Zodi’s Blog

Knowing I’m an Asshole Awkwardity

 I think that these awkward posts are popular with many of you because, as I’ve gleaned from your comments, many of you can relate and empathize with me. However, if this one has the same effect and resonates with more than a handful of you then I’m either not half as crazy as I’ve always assumed that I was and that judge’s ruling was criminally incompetent which is ironic because that’s almost exactly how that bitch described my mental state… or the world really is going to end in 2012 which would be fine with me since it would both fit into my five year plan of success and also allow me to accomplish my goal of having lived my whole life without once ever having been a real adult with a real job.

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This is where I see myself in five years, Mr. Robbins.

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Anyway, let’s do the damn thing.

I keep a mental scorecard of every relationship that I enter into no matter how casual. I don’t know if it’s because I’m half Italian and half Irish, or just because I am batshit crazy, but I can hold a grudge, even a grudge based on self delusion as well as a bearshark that has been sexually molested by a mackerel. –In case you don’t know, bearsharks can hold grudges against fish for a long, long time, and they especially hate mackerel.

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Bearshark can hold a grudge. And so can I.

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Anyway, I am a petty, passive-aggressivey, douche baggy asshole and I’m aware of it, and I hate myself for it, and I try so hard to not be that way, but I just… Can’t…. Stop… Myself.

If I happen to grace a store clerk with one of my patented sideways grins on two separate occasions without it being reciprocated then you can guarantee that from then on underneath my cool exterior (not really) I will be mentally scowling and cursing the ungrateful peasant fuck until they make amends to me in a majorly serious way. And a head nod/have a nice day/wave isn’t going to cut it. I’d need something along the lines of a free Twix. Did you write that down Mrs. 7/11 lady from 1998?

This personal issue which is a minor problem in real life is exacerbated 10 fold in the virtual world because A) there is now a public record, so in my warped perceptions everyone else has taken note of my public dissing and B) I, like the complete asshole I am, can go back and count things. Like how many more times I returned your Facebook messages versus how many times you’ve returned mine. Or maybe I wished you a Happy Birthday and you didn’t wish me a drunken St. Patty’s day. Or since this blog thing, how many times you haven’t commented on my posts versus how many times I’ve commented on yours.

It doesn’t bother me so much with people I don’t like because I’m allowed to dislike/defriend/murder in my mind those people. But I drive myself crazy when it is people that I actually like and respect. But if I comment on their posts and/or status updates and they continuously ignore mine then I simply can NOT allow myself to continue. I can’t just become a virtual doormat. I’ll end up being covered in virtual dogshit.

I feel even worse about the situation when it was a long time commenter/friend and they suddenly stop commenting on my posts or cut down to an average of 1 out of every 3 or 4 posts and yet I see them around these here interwebs commenting on other peoples shit and I wonder what the fuck(?) suddenly happened to make me not worth the two minutes it would take them to say something about how awesome I am? 

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You definitely snubbed me 493 times. Definitely. 493.

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It’s even worse for me when this sort of thing progresses (only in my mind) and I begin to get so mad I can’t even see the person’s name without feeling a kind of seething resentment which turns my brains into mashed potatoes that Glenn Beck ate three days ago and just expelled into a port-o-potty. Or sometimes my OCD makes me feel like I have to comment anyway and will win out over my murdery anger, which allows my passive aggressive nature to shine forth brilliantly. If this happens I tell myself that I’ll be the bigger person and stop this war of attrition (which again, is only in my own mind) by just leaving a comment on their post. But it will be a short and not at all funny comment, damnit. If after my humble gesture of goodwill they still fail to reciprocate, then I will be forced to mentally repudiate them and I’ll unsuccessfully try to ignore the heartburny pain I feel when I see their name.

Unless of course they are nice to me again by telling me how awesome I am. If that happens then the whole retarded cycle will usually be put on reset.

Another ridiculously juvenile thing that I’ll do with both blogging and Facebook is the Hate-Compare. I’ll read bloggers that I can’t stand just to re-verify how lame I think they are. Also to make damn sure that they don’t receive more comments than I do, because if they did then I would seriously just have to quit. (As I read my own writing I am realizing that I’m much closer in emotional maturity to an eleven year old girl than to an adult male. Fuck me.) And if their Facebook page isn’t private, I’ll even check on old high school hates in the sick hope that their life isn’t going according to their old high school plans. (I thought you were going to be a big shot actor one day Brad. How’s that been working out for you?)  

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Some loser I went to high school with.

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I’ve even went and physically counted birthday wishes (once) to make sure that I got more than my ex’s new flame got. I did, and they were way better too. Mine were more sincere, way funnier and I had more hot babes (you could tell from their profile picture) wishing me a happy birthday. So I fucking WIN!   

I know in the rational part of my brain that my thoughts and behavior are asshole-like, and I’m not an asshole…or maybe I am but I don’t want to be… but it’s my very asshole-like, scorecard-keeping nature that prevents me from being able to stop being such an asshole.

I obviously wrote this post tongue in cheek. Unless I didn’t. But don’t just assume that I’m writing about you because I’m honestly not. I’m not that much of an asshole.

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August 30, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , ,

110 Comments »

  1. I’m the first comment!! I’m the first comment!!
    and that counts towards not commenting on the last post – which is fucking awesome by the way cause I read it twice on 2 different computers just to make up for not commenting and then I apologized to your profile pic and wrote your name in ketchup on my breakfast eggs

    and you think your’re fucked up!?

    Comment by dianne | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • You are the first comment and you did every thing else right as rain too. Believe me when I say that my screensaver heard your praise and jotted it all down under the appropriate column. I’m just kidding; I actually have no organization skills whatsoever.

      I love you back babe!

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • Yeah but you aren’t forgiven until you give him a free Twix. Didn’t you read 7/11 lady?? Oh wait…wrong person?? NM

      Comment by Bearman | August 30, 2010 | Reply

      • Yea, wrong person indeed. Not anyone you know Bearman. But I will take some free Twix. Any time!

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  2. We sound uncannily similar, Scott. Except I don’t give (as much of) a shit anymore as I’ve aged. You ruminate. I (used to) ruminate. I can totally relate to chewing on something incessantly, turning it around every which way in your mind and still arriving at the same conclusion: I was fucked. When you are dissed or slighted or worse…ignored, in Vegas terms you want to get ‘comped’. I get it…I really do because basically that is my exact same mentality. I think deep down you just want a level playing field…fairness and more importantly, validation. I have winnowed out what I think are the best blogs on the ‘net: bschooled, CLT, FJ, ‘Don Mills’ and of course, your wonderful blog. Seriously Scott, the pathology makes you interesting…even more so since you are so open and honest about it. It makes you you. I visit for that very reason. As a matter of fact, I pride myself on having what I call a high threshold for aberrant behaviour (and thinking!). You sound like a sweet guy, very sensitive and I think I speak for most when I say we can all relate to your social awkwardity and in some cases assholishness. Seriously funny post. You made my day.

    Comment by elizabeth3hersh | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • I had a feeling that you might ‘feel me’ on this one Elizabeth. We are soul mates (or something along those lines) after all. I’ve also mellowed with age. When I was younger and married to a hot headed, full blooded Italian, neither one of us would let an argument go until we finally finished the whole thing with a divorce.

      I’m completely laid back these days in real life. The main problem that I have on the blogosphere is knowing when to finally let go. I’ll comment back and forth with somebody, and one day they just stop. So I’ll continue and leave maybe 3 or 4 more comments and get one comment back. And I’ll stupidly keep that going because I’m afraid to be an asshole. I just never know where to stop or if it was mostly in my head to begin with. Most people don’t have the same loyalty/abandonment issues that I have.

      Thank you so much! That is the best compliment that you could give me and it means that much more because I love and deeply respect your intelligence.

      Thanks Elizabeth!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • I didn’t know Elizabeth had a blog to get pissed at us for not commenting.

      Comment by Bearman | August 30, 2010 | Reply

      • Don’t we all wish.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

        • I had abandonment issues too, Scott. I learned to cope over the years by not forming attachments (yeah, I know, I’m missing a lot). I adore people unilaterally…I have no expectation of reciprocity. It’s like I have some sort of adult onset Asperger’s Syndrome. If the adoration is reciprocated, I’m delighted AND deeply grateful and it is duly noted. If you enjoy reading the other blogs and have time to comment, then continue to do so. Some commenters, I skim over…yours is always a leisurely and intensely focused read. Confession: sometimes, I am really short on time and I don’t comment on your blog. Reason: (besides being short on time which is why I don’t comment on more blogs) my cognitive faculties crash-dumps (this happens a lot as I have a chronic illness) or I will justify if by noting that you have so many other commenters and I won’t be missed. Sounds like ‘bookie score-keeping’ might just be hard-wired into your brain, Scott. 🙂 You’re deeply appreciated in the blogosphere. That’s all you need to know. To hell with the rest.

