The Customer is Always Stupid

Well, it’s been a week today since I quit smoking, and I think I’m doing good. I decided to just go cold turkey. Why prolong the inevitable? Anyway I thought I’d do another easy post since my concentration still seems to be…..something something.       

Anyway, I found another website that should be good for at least a half-hour of blowing off work. It’s called The Customer is Not Always Right, and any site that delves into the hateful, ignorant, idiotic, mouth breathing, polluted mass of the general public is always good for a laugh.    

A lot of you know that I spent a few years working for the PA turnpike as a toll-collector, so I have a few quick ones of my own to add to the mix as well. For the real horror stories (and to find out why I have such low regard for humanity) read this post that I wrote almost a year ago.      

Anyway here are some of my own, much shorter TCINAR moments….    

–Me: It’ll be $7.50 please..    

 Cust: I’m not paying you anything. It was raining the whole way, and I couldn’t even see the road and that’s not fair.    

 Me: Um, $7.50    

Cust: Well it’s not right. Here. (pays me)    

– I had a redneck pull up in a pickup truck who didn’t want to pay because, “Pennsylvania sucks.” And he didn’t pay until the state police showed up. Then he payed.   

– An irate, effeminate guy came along and refused to pay until I “enlisted the response team” to find his hairpiece. Which apparently cost over 5 hundred dollars. He finally paid but spent a good half hour flipping between hysterics and tears in my lane.   

– One guy was so upset about the condition of the road that he wanted to talk to my supervisor…who he insisted was the governor. So I gave him a number (I made up) to the governor’s desk.  

– And the best one was a carload  of beautiful, yet single-celled blonds who presented me with a ticket from Valley Forge which is about 20 miles outside of Philly. I worked at the Pittsburgh interchange.   

Cust: How do I get to Philly?    

Me: Just go back the way that you came for about 6 hours.    

Cust: Oh fuck. We were supposed to stop in Philly.    

Me: You just drove 300 miles too far.    

Cust: Fuck.    

Is it tuna or chicken?

  

Two samples from TCINAR…    

#1 – Me: “Hello. You’ve reached [company]. How may we help you?”    

Customer: “Hi, I recently purchased a carbon-monoxide detector thingies from here, and I was just wondering what to do if it goes off?”    

Me: “Well, you would have to call emergency services and leave your house immediately.”    

Customer: “Okay.” *long pause* “Could you hang up please? My phone broke and won’t let me end conversations but I have to call 911.”    

Me: “Wait. Your alarm is going off? Ma’am, that’s dangerous! Get out of your house now!”    

Customer: “Oh, I threw it in the garbage disposal, it’s okay.”    

Me: “What?”    

Customer: “Hey, like I said before, could you hang up?”    

     

#2 – Customer: “I need a card.”   

Me: “Ok, what kind of card are you looking for?”    

Customer: “It’s for my brother-in-law. He just had his foot amputated.”    

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. We have ‘get well soon’ cards right here.”    

Customer: “Well, he’s not really going to get better, is he?”    

Me: “Well, we do have sympathy cards over there.”    

Customer: “I don’t really like him.”    

Me: “What about a blank card? You could write your own message?”    

Customer: “You mean a card with nothing in it?”    

Me: “Yes, that’s what blank cards are.”    

Customer: “Well I’m not paying for that!” *leaves*    

What was your worst/funniest interaction with the window licking public?