Zodi’s Blog

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  1. I used to work for a company and we would have a football game the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I dubbed it the Gravy Bowl.

    This year an old co-worker decided to bring it back but thought it more appropriate to dub it the “Grav(it)y Bowl”

    Comment by Bearman | November 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, I like the Gravity Bowl, that one is unique. I played every year, Thanksgiving morning, with a bunch of people I grew up with. Every year there would be more and more injuries.

      And every year it got harder for me to get out of bed even 3 or 4 days later.

      Thanks Bearman!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  2. “Things That Are Likely To Occur This Thanksgiving”

    Against all the odds I have understood over 90% of this posting. Must be reading enough Stepahnie Plum novels…

    Comment by Dave Hambidge | November 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Or maybe it’s my chock-full-o-easy-to-understand-reference-guide that I just starting using this week.

      Just don’t mess around with Kay Scarpetta, she’ll depress the shit outta you.

      Thanks Dave!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  3. I WILL pat my belly and exclaim, “I ate to much,” while sitting on my own couch with some game on ready to fall into a deep slumber while my wife cheerily finishes the cleaning up (I help to a point, then she kicks me out)……or we could go experience all that you mention if we wanted to be the ones who drive all the way from Tennessee for such family abuse, but no, Bicky and I choose to do it alone, just the two of us, thank you very much!

    Comment by Micky-T | November 21, 2010 | Reply

    • That’s the way to do it Micky, the only way. I do miss my big Italian in-law family’s Thanksgivings since they never drama-ed, but not my own. My own were more reminiscent of Jim Morrison stomping a cooked duck to death…

      My favorite way to enjoy the holidays, all holidays is with one or two loved ones only.

      Thanks Micky!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  4. I think you nailed it pretty well!

    Comment by Thomas Stazyk | November 21, 2010 | Reply

    • I’m kind of like Norman Rockwell, only I paint with words. And I’m a little more cynical.

      Thanks Thomas!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  5. Now I understand why it’s called “Thanksgiving” – you’re thankful that it only happens once a year.

    Comment by Gorilla Bananas | November 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Well that and the four-day weekend helps a whole lot too. Plus leftover turkey. It’s almost worth it, really.

      Thanks GB!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  6. One thing you could add–on the 11 o’clock news they will have a story of some sort of near tragedy and the opening line will be:

    “A (fill in the blank) is thankful just to be alive tonight . . .”

    Happens every year.

    Comment by Thomas Stazyk | November 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Haha, you nailed that one; every channel, every year. You can always count on newscasters to use the corniest phrases that they can possibly find.

      Thanks Thomas!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  7. Thankfully we don’t have to endure Thanksgiving over here but that post sounds like all the Christmasses I had to endure when I was married

    Comment by nursemyra | November 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Yep, they are all the same really. The food and décor may differ slightly but the dysfunctional outcome remains the same.

      Thanks Nursemyra!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  8. You nailed it, Scott, and you’ll have company missing it this year. I’ve got to work marathon hours the day before and day after, which gets me out of traveling up to the Boston area on the actual day. I will be home alone with deli turkey, watching the Pats (8-1) play the Lions (3-8), and hopefully beating them like a rug. Cheers. I’ll toast our lonely, peaceful Thanksgivings. My wife will give me all the dirt when she gets home; I’m dodging a big ‘ol bullet here.

    Comment by DMC | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • I don’t think you’ve told me about your new job?

      I used to work on the holidays quite a bit when I worked for the turnpike and it definitely had it’s plus side; all the leftovers with none of the tears. Although, like you, I love me some gossip!

      PS-Pats by 23, take it.

      Thanks Dan!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

      • Damn!!! You were off by 2 points!!! Score was 45-24, Pats. You’re good, man.

        I’m a sub for the post office — once again, I failed to secure a career, because my recent hopes of working for the Recall Corp, (high-end couriers for classified docs) were bashed when they went back over 10 years and found a DUI I had in 1999. WTF? So I’m working 12 hour days delivering mail while the regular is away, and it’s hell until after Monday, when I’m back to only Saturdays. My sordid past has doomed me.

        I’m finishing an application for an accelerated route to teaching, as I’m out of options, and suddenly very inspired. Thanks for asking, Scott. It was laying in front of the fire with pain killers as the Pats kicked butt. The only bad news is . . . no gossip! All the drunks and druggies were off hunting in Maine. I definately dodged a bullet.

        Comment by DMC | November 27, 2010 | Reply

        • I always could pick em in football.

          Really? Who in the hell doesn’t have at least one DUI? Not that many people. Although with a driving job I can kind of see their 10 year concern.

          I worked as a temp for the post office one Christmas season and it was completely nuts. At least I was inside and we were all drunk all the time. I guess you can’t do that though if you’re driving around though, huh?

          Mmmmm opiates! Glad you had a good one, Dan!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 27, 2010 | Reply

          • Thanks Scott. Send opiates . . .

            Comment by DMC | November 28, 2010 | Reply

  9. I agree with Nurse Myra, it sounds terribly similar to Christmas, although I’d love to be a guest at the ‘Chad endowment’ table, so much fun to be had there!

    And really, ‘why do we need the excuse of a holiday?” Um, because yr all fucking batshit crazy and if it wasn’t for the terrible sense of obligation these ‘holidays’ produced there’s no bloody way I’d be sacrificing my freedom and sanity for something I find more torturous than being bashed about the head with a golf club…

    Oh, dont mind me, I’m just preparing myself for the extended family Christmas!!

    Comment by RubyTwoShoes | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Tell me you wouldn’t love to see that whole thing on tape? I could so see that as a movie scene, I’m just like the Coen brothers, but without all the talent.

      I’m so sorry that you have to endure a family (especially an extended one) holiday. But that, my love, is why Xanex was invented!

      Thanks Ruby!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  10. Oooh, I am so lucky. Too much work, no time to get on a plane. For me it’s just a nice little ‘missing you’ phone call, then pop the cork on a bottle of champas.

    Comment by karen lee thompson | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • You are lucky indeed. I love how you ended that with Champaign… perfect!

      Thanks Karen!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  11. Take out the alcohol and football, add in a heated discussion about middle east politics, and you’ve got Jewish New Year.

    Comment by Mitzi G Burger | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • I’ve had a few Jewish friends growing up and while there were plenty of heated discussions about Middle Eastern Drama, there was also plenty of alcohol. I always tended to gravitate towards like-minded individuals, at least when it came to booze.

      Thanks Mitzi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 22, 2010 | Reply

  12. many years ago as a boy of 12 my son declared at the Thanksgiving table – “we drive too far, to eat too much, with people we really don’t like, what the fuck is this all about anyway”

    Comment by dianne | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Your son sounds smarter than the rest of us, my kind of man! Kids have such an innate ability to cut through all the bullshit.

      Thanks Diane!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

  13. Fuck that. I’m skipping thanksgiving and going straight to black history month.

    Comment by jammer5 | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Just don’t forget to tell them to pack you some leftovers, on both of those fronts.

      Thanks Jammer!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

  14. But at least you have all these great memories of Thanksgivings here in the states. Oh these WEREN’T YOUR Thanksgivings you were talking about? Oh, sorry. 😉

    Comment by Jay | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Weirdly enough, as a child my Thanksgiving were mellow and as an adult, boring. But I know the way ‘normal’ folk do it.

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

  15. I am ever so grateful that living in the frozen north it was always too far (and riskier back then) to drive to see the family on one side, and too expensive to fly to see the family on the other 😉

    Comment by Reb | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • I’ve always made it a point to be geographically inaccessible as well. Isn’t it the greatest?

      Thanks Reb!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

  16. I am looking forward to a nice thanksgiving with my parents and grandma, just the 4 of us. my dad is a tech fan so his tv is huge and flat… screw going to the movies, it is much better there. the dog will probally have too many turkey scraps and fart in the car all the way home. i can hardly stand the excitement, but i have tons to be thankful for.

    Comment by Siren | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • That sounds like the perfect Thanksgiving to me. Just be careful with the dog. I was taking my dog to the vet yesterday to get her stitches (spaying) out and she dropped more than a deuce in the backseat of my car. It was beyond horrible. I’ve never had a dog do that before so hopefully they didn’t initiate a new policy.

      Thanks Siren!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

  17. Shit, I rarely wake up until the damn Dog Show is on, lol !!!

    Comment by Heff | November 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Now that, my friend, is the way to do it!

      Thanks Heff!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

  18. This is the very reason Australia doesn’t have Thanksgiving, Christmas is bad enough. Be grateful you don’t celebrate Christmas in 40 degree heat (100 fahren).

    Comment by frigginloon | November 23, 2010 | Reply

    • I’ve had many that were close in Florida. I usually make it a point to go surfing on Christmas day, when I can.

      Thanks Loon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

    • I’d be down w/ 100 f christmases. Fortunately NC rarely have really cold winters.

      Comment by Lisa | December 1, 2010 | Reply

      • It’s nice to be surfing sick waves while Frosty is on the radio.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 2, 2010 | Reply

  19. Okay, I have a few comments, so you must have caught my attention here.

    1. Isn’t it crazy how you could play 10 hours of tackle football as a kid with no problems, and then after college, one hour’s worth is enough to ruin your body for a month?

    2. I like the little story about the gay kid coming out with his “roommate” after too much Shiraz. Hahaha. I’m going to drink too much Pinot Grigio, but there will be no bombs like that dropped. Oh, but there will be a belly rub.

    3. Also, I plan on watching those shitty football games because those are the perfect types to watch after your belly is full of turkey and wine and you want to take a decadent nap.

    Comment by dr. ken | November 23, 2010 | Reply

    • It’s crazy, isn’t it? I remember that I used to need to eat a pill (or three) an hour before I got up to even make it out of bed the next day. I played in high school too, I don’t know what happens. My hips would actually hurt. My hips!

      I only wish that I could witness some coming out parties, I love me some holiday drama.

      There is nothing better in my mind. I prefer a sitting up nap, especially when I’m all bloated and full. It is Bliss!

      Thanks Dr. Ken!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

  20. Since mom and dad are gone, my bros and sisses forego a T-Day celebration so it’ll just be my g/f and myself as usual and I’ll undoubtedly hear:

    “C’mon,let me me get on top this time, Matt.”

    Cheers Scott!!

    Comment by Matt-Man | November 23, 2010 | Reply

    • It sounds like you have the right idea. I’ve always preferred to be alone with my partner on holidays that have to deal with a ton of people.

      I’m usually the one begging to be on top, weirdly.

      Thanks Matt!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 23, 2010 | Reply

  21. Times like this, im glad to be an Australian.

    Although, I was once in LA for Thanksgiving but I slept through it in a 5 star hotel room and caught my flight later in the day.

    Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

    -Rick

    Comment by Rick Jones | November 23, 2010 | Reply

    • Ah you should have got up and enjoyed it Rick. You could have driven around in a low-rider getting basted and tore the fuck up. You didn’t think I was going to mention gin and juice did you? Hells no.

      That’s gangsta to da core!

      I miss LA.

      Thanks Rick!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 24, 2010 | Reply

      • rollin down the street, smokin indo, sippin on gin and juice.

        laaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiidbaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

        gotmymindonmymoneyandmymoneyonmymind

        good show, sir.

        -Rick

        Comment by Rick Jones | November 26, 2010 | Reply

  22. The reason we all need the “excuse of a holiday” to get together is because we’re a little sick of being referred to as “soft.”

    Sure, we drink a little too much and get injured during low-impact football games too easily, but that hardly means that we’re “soft.” I may not be able to run around the block without coughing up 15 years of lung-soot and my brothers and sisters may not be able to do anything more than arm-wrestle to a tie and then decide the winner with a best-two-out-of-three “Nap-Off” but we can still hold our own with this rundown collection of out-of-shape citizens we call Americans.

    We’re a product of our society. And our upbringing. And many other things which can only be induced by hideously expensive (and occasionally court-ordered) therapy (and this includes hypnotherapy, which is totally legit no matter what Readers Digest and Dr. Phil have to say).

    Go Lions! Fuck the Cowgirls! Football 4evah!!

    (BTW, execeptional post here, Scott. It nails down everything everyone hates about having to hang around with blood relations.)

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | November 24, 2010 | Reply

    • I remember the first few years after being grown, trying to play football after drinking 7 or 8 nights a week and smoking anything that could be lit. I based the football portion this post on myself. I remember thinking how embarrassing it would be to have a heart attack so young. I was more worried about the humiliation of it than the dying.

      And I was rather surprised to find that Spain is just as bad, or worse, than the cheeseburger obsessed Americans. For every soccer playing playboy there are three stay at home brothers, content to feast upon churros, chocolate sauce and melted cheese all day and eat X all night. Almost everybody is soft around here too except for the elderly housewives, they’re hard as steel.

      Fuck those Cowgirls indeed! Coming from a Steeler fan.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 24, 2010 | Reply

  23. You nailed the “someone’s mother” and “someone’s sister” comment down pat. Except I’m that sister. Damn.

    But you’re right S.O. This year we’ve got OPIATES!!!

    Can’t you still have a thanksgiving even though you’re not in the states?

    Comment by Vodka and Ground Beef | November 24, 2010 | Reply

    • For a minute there I thought you were going to say that I nailed someone’s sister and someone’s mother and I was going to be all like, “twice!” But you took that from me, you took that from me.

      I am sooo jealous of you right now. Opiates and turkey are the Best. Day. EVER. If I were stateside I would so show up uninvited.

      We can’t get the turkey, but we try to make due with a chicken.

      Thanks V & GB!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 24, 2010 | Reply

  24. Sounds to me like “someone” has way too much experience in this particular Thanksgiving scenario.

    You’ll be home soon enough dude. Then the family bullshit will be just as it always was.:)
    Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

    Comment by Candy | November 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Actually other than the football, no. It was only my mom and I growing up, really. My first wife had a huge Italian family but we got along famously. At least until the divorce and all of that unpleasantness.

      Thanks Candy, same to you!

      Thanks Candy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 24, 2010 | Reply

  25. i have definately not grown up with this Thanksgiving you Americans go on and on and on about… but i was reading this article on Yahoo that said a survey was held including american chefs on what to have and not to have (as in preferred) for Thanksgiving…

    it seemed everytime there was a choice between fresh and canned the majority always went with the canned stuff…
    WHY!???

    this is why no one ever says “i cannot wait to go to the USA to taste their food”..

    this is what i dont get

    and I am thankful that i am going to bali for 12 days 😛 …just to make u a little bit more jealous scotty hehe.

    Comment by Susi Spice | November 24, 2010 | Reply

    • I don’t know about most Americans but I only cook using the freshest ingredients and the finest proteins that are available in whatever convenience store I happen to stop in Thanksgiving morning coming back from an all night donut and slurpee binge. I’m actually kidding for once. Most Americans I know eat healthy and have an excellent palate. Then again I have no idea about anywhere in between LA and Miami…

      Thanks Susi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 24, 2010 | Reply

  26. “The Detroit Lions will play poorly in a game that nobody cares about. Not even the Detroit Lions.”

    I don’t even watch basketball and still this made me bust a gut!

    (Er, does using the term “bust a gut” mean I’m subconsciously coming to terms with my age and health-related issues?)

    Comment by bschooled | November 25, 2010 | Reply

    • Now you’re just being silly. How in the hell could you expect lions to play basketball? That would require a basketball, a hoop, a net (all of which costs money and lions don’t have money) and regular court maintenance. There are too many bodies on the streets in Detroit for all that. Plus their long, coke nails would puncture the ball.

      I thought bust a gut was like bust a nut but without all the mess?

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 25, 2010 | Reply

  27. Yeah, i dont get a thanksgiving either. boo hoo.
    But on saying that, if these are the celebratory antics, i’m better of sitting it out. lol

    Comment by Artswebshow | November 28, 2010 | Reply

    • The best possible solution is to find a way to enjoy the food without having to deal with any of the people. If you can do that, you’re gold.

      Thanks Artswebshow!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | November 28, 2010 | Reply

  28. My mom sorta alienated us from what family we have left. Que sera! Grandma and me would get into it every holiday, mom too.
    I think you really capture the essence of America! 🙂

    Comment by Lisa | November 30, 2010 | Reply

    • I sure hope not Lisa!

      Sorry, I always miss these comments to older posts. Sorry…

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 3, 2010 | Reply

  29. I sent the girls off to a buffet pheast on Wednesday night (to beat the crowds and 2-3 hour wait on Thanksgiving) and stayed home solo on Thanksgiving. Thanks for reminding me why I choose to ‘opt out’ year after year, Scott.

    Comment by elizabeth3hersh | December 3, 2010 | Reply

    • A Thanksgiving buffet, even if it’s on Wednesday, and an ‘opt-out’ option sound like two of the best holiday innovations that I’ve heard in years. How can we market and expand this?

      Thanks Elizabeth!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | December 3, 2010 | Reply

  30. Really late comment, sorry, first visit. Right on the money. ROFL.

    Comment by queenwilly | January 15, 2011 | Reply

    • I’m glad you stopped by! Feel free to come back again and again.

      Thanks Queenwilly!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 16, 2011 | Reply


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