          P.S. That blog is coming soon. I will be posting (pictorially) once a month from the Las Vegas Strip contrasting the ‘old’ with the ‘new’ to reveal how America has lost its aesthetic compass.

          Comment by elizabeth3hersh | August 31, 2010 | Reply

          • I do know exactly what you mean and I do envy your ability to not form attachments. I used to not want to throw away scraps of paper when I was a kid because I didn’t want to hurt its feelings. But it’s not even that I’m hurt, I’m not. It’s that I’m left not knowing what to do. I’m trying to get to a point of writing/blogging professionally and I can’t afford to lose followers, but I also can’t afford to waste time with people who don’t reciprocate. The problem is that I know that my OCD makes me a very scheduled, regimented commenter and I begin to expect the same in return.

            BUT OH MY GOD. I’m so excited right now!!! You are doing a photo blog! And it’s something that I’ve actually thought about myself. After exploring the wonder and beauty of Florence’s architecture and seeing what has replaced it in newer areas, this absolutely needs to be done on a worldwide scale.

            I can’t wait!

            Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

            • Cracking up over the paper having feelings!! I was just looking at my smoked salmon and thinking it was a living creature and now it is a part of me and how I should honor that fish by not yelling at the girls (or something along those lines). I think the same about fruits and vegetables…I crack myself up almost as much as you crack me up.

              Comment by elizabeth3hersh | August 31, 2010 | Reply

              • Now I’m cracking up over you cracking up over me cracking up. Maybe we should all smoke some …weed and crack up. You thought I was going to say “smoke some crack” but that would have been taking it too far.

                Yours makes a lot more sense. Salmon were at one point anyway, sentient beings… as opposed to scraps of paper I mean.

                Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  3. I have to comment again since I forgot to check the “notify me of follow-up comments via e-mail”…did I forget to tell you are awesome in my first comment? See, I had a reson to stop back in.

    Comment by elizabeth3hersh | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • Hey it just means that you love me twice as much. This will ensure that I’ll love you back twice as long, barring any public floggings of my honor and/or reputation. I consider you to be among the elites of awesomeness yourself!

      Thanks again Elizabeth!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

  4. I can’t believe all the free Twix bars you need to collect on. What about when you let someone in your lane and they don’t give you a wave? You keep track of that too, right? I know you do.

    Bearshark is now my screensaver.

    Comment by Vodka and Ground Beef | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • Oh my God I’ll have Twix coming out of my ass. And that sounds twice as fun as it will probably be. It’s not like you could eat them after a thing like that.

      No I don’t keep track of non-wavers. I just keep an elderly gypsy in my car to curse them on command. Then, I can have piece of mind and let it go.

      Bearshark for President!

      Thanks V & GB!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • Ever sample the Peanut Butter version? My hands are shaking just trying to type this…must—have—12 of them…

      Comment by Ron-Yves Strouteau | September 1, 2010 | Reply

      • They are my favorite. Plus they don’t sell Reece’s over here, so PB Twix is my methadone.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 1, 2010 | Reply

  5. It’s good to know you aren’t responsible for what comes out of Glenn Beck’s MOUTH!

    Comment by S. Le | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m not sure that there is much of a difference from what comes out of his ass.

      Thanks S. Le!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

  6. So I considered not commenting on this post just as a joke. Cause that’s the kind of asshole I am. But, then I decided I would be the only one who realized I didn’t comment here as a joke and then I would be the only one laughing at the fact that I hadn’t commented.

    Comment by Jay | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, no Jay that would have been brilliant. And don’t worry I notice everything. But it’s not one or five posts that make the mental switch go to asshole for me, it’s more like a month or two’s worth.

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

  7. My good friend Andy @ Trousers to Grow Into has this wise abd relevant quote yesterday;

    http://trouserstogrow.blogspot.com/2010/08/thought-for-sunday_29.html

    gg

    Comment by gallowaygrave | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • That’s a great quote GG, but I’m not concerned with pleasing everybody, I’m only concerned with them pleasuring me. I mean pleasing me.

      You are a loyal bloke!

      Thanks GG!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

      • I’d like to pleasure you one day Scott 😉

        Comment by nursemyra | August 30, 2010 | Reply

        • And I would like that as well NM. I would like that A LOT!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  8. Bad timing on my part to have missed commenting on a couple of posts! I do have a doctors note I hope that counts. May I say how awesomely awesome I think your are. I unfortently appreciate and relate to your awkward posts as well as this post even the part about the 2012 plans. I do think that most people in general are a lot more a like then they or I realize which I supose is a good thing? Right?

    Comment by starlaschat | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • How come my spell check dosn’t work on my comments? Did it ever? I know I’m misspelling stuff…

      Comment by starlaschat | August 30, 2010 | Reply

      • Anything that I don’t type into Word is doomed from the start.

        I didn’t even notice your mistake until you pointed it out.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • Don’t worry at all Starlaschat, I wasn’t referring to you in the least. I only meant people that I’ve been with for ages who I was, until recently, commenting on daily, until they just up and stopped reciprocating for no apparent reason. Do you still have that doctors note though? I could use some Vicodan for this headache.

      It is a good thing indeed. We are all one, honestly!

      Thanks Starlaschat!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

  9. You are writing about me (asshole).
    You are awesome (fingers crossed).
    You do shine brightly (dim wit).
    You are way funnier (ya, laugh riot)
    You make good assholes laugh!

    Are you laughing?

    Comment by Micky-T | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha! Yes, I am laughing. This was a brilliant comment Micky, I love it. And that’s for realz!

      Thanks Micky!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 30, 2010 | Reply

      • But the comment on my blog that you left that I didn’t respond to which more than likely gave you the idea of this post (I know it’s true) has been commented back BUT NO!!!! you haven’t gone back to check HAVE YOU? Sheesh!

        Comment by Micky-T | August 30, 2010 | Reply

        • No, I swear to God I wasn’t talking about you buddy. You are still golden, Pony boy!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  10. Yeah. You have issues. At least you are awesomely funny which means we can laugh with you and not just at you. Unless you’re not laughing that is. In which case, I apologize. Please be laughing.
    And I hereby absolve you of ever having to comment on my blog ever again no matter how many times I comment on yours and tell you how awesome you are. Seriously. No hard feelings or passive aggressive comments or anything.

    Comment by Amy | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • This is the deal I made with the devil. I’d rather have more issues than TV guide and be funny than be normal and boring. Then I’d be writing about how to lower your golf handicap right now instead of murdery hatred.

      Thanks But I like to exchange comments with people (if their writing is entertaining) I just always want to know where I stand. And I am laughing!

      Thanks Amy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  11. You are the least assholey man online. I notice every damn thing too, but I usually react with “Why?” Not “why” like just reading it off this page, quick with that slight questioning lilt. More like “Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!!” I become convinced the fault is always mine, or that someone is angry at me. I will obsess on what was the reason. There has to be a reason, I keep telling myself over and over. Like I sometimes see someone online and every time I read what he says, I ask myself “Why doesn’t he like me?” It drives me insane.

    I became friends with my principal from elementary school on Facebook (the one who thought I was going to die like her daughter if you recall that post from long ago). I only became friends with her b/c someone recommended that I did. I seriously did not want to, not because I dislike her at all, but b/c I’m afraid she’ll ask what did I become. I haven’t spoke to her because for 1 I’m shy, second she’ll know I’m not a Rhodes Scholar or something. She probably thinks I’m terrible for not saying hi,but if she says hi to me first, I will too.
    You’re fortunate you don’t turn your anger in on yourself and that you realize it’s their bad, not yours. (They’re the assholes). I love your blog and I identify with this post very much.
    Anywho, I idolize you, as I’m sure many people do. I always look forward to what you will write next, good sir.

    Comment by Lisa | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • You are wrong there Lisa, I’m not the least assholish man online. I’m sure that I’m in the upper echelon of the asshole elite.

      Whereas you blame yourself, I usually blame other people. Where you question yourself, I question other people. Where you look for fault within yourself, I plan a zombie apocalypse unleashed upon their home town.

      My only thing with blogging is that I prefer consistency and loyalty. And when something interferes with that my panties start riding up into my crotch-like region and I get all pissy.

      And don’t worry about FB either, believe me, they haven’t even noticed.

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

      • You have self respect, which I sorely lack. If we were to compare each others reactions, yours are less mental midgety than mine if you’re keeping a tally. I still think you aren’t an asshole, asshole.Whoever got your goat, oh how I wish you would tell, is a far lesser person than you are. Fuck ’em!

        Comment by Lisa | August 31, 2010 | Reply

        • I think you have plenty of self-respect Lisa, and you should. You just need to try to up your confidence and know your self worth.

          And thanks!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  12. I never had the “oh no, that person doesn’t like me, what did I do wrong” attitude. No, I’m one of those “you don’t like me… okay by me.” Both my brothers and to some extent my parents were like that as well…which always makes us wonder where my sister got it from. I’m not sure either attitude is any good, but neither are they abnormal.

    Same can’t be said for keeping track though, although I try not to, sometimes you just can’t help it. I am a very bad communicator, whether by email or phone. I tend to think “oh, no-one wants to hear about that” so I don’t write or call. Then of course, there is the waiting for my turn to call or write back… then it just gets worse 😉

    Did that makes sense?

    Comment by Reb | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • See I don’t either Reb, not at all. I never feel fear or uncertainty that people don’t like me, I just want the regular tit for tat schedule to be kept. If I do ‘this’ I like to know that ‘that’ is going to happen. I’m like a drill sergeant with OCD in that regard.

      I am a great communicator usually but I begin to fail once I begin to get pissed off. Which is a major FAIL.

      PS. Call your mother.

      Thanks Reb!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  13. You are so amazingly awesome!

    This is where I collect my “Get Out Of Jail FREE” card, right??

    This post wouldn’t be half as disturbing if I didn’t just go through a very similar scenario with an online “friend” we’ll call … wait! She might read your blog and leave more comments than I do. Never mind …

    Comment by Dana | August 30, 2010 | Reply

  14. The only time I eat Twix is when they are free.

    Comment by Thomas Stazyk | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • That’s good to know.

      Thanks Thomas!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  15. Dear God, for a minute there I thought you were writing about me and we were both assholes. Now I know better because I never went to school with Brad Pitt. But I did go to school with the fucking Lennon sisters, and tell me that wouldn’t totally fuck-wad any libido you had saved up since you found out they really did have hair down there. (but that’s anudder post altogether)

    Mammories of a younger age; we have em. Thanks Scott, again brilliant.

    Comment by jammer5 | August 30, 2010 | Reply

    • I didn’t know John Lennon had sisters.

      Comment by Bearman | August 30, 2010 | Reply

      • Who do you think taught them to sing 🙂

        Comment by jammer5 | August 31, 2010 | Reply

        • Seriously? I need to get over to Google.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

      • Was that the Russian guy?

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, no Jammer you have stuck around like a great case of the Herpes. Hmm, maybe that’s why people keep leaving me. Because I often compare them to STD’s?

      Did you really? I’m going to have to google them right now. So did the earth match the heavens?

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

      • Yeppers, really. Every kid in school wanted to be “discovered”. Real pain in the after-burner, bro.

        There was no “heaven” in those days, only hell if word got out, and believe me, it wasn’t worth it. Now high school was a whole nuther world altogether.

        Comment by jammer5 | August 31, 2010 | Reply

        • Haha, sounds just like an LA area high school. Every kid’s an inspriring actor and the janitor keeps trying to hand you a screenplay.

          Good times Jammer!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 1, 2010 | Reply

  16. I have come to a conclusion after all this time. You are indeed an asshole. I dig it. Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | August 31, 2010 | Reply

    • You just figured that out now? You are a sharp tool.

      I am in good company at least.

      Thanks Matt!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  17. I always knew, somewhere out there, I had a twin! It’s kinda weird that you’re half Irish and half Italian and I’m half Irish and half English though.

    Comment by Rev D | August 31, 2010 | Reply

    • We are one big brotherhood of man! Sorry, someone above gave me Beatles on the brain. It’s scary how similar we are huh?

      Thanks Rev D!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

  18. Ah Scott. Surely you know that sometimes we don’t comment because your wordsmithing is just way too awesome and we mere mortals cannot think of anything worthy to say. When faced with perfection, one is often left speechless…or should I say {in the context of keyboards} fingerless? I still feel sorry for those stupid brackety-things so when I could have gone with () or [], I went out on a limb with {}. Hey, that looks a little like the guy off the cover of the Mad comics, but I digress…
    Your posts are wild and quite unpredictable. You divert me from my writerly tasks and change my mood with a couple of perfectly chosen words seemingly tossed into the mix at random. Just the memory of your latest post can make me laugh out loud at the most inopportune moments.
    You, my little cyber friend (presumptuous of me I know, after just a handful of comments) are like the school friend my mother didn’t want me to play with. A bad influence, with your swearing and your cheekiness and your irreverence.
    So when I don’t comment, I have a really good excuse…my mother might be watching.

    Comment by Karen lee Thompson | August 31, 2010 | Reply

    • I can totally empathize with you on that. Sometimes after I write a post, or at any random point, and for days at a time, my ADD will kick in and I won’t be able to put together an intelligent sentence to save my life. Much less being able to comment on other people’s brilliance.

      And believe me, that wasn’t what I meant at all. I meant people that you have a long-term rapport with, where you happily exchange comments; sometimes they’re good sometimes they’re unintelligible gibberish. But then one day they just stop. Or cut down to commenting on one out of every 4 posts you do while you are commenting on every post they do because that was, like, the thing you had going with them.

      And my own mother knew I was a bad influence as well. She used to warn my friends not to play with me. I’m just kidding, kind of. I’m not really bad, just misunderstood. My biggest fault is saying whatever is on my mind.

      Thanks Karen!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

      • Well then, I’m with you. How dare they just stop! Without explanation! That might be grounds for virtual murder.

        Comment by karen lee thompson | August 31, 2010 | Reply

        • Or virtual repudiation. Or even a Palinesque refudiation, that’ll teach em!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 1, 2010 | Reply

  19. all this over me??? 😀 i feel special hehe.

    im going to be the complete odd one out here… haha in the end i end up not caring too much.

    but i can relate to the posting thing…but more to do with keeping in touch in general if it gets to a point where i know that ive sms’d or emailed the person a number of times and they might reply once in a blue moon then I give up on them. I dont hold grudges but that’s it I walk away and dont look back.

    haha

    Comment by Susi Spice | August 31, 2010 | Reply

    • All this over you. I’m sure you’ve had quite a few kerfuffle’s in your day all because of you. But no, not you at all. You guys are all pretty loyal, I’ll give you that.

      I know what you mean about keeping in touch. I have an uncle that never returns my emails. Which is weirder because he is practically my only living relative. People are just….odd, I guess.

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | August 31, 2010 | Reply

    • Lies! I failed to respond to a Spicy e-mail in a timely fashion once and I received a violent Aussie tongue-lashing…

      …I’d do it again I tell ya 🙂

      -s

      Comment by Ron-Yves Strouteau | September 1, 2010 | Reply

      • Well that just sounds like a good time had by all. Sign me up!

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 1, 2010 | Reply

        • Ron… you asked for it and may i just add, your return tongue lashing was even better.. 😛 haha

          Comment by Susi Spice | September 1, 2010 | Reply

          • ps…well mr..look who’s bitching now! 😛
            for clarification purposes..its YOU 😛

            Comment by Susi Spice | September 1, 2010 | Reply

  20. A really excellent post, Scott, and it didn’t make me the least bit squirmy about counting my comments versus yours.

    Comment by Cooper Green | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • You don’t have to worry at all Cooper. Unless you were commenting on every single post I did a year ago.

      Beleive it or not, I’m not really anal. It’s too messy.

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 1, 2010 | Reply

  21. It’s probably safe to say that it’s the quality of the comment that counts, rather than the number. Wouldn’t you agree?

    Comment by Cooper Green | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • While I prefer quality over quantity, there is comfort to be had in sheer nubers if those are all I can get. Just like when I was never single.

      Thanks Cooper!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 1, 2010 | Reply

  22. I mean, nobody wants to fall into that trap of just commenting for the sake of commenting. Only a spring-loaded weenie would do something like that.

    Comment by Cooper Green | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Ha! I do that. But I have mental illnesses coming out of my asshole. It is a serious condition.

      Thanks Cooper!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 1, 2010 | Reply

  23. I think you have raised a few of the those awkward netiquette issues that others feel too, well, awkward to air aloud. You don’t seem like you’ve been an asshole to all the furry friends you have rescued and adopted. If they could type they would give you lots of “like”s frequently.

    Comment by Mitzi G Burger | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • See that’s the only reason I originally brought this up; the awkwardity of it all. Little did I know it would cause such a maelstrom of paranoia. I love it! Because it got me some of the attention I so crave.

      No, the animals think I’m doctor awesome. Animals are easy to charm though!

      Thanks Mitzi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  24. That stream of consciousness writing is deadly and powerful fun, and prone to causing paranoia in readers like me who ask themself, “Shit . . . have I dissed Scott recently? He sounds a bit unstable and can find my address in less than 15 seconds of key tapping. A few power bumps of Peruvian and an overseas flight would put him a half hour away this evening, just in time to skewer my little brain with a plastic cocktail fork from the Jade Fountain Restaurant.”

    I’m just sayin’. . . you’re the greatest thing on the net! I bow before your awsomeness! The Steelers rule! Oops . . . I went too far. Great post, Scott. Keep the stream coming!

    Comment by Dan McGinley | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • It can be deadly indeed Dan. Oh, indeed. The problem is that it’s the only way I can write because I’m so unorganized. I had no idea that this idea (above) would end up going here. Like I’ve said before, a psychologist would have a field day with me. But I’m never going back, never I say!

      You’ve never dissed me Dan. It’s mostly been somewhat cleared up now anyway. Until next time I mean. I am an introverted thinker so when I deal with self absorbed brains it annoys the shit outta me.

      I had no idea that I could get to you that quick. That’s kind of comforting, in a way.

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  25. Well, you know what they say, “Assholes of a feather flock together”.

    I’ve got a good bit of OCD going for me, too.

    Ok, now that I’ve spellchecked 5 times, and wiped down the computer monitor TWICE, I best go before I DO IT AGAIN….

    Comment by Heff | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • I never would have guessed that about you Heff. Although most people wouldn’t think I did either.

      I hate chemicals more than I hate germs though. And perfume, hairspray, any of that shit will drive me mad.

      Thanks Heff!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

      • Sorry to butt in, but I hate chemicals more than germs too!! I don’t hear than often.

        Comment by elizabeth3hersh | September 2, 2010 | Reply

        • Aren’t they the worst? Instant headache. See, we are soul mates!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  26. LOL. A free Twix would make things square with me too.

    Comment by brunettehead | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Who would want an olive branch when you can have a Twix?

      Thanks Brunettehead!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  27. Who’s ignoring you? But you’re so funny and comment-worthy.

    Comment by brunettehead | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Come on, Scott, if you’re really an Asshole elitist you’d tell us who it is. My brain is gonna explode. I’d make sure to comment something more retarded than usual on EVERY post, w/o being blatantly insulting. That would be sweet!

      This guy is Asshole Hardcore:

      Comment by Lisa | September 1, 2010 | Reply

      • I might be an asshole but I’m not an outer. Besides, it’s mostly cleared up.

        I love and hate Leary at the same time. He is a genius though.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

    • A lot of people ignore me, even to this very day. Get em. I think it’s mostly fixed now… for now.

      Thanks Brunettehead!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  28. Okay. I’m SORRY. Twix bar?

    Comment by brunettehead | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • For what? And YES!

      Thanks Brunettehead!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  29. Haha Scott you’re one of those guys aren’t you?! Who claims he’s an asshole but really he’s just this sweet, mushy guy (I still remember your reaction when you found that puppy under the car with his dead-feline-buddy) ?? 🙂

    “Mine were more sincere, way funnier and I had more hot babes (you could tell from their profile picture) wishing me a happy birthday. So I fucking WIN!”

    all is well that ends well! 😉

    Comment by Lua | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Me? I’m a sweet, sensitive, caring guy who is also an asshole. I do have me some issues. I’d especially be an asshole to however dumped that puppy… who is still living with us.

      Facebook makes dealing with past relationships even weirder than it already was. And who would thought that was possible? But I did win!

      Thanks Lua!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  30. Haha, someone doesn’t even need not return my smile (twice) for me to get all Awkward Asshole on them, like how there is this mother at Playgroup who once told my boy to stop playing in the sand because it was pack up time, and I’m like, what the fuck ever, pack up time, don’t tell my child what to do, bitch. And have pretty much hated her ever since…..I’m so reasonable like that

    Comment by RubyTwoShoes | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • I’ve never understood what kind of a person doesn’t return a smile. I couldn’t fathom just staring at someone like an open mouthed retard while they smile at me. What the fuck is wrong with people?

      There is NO better way to bring out the asshole in me than to speak rudely to my child. And no, I don’t forget that shit either.

      Thanks Ruby!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  31. I just stopped in to tell you how awesome you are.

    Peace out.

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | September 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Oh my God I miss you bubba!

      You are the most awesome in all the land. Please come back to us soon?

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

      • CLT is correct. You.are.fucking.awesome.

        But right now I’m speechless, because this is what I made the other day:

        It’s a Whawk. (Aka. whale with hawk eyes)

        You can just imagine how inferior I feel now that I’ve seen your bearshark. Seriously, it makes my whawk look like the underdog of the sea.

        Comment by bschooled | September 2, 2010 | Reply

        • Do you know how insane this is? It’s very insane, that’s how insane. See, I saved you from having to guess, which would have been awkward. I was searching for half the night last night for morphed animals.

          I found some cool ones, like a raptor riding a shark and firing a grenade launcher…. http://www.buzzfeed.com/adamd/raptor-shark-rpg-hb6. But I want more. How o you make them?

          You are more awesomer than I.

          Thanks B!!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  32. Oh, well if you’re not talking about me, then cool. Unless you are. Then? It’s NOT cool. Because I definitely read all of your stuff. But sometimes I don’t comment because everyone else’s comments are way better than anything I could come up with and one of my biggest fears is saying something stupid. Which is why in the reals I’m practically silent around people unless I’ve known them for a whole year and I’ve decided that if they like me enough to hang around me for a whole year even though I’ve barely spoken to them then they probably won’t be too judgy if I DO end up saying something stupid. This includes people I’m blood-related to. So there’s that.

    Now I’m going to go back and read all of the funny comments and wish I said some of those things instead. Awwwkward!

    Comment by Megan @Momlarky | September 2, 2010 | Reply

    • Nope I wasn’t talking about you Megan. I think that the same thing prevents many people from commenting but I don’t want it to stop you. You have a very unique voice, as I’ve told you, and I’d always love to hear it. No what I was talking about has mostly cleared itself up, unless it hasn’t….just kidding.

      I can be the same way as well, especially in public. The trick for me is to pretend I’m on stage and literally acting. Then I can somehow pull off funny and brilliant. Or just make an ass out of myself at parties.

      Thanks Megan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  33. Blahahaha well the fact I’m the 86th commenter means I am friggin on your hit list 😦 . I have no real good excuse so a Twix bar is in the mail.
    OK, here’s the deal, I’m not always at home nor using my own computers which means I have to continually fill out those friggin comment registration forms (which if I don’t fill out correctly won’t produce my gravatar!!!). So I usually read all my fav blogs and then when I get home onto my own windows 95 collectors edition Dell I add a comment. Which by then, I’m like at the bottom of the friggin pack. Then to make matters worse I have to read all of Susi Spice’s subtle hints about her birthday and then everyone else’s comments so I don’t repeat something witty that makes me look like a friggin clepto blogger who doesn’t read comments! Then I have to worry that you won’t see my comment sitting there so farrrrrrrrrrrrrr dowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn the pageeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

    Comment by frigginloon | September 2, 2010 | Reply

    • No I do love your immense loyalty Loon. Even though we have gotten into little tiffs you have always commented and I do love that. I don’t care how far down the list you are as long as you are there.

      My beef was with a few people who post once a day, every day, and I always hit them and they always (used to) hit me back. But then they’d start missing one once in awhile. But I still commented every day. And I only post once or twice a week. And I’m awesome. And they are lame at least a couple times a week. You know, quid pro fucking quo.

      I never read all the comments in people’s posts. God you’d be there all damn day.

      Thanks Loon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  34. You clearly need more ass phenergan. 😉

    Comment by Candice | September 2, 2010 | Reply

    • Ha, clearly! Can I make a shopping list? Percs, Vics, Xanex, ass-Phenergan, ass-morhine, morphine drip… etc, etc. I’ll email you the rest of my order.

      Thanks Candice!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  35. i think loony may have mentioned it… there is a significant day to commemorate coming up this month of September… and no im not talking about 9/11 on its own the american significance of that day… urgh bloody bin laden overshadowing my special day for the rest of my life!jihad on you for that!

    Comment by Susi Spice | September 2, 2010 | Reply

    • Is your birthday really September 11th? Holy shit would that suck… sorry. I’ll see if I can get him to apologize and send you a card. He’s changed a lot since we used to hang out at Yankee Stadium eating chilli dogs and cursing at the away team.

      So how old will you be?

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 2, 2010 | Reply

  36. I love your OCD. It’s always nice to encounter someone who is (at least) one step further down the OCD road than oneself. (I say this with great respect of course.)

    By the way, now I’ve commented on your blog two more times than you’ve commented on mine. 😉

    Comment by mewithd | September 3, 2010 | Reply

    • I love my OCD as well. It is the best party favor ever for when things get too boring. I’m just glad that I feel compelled to answer emails and comment more than, say, flipping a light switch up and down 17 times while singing Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance.

      I will rectify that.

      Thanks Mewithd!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 3, 2010 | Reply

  37. You haven’t commented on my stuff lately ;o(

    Comment by gazingatnavels | September 7, 2010 | Reply

    • You have to keep current with me and I’ll do the same!

      Thanks GAN!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | September 7, 2010 | Reply


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