Zodi’s Blog

Song Letters

The Hype to Chuck D

  

Why don't you get back to fighting the power?

 

 

Chuck, brother man, listen man, I’m a big fan of your work, huge fan. You’re an inspiration, a force of change. You shone the spotlight of political consciousness into the darkest alleys of the ghetto and actually made a difference, touched lives. You are one of the legends of hip hop; you’re a fucking God man, an immortal. Sorry, you know I tend to get carried away. Subtlety is not my strong suit, but I speak the truth… at least this time.

 

All that being said, I’m admittedly still a little pissed off about your irresponsible and libelous attack on my character way back in 1988. I would have addressed this issue sooner but I’ve been busy with everything from Wrestlemania (Hulkamania was runnin’ wild on YOU!) all the way through to getting your latest president elected. Fear of a Black Planet no more, my brother! Why? Because of me, The Hype, thank you very much. And you have the nerve tell people not to believe me? Asshole.

 

This was a dick move.

 

 

I acknowledge that I’ve made my share of mistakes, sure. I’ve backed the wrong horse many times, literally, and I apologize for that money you lost on Barbaro, but I’ve never consciously lied. I erroneously stood behind everything from that baby saber tooth tiger fad that went tragically wrong 15,000 years ago to the Golden Calf to the Chevy Volt to Gingko biloba. Hell, without The Hype, there wouldn’t be anybody willing to die or kill for thier religion. Where the fuck do you think pearly gates and streets lined with gold, or 72 virgins for that matter, came from? That was all me. Do you think that your man, Farrakhan, would have got a million black men to march anywhere without me? Hell no. Even some of my cloudy mistakes have silver linings though. Thanks to my over exuberance, Vanilla Ice’s career ended prematurely. That painful shit could have dragged on for years without The Hype. It’s even working its black magic with Sarah Palin right now. I get shit done, bank on it.  

 

I’ve been a tremendous force for good in the world as well. Pretty much every Apple product has lived up to my noisemaking. Without me, you’d have no politics, no religion too. While we’re on the subject even the Beatles and Lennon would have been forgotten by now. Boxing would have died even quicker than it did if it weren’t for my long lasting partnership with Don King. Without me, Public Enemy would have never gotten out of Long Island. I am what gets you got mother fucker, you feel me now?

 

So yea, you have to expect a mixed bag. Sometimes you’re going to be let down and the life changing unveiling is going to be a Segway and sometimes you’ll be pleasantly surprised and the event will live up to The Hype, like the 2001 World Series or Super Bowl 43.  

Best. Super Bowl. EVER.

 

Besides, without me Mr. D, nothing would ever get done. Companies need advertising. Products need promoting. Brands need, well branding. However, my primary role is so much deeper than all of that. I am hope. People need to feel excited, to get hyped the fuck up about stuff. They need that rush of adrenaline, that amazing euphoria about the latest and greatest THING, to believe that whatever IT is, IT is going to change them on a fundamental level and fill that hole that eats at their soul. It doesn’t even matter if it never does. People need a motivation to get up every day. They need me Chuck. They fucking feed on me.  

 

By calling me a liar, by telling humanity not to believe in me, you’re asking people to abandon hope, to stop believing in the future, to stop doing the one thing that makes them human. Without me, The Hype, the masses would just shuffle around listlessly in a gray, cynical dystopia. It would be just like communist Russia in the 80’s or the produce isle in a Wal-Mart in Middle America right now. They’d only be living to die, and as I’ve already pointed out, without The Hype, they wouldn’t even have an afterlife to look foward to. Do you want to live in that world Chuck? I don’t fucking think so.

 

I’ll be expecting a public apology as well as a letter to the New York Times stating that you now stand behind me and have full, unmitigated trust in all of my endeavors.

PS. Please give mad love to Flav, that’s my boyyyyyy right there!!! 

Update: I thought you guys needed some help with this one. I grew up on this shit…

 

 

Advertisements

January 30, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

59 Comments »

  1. First again… I’ll try and read the post after a kip and a few mugs of tea!!!

    Comment by Dave Hambidge | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • Well, that made no difference !”£$%^&* I think our man is in a snit about something to do with musical entertainment of coloured origin, GOKwhat though. Maybe Karen didn’t come home, or worse did but now won’t scratch his itch?

      Comment by Dave Hambidge | January 30, 2011 | Reply

      • You’d be right, from way back in the late 80’s. (I’m whispering because I have to tell you, you know, before it gets all awkward; it’s ‘black’ now. My wife is part black so she was able to whisper it to me. ‘Colored’ is only for pencils now.)

        ‘Hype’ is slang for ‘noise’ surrounding something. Like when they unveil a new product and everybody has to have it.

        Thanks Dave!!

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 30, 2011 | Reply

        • Now this mista, he do like sistas! That shit be on da real G.

          Comment by Lisa | January 31, 2011 | Reply

          • We all like sistas. At least, I think so.

            Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 31, 2011 | Reply

            • Hell yeah!

              Your gf drives a honda, playing workout tapes by Fonda, but Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda, my anaconda
              -Sir Mix-a-lot

              But seriously, your wife is just gorgeous.:)

              Comment by Lisa | January 31, 2011 | Reply

              • Thanks Lisa, I’ll pass that on. Just not that part about her big ass.

                Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2011 | Reply

    • I hope there was something good in that tea!

      Thanks Dave!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 30, 2011 | Reply

  2. see now I’m conflicted
    and when I get conflicted I get all serious and shit
    this is fucking funny
    I ran out of brain space to keep track of my favorite lines
    yet this is also so true
    and the truth floating round these days makes my heart hurt
    and I don’t have alcohol, coke and random sex with strangers to fall back on anymore
    so I get cranky
    hence the conflict

    Oy!

    Comment by dianne | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • I love to conflict you but only in the good way. It’s too bad that we didn’t get to share the days when we could fall back on alcohol, coke and random… actually, more alcohol. Although truthfully, the shit was usually worse the next day.

      I totally feel you on the state of the world. This shit going on has me almost ready to pray or something. And you know me…

      Thanks Dianne!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 30, 2011 | Reply

  3. You’ve hyped up the Gingko but I still don’t know what to use it for?

    Comment by Bearman | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • It’s supposedly a wonder drug for memory but I can’t ever remember to take it.

      Thanks Bearman!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 30, 2011 | Reply

  4. Wikipedia says “The Hype” was an early backing band for David Bowie, featuring Mick Ronson. I don’t know who Chuck D is, but this Ronson guy sounds a few sizes too big for his boots.

    Comment by Gorilla Bananas | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • Half of the fun is finding out what some of you guys come up with on these. Now I’m going to have to google this guy. Backup for Bowie huh? He must have some stories!

      Thanks Gorilla Bananas!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 30, 2011 | Reply

      • yeah, Bowie, Chuck, and Terminator X collaborated on the hook for “Changes” on da real, G!

        Comment by Lisa | January 31, 2011 | Reply

        • I assume that you’re talking about the Bowie song and not the Tupac song? Did Bowie redo it?

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 31, 2011 | Reply

          • No, Tupac’s changes had a sample from “That’s just the way it is” by Bruce Hornsby.

            Comment by Lisa | January 31, 2011 | Reply

            • No wait, changes was a different song came out at the same time dont know where that one came from, but it wasn’t Bowie.

              Comment by Lisa | January 31, 2011 | Reply

              • I was going to say that Bowie was before PE’s time by a few years.

                Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2011 | Reply

            • or hall and oats somebody

              Comment by Lisa | January 31, 2011 | Reply

            • I remember, I love that song. I just didn’t know what you were refering to.

              Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2011 | Reply

  5. Personally, I’ve always believed the Hype. It makes life much easier to just go along with everyone else like that.

    Comment by Jay | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • I try to be a positive person, so I go along with most of it. That fucking Shake Weight let me down something fierce though.

      Thanks Jay!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 31, 2011 | Reply

  6. I love these letters – the angle is brilliant! Of course, now I have to make this about me, because I went to the World Series in 2001 (season tickets), and Steve went to Game 7, while I watched it live on TV. We ended up with confetti in our back yard. The Hype was amazing and it was wonderfully fun. Yay, Hype.

    So, Mr. Hype, can you tell me what exactly is up with Acai Berries? I’m confused about that one.

    Comment by Desert Rat | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • That was the best in my lifetime. Especially the pitching! I don’t even watch the regular season anymore, really, but playoff baseball is the shit! You’re extremely lucky to have been there to see it in person.

      Acai berry is the new crack. It will help you to shed pounds quicker than a 24 hour news anchor sheds dignity, but without all the inconvenient carpet combing and head giving. (I mean the news anchor) I think it also causes hair to regrow but I have yet to confirm that.

      Thanks Dessert Rat!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 31, 2011 | Reply

      • Acai berries grow balls. Women should avoid them at all costs 😉

        Comment by nursemyra | January 31, 2011 | Reply

        • Now I have to get some. I’ve always wanted extra balls.

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2011 | Reply

  7. Thanks, Hype, for bringing pomegranate into the lives of Australian shoppers. I don’t know how we’d get excited about Vitamin C without you!

    Comment by Mitzi G Burger | January 30, 2011 | Reply

    • Isn’t it just the best fruit ever? Especially when you get some bitchy hipster to blend it for you and add it to goat milk or coconut water, and all for only 7 dollars!

      Thanks Mitzi!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 31, 2011 | Reply

  8. They’re one of my favorite groups ever. I was 13 when Fear of a Black Planet came out.

    Yeah I can check out a movie but it’ll take a black one to move me.

    Every time I see McCain I think of “By the Time I Get to AZ”

    One of my favorite early ones was “Rebel w/o a Pause”
    Those were the days!
    Great post BTW. Yeah Boyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    Comment by Lisa | January 31, 2011 | Reply

    • Yea, they were the pioneers. I went to see them in Pittsburgh in 1989 with my 4 friends. 2 of us were the only white people in the whole stadium. One of the cameras flashed on us [trying to] dance and I remember thinking “fuck.”

      It was one of the best live shows that I’ve been to though. Right behind Ozzy.

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 31, 2011 | Reply

  9. I blame you, Hype, for all the undue attention Black Swan is receiving!

    Comment by gazingatnavels | January 31, 2011 | Reply

    • Ha! The Hype always finds a new artsy project to occupy himself. I’ve noticed that he mainly sticks to mainstream artsy though.

      Thanks Gazingatnavels!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | January 31, 2011 | Reply

  10. You tell them hype.
    It’s very inconsiderate of people to diss the hype when thre hype is what makes them immortal

    Comment by Artswebshow | January 31, 2011 | Reply

    • That’s exactly what The Hype was saying!

      Thanks Artswebshow!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2011 | Reply

  11. Oh no, my age is showing! No idea who Chuck D is and I think I don’t care. The Hype though is correct to call him out though 😉 You gotta have hype!

    Comment by Reb | January 31, 2011 | Reply

    • No, that’s not an age issue, unless you’re too young. More likely a geographic issue. Or maybe a social-economic issue. You got to have The Hype!

      Thanks Reb!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2011 | Reply

  12. I’ve been burned by The Hype (hello, Epilady), but there is nothing quite like the thrill of getting swept away by The Hype. He knows how to show a lady a good time.

    Comment by Amy | January 31, 2011 | Reply

    • You know, perhaps I failed to mention Romance, which is almost certainly, The Hype’s greatest work. Without The Hype there could be NO love.

      Thanks Amy!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2011 | Reply

  13. Scott

    Gotta tell ya, being a kid from Strong Island I didnt know Chuck D and the hype got their start their…I think you meant 3rd Bass..after all Pete Nice and the boyz were the ultimate one hit wonders…least thats what happens when someone pops a weasal. Wrestlemania and the hulk..dam dude your dating your self..dont do that..i think its illegal..hahahah..but you giveum hell scott..after all with Suge in jail that might clear the way for you to get finally get your street props and start collecting them royalty check…push easy homey…zman out

    Comment by zmanowner | January 31, 2011 | Reply

    • Ha! I remember 3rd Bass but I don’t remember why I remember them. Yea, Public Enemy was formed on the island in 82, I guess. I didn’t know you were from there though! Did you ever run into Howard Stern? Jk.

      I often date myself. More and more lately. It keeps the young girls away better than my stick.

      Thanks Z-Man!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 1, 2011 | Reply

  14. i thought gas face was a great song when i was 13. White boys rock. but pete rock now he was da shit.

    Comment by Lisa | February 1, 2011 | Reply

    • ANd you are correct on all counts young madam! (I’m not sure I pulled off the accent.)

      Thanks Lisa!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2011 | Reply

  15. Dear Mr. Charles D.,

    This letter is to inform you that, due to recent misuse of emergency systems, you (and your life partner, Mr. F. Flav) will no longer be able to access our services through the main line(911). All calls from your residence will instead be routed to our normal dispatch line.

    Our city’s 911 service is reserved for genuine emergencies and is very definitely not a “joke” despite your many statements otherwise. Mr. Flav in particular, has had us out no fewer than 71 times in the last 48 hours to deal with non-emergencies such “out of coke,” “lost a contact,” “lost a grill” and a “monkey on his back.” Each EMS response was greeted by Mr. Flav, glowering and tapping his foot while consulting an oversized stopwatch he had tied around his neck. Rest assured, we will no longer be Flavor’s lifesaver.

    It’s because of actions like these that our response times have been slipping rather than any perceived discrimination. No matter which underserviced borough the calls comes from, we respond with the same expedience, hurriedly finishing our coffee and today’s Sodoku puzzle before quickly checking today’s roster to see whose turn it is to ride “shotgun” before heading to our vehicles and proceeding gently into traffic. We are also looking to bring a 3rd person on board within the next 18 months.

    Also be advised that unless there is a dramatic change in the frequency and volume of your house parties, the Sheriff’s department will be bringing the noise violation citations to your attention.

    If you have any questions or concerns, please contact us during normal business hours (M-F 9-5; Sat. 8-12, closed Sunday) at 911.

    Thank you.
    Randy J. Stern, Municipal EMS/EMT Logistics

    Comment by Capitalist Lion Tamer | February 1, 2011 | Reply

    • Yo G,
      White boy be trippin, Mr. Stern. They only come and they come when they wanna. you gotta realize it all ends up in a funky situation. I gotta show these fools what time it is, G. Heeeeeeeehee. So I called cause dominoes be too damn slow. I even call da one Terminator X and Heavy D work at, support my ol’ skool brothas (they been needin otha work since 97 G. Thats on the real). Shit got hectic after Nelly bust up on the scene with his sold out, fake ass shit heeeeeeeheeeeee. Now D-Nice and MC Lyte be workin at Mickey D’s man. Gotta help our brothas and sistas, but Terminator X done lost my pizza and prolly Heavy D done ate that mothafucka. So I call 911. Going. Going. Gone.
      Sistah Soulja be pimpin out her ass for a nickel and you be talkin about me callin 911? Shittttt, G.

      Comment by Lisa | February 2, 2011 | Reply

      • The early 90’s called and they want their black accent back.

        just kidding… now this is just awkward.

        Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2011 | Reply

    • You write an exemplary epistolary. Now you’ve simultaneously moved my next post to the recycle bin (are you sure, Yes) (are you really sure, I said Yes) and shamed me by writing twice the angry letter. When I thought about Public Enemy I thought, Fight the Power. But I saw that it had already been done, and done well, so that was dead. Now this.

      Flav does have a hell of a point though. I mean, have you ever had to call 911 in the ghetto? You have better luck calling a cab or even Information than you do getting an ambulance. The cops will come like a mother fucker though, but they’re usually more punchy than helpy.

      Really CLT, words don’t do this wordy stuff justice. You keep doing it and doing it and doing it well…ohh, idea.

      Thanks CLT!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2011 | Reply

  16. I think they should worry about getting on this person’s radar:

    http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2011/01/p_diddy_getting_sued_for_900_b.html

    Comment by Thomas Stazyk | February 1, 2011 | Reply

    • How in the hell did that lawsuit even get filled? If I were the judge I’d try to get the attorney that filled it permanently disbarred.

      Thanks Thomas!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2011 | Reply

  17. Sometimes The Hype is right.

    I thought the hype on this snowstorm in Chicago was a load of B.S. because it’s never as bad as they say, but this is pretty fricking bad.

    I kinda wish Chuck was right in this case . . ..

    Comment by Dr. Ken | February 2, 2011 | Reply

    • So I’ve seen! I don’t envy you right now. The worst one I lived through was the blizzard of 93. That was around 2 feet but kept blowing around making it impossible to maintain the roads. I imagine you’re getting ridiculous drifts as well, what with the wind and all.

      Thanks Dr. Ken!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 2, 2011 | Reply

  18. I think I’m hype’s love child 😦

    Comment by frigginloon | February 3, 2011 | Reply

    • Holy shit, are you Suri Cruise?

      Thanks Loon!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 3, 2011 | Reply

  19. I used to love Public Enemy, too!

    Only I always thought the lyrics to the song were “Don´t believe the hype is a sequel.”

    I kept thinking, huh? Why would I believe that anyway? It´s not like there was such thing as an original hype…

    Did I mention that I used to drink a lot?

    Comment by bschooled | February 3, 2011 | Reply

    • I had a feeling you would have. We are the world’s bestest doppelgangers after all! My friends and I loved both the hard core rap, like Ice-T and P.E. as well as the metal, Metallica, even Slayer. I still love rap but metal, not so much.

      That would be a great sequel, to that song especially!

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 4, 2011 | Reply

  20. ps. You do The Hype like nobody´s business…

    Comment by bschooled | February 3, 2011 | Reply

    • Do you think I have a future career in Flavor Flaving? Or even, The Situationing?

      Thanks B!!

      Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 4, 2011 | Reply

      • Dude, if you could conjure the Flavo Flaving thingy, you could like do that six foot chick the Sly Stallone used to do when he was that Cobra dude and maybe get yourself your own reality show. Bucket list, bro . . . bucket list.

        Comment by jammer5 | February 5, 2011 | Reply

        • I remember seeing that reality romance blossoming and being simultaneously repulsed and enraptured by the whole sordid affair. Her vagina is probably the size and shape of the Grand Canyon. Eeks!

          Thanks Jammer!!

          Comment by Scott Oglesby | February 6, 2011 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: