by Mitzi G Burger | July 27, 2010 | Reply

    • True and I do try to adhere to the George Carlin and (pre-Fox) Dennis Miller School of Fuck which only amplifies its potency.

      I think we all are our own best source of humor Mitzi. If you can look at yourself honestly and without preconception, (and you’re me) all you see is material.

      Thanks Mitzi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  22. there are times when pretending you have brain injury can come in handy hehe

    Comment by Susi Spice | July 27, 2010 | Reply

    • And there are times when actually having one would be awesome. Perfect excuse and all.

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  23. Ha…Nicely done. On the rare times that Schmoop and I or Ryno and I go to a particular breakfast buffet, I load a plate up with bacon. Kinda silly of me since, well…I am allowed to go back for more. Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | July 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Mmmm bacon. I have eaten mortadella all my life but this was the first time I ever had it for breakfast. And it was spectacular!

      Thanks Matt!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  24. I think the choice you made to continue the silly grin, was admirable. Most people would have apologized and just made things worse. And you cheered me up this morning and I needed that, thanks 😉

    To Bschooled (13) someone called me “Becca” once because of that show too…I informed her that unless she was incapable of pronouncing three syllables, as DS kids are, then that had better be the last time she utters that abomination of a nickname. (My bests friends DS child had just died a few years before this)

    Comment by Reb | July 27, 2010 | Reply

    • I have a tendency to take ‘well enough’ and keep bothering it until it wakes up and bites off my head (or maybe that was ‘sleeping dog’), when I should have just left ‘well enough’ alone. Someday I’ll learn my lessons.

      Glad to have cheered you up!

      Thanks Reb!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 28, 2010 | Reply

  25. another funny post scott but with all those fucks you’ll never get freshly pressed… 🙂 i’ll bet you dont even care do you? i say keep the fuck coming..

    Comment by Lynn | July 27, 2010 | Reply

    • Wait they don’t freshly press fuck? Fuck. Although it would be a site to behold seeing a freshly pressed fuck. I figure that I get them out of my system on one post and clean up my act on the next… balance things out.

      Thanks Lynn!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 28, 2010 | Reply

  26. Don’cha just love those challenging social moments? I’ve had way more than my share and it is a true joy to realize that there is someone, somewhere, that just might rival me in public dopiness.

    One of my favorite moves is waving at someone who is waving at the person standing *behind* me – always awkward – but I’m working on mastering the art of turning the “wave” into a hair flip-ear scratch kind of maneuver.

    Comment by Desert Rat | July 28, 2010 | Reply

    • I do love those moments. My day is filled with them from morning until midnight. I think I am the king up all things awkward. And dopi. Wait, does that mean I get opiates too?

      I hate when that happens. And it is equally as bad when someone you know waves at you and you look behind you…

      Thanks DR!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 28, 2010 | Reply

  27. i havent read all the comments too many of them and my attention span wouldnt last that long so if someones already suggested im sorry for the repetition lol

    i think at first she thought “what is wrong with you?”
    then it progressed to “omg that gorgeous man thinks im hot… ”

    you gave her a massive ego boost by making her think you were just happy to see her and that she was gorgeous in your eyes. think of it a good deed for this year that Santa will reward you for haha no black coal for you this year! lol

    Comment by Susi Spice | July 28, 2010 | Reply

    • Don’t worry Susi; I don’t think anybody ready all the comments. That was reserved for the likes of a Sick Days or maybe something you might actually do on a sick day.

      I don’t know what she thought other than that I had some type of Americano/Espanolish weirdness going on. I hope I made her feel better though because that girl could squeeze hella orange juice!

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 29, 2010 | Reply

  28. I read this when you first posted it but I couldn’t think of anything to say then. Sometimes? It takes me a reallly long time to think of things to say. And that is yet another reason that I will remain socially inept. “It’s called a quip, not a sloooooowwp!” Sigh.

    I think the real problem was that this story is so very close to what happens to me that I was instantly terrified that an incident like this is looming large in my future. I tend to laugh at things people say and then realize that they were NOT joking. And then they hate me.

    Comment by Megan @Momlarky | July 28, 2010 | Reply

    • I know what you mean Megan and it’s 20 times worse when its in real life and you are on the spot to say something, anything, but your brain won’t cooperate so you sputter something like “Bustime” and quickly scuttle away.

      And I think you have a touch of OCD with that last one because I do it too with lots of stuff. For instance, I’m afraid to read about insomnia late at night for fear that if I do, I’ll suffer it.

      Thanks Megan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 29, 2010 | Reply

  29. Scott –

    I apologize for being so severely late to this party (already in progress). I read this about four days ago (shortly after it was posted) but… I’m not sure how to finish that sentence.

    No matter. This is probably the funniest post you’ve ever written. And it’s funny because it’s true. Who here among us hasn’t feigned physical defects or retardation or adopted an accent we don’t actually have just to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings?

    If you haven’t, you’re a lousy human being.

    Scott, you’re a man among facially-twitching men. I think your wife understands your social ineptitude and sees the true humanitarian underneath all the embarassing acts. That’s love for you.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | July 28, 2010 | Reply

    • Your first sentence was hilarious CLT. Why, because that’s the same way I tend to write, especially comments. I just start typing whatever comes into my head and I’m then often stuck looking for a plausible sentence or paragraph ending. No matter, I’m just glad you got in before the closing bell. I highly value your opinion and comment contribution. It’s going to make me rich on day after all. I think. I haven’t really looked into it that much yet.

      And you are spot on, my wife is an earthbound angel who can somehow sense my inherent goodness (just like Beth Ostroski, but not as leggy) and can throw aside the occasional bannings and arrests in the interests of such good.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | July 29, 2010 | Reply

  30. Hey Scott. You’re the first blog I read ever day. Every day that I actually read blogs. It might be because your blog starts with Z, and I have to start my blog reading at the bottom of my blog reader list. Or not. But I’m still reading!

    Comment by Natalie | July 29, 2010 | Reply

  31. […] If you’ve somehow missed my other awkward posts then you can read them here, here, and here Now, lets get down with the […]

    Pingback by Social Awkwardity « Zodi’s Blog | August 11, 2010 | Reply

  32. Oh my gosh, Scott, I’m crying over here. Hilarious.

    Comment by brunettehead | September 2, 2010 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